Aww, f*#@! The script to "Uncut Gems" has the 7th-most f-words in Hollywood history.

Three guesses what word he's about to say.

Sometimes, with screenwriting, one word becomes a crutch, a go-to, a repetition. For Adam Sandler's new movie, the f-word is the go-to crutch again and again...and again. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

According to Entertainment Weekly, Sandler's recently released Uncut Gems has the 7th-most f-words in Hollywood cinematic history. And how many f-bombs does it actually take to get to 7th place? It takes 408 utterances. Somewhere, Quentin Tarantino must be smiling.

Of course, that means there are six other movies that exceed Uncut Gems for such linguistic love. So, how does the top-10 shake out?


1.)  Swearnet: The Movie  (935 f-words)
2.)  Fuck: A Fuckumentary  (857)
3.)  The Wolf of Wall Street  (569)
4.)  Summer of Sam  (435)
5.)  Nil by Mouth  (428)
6.)  Casino  (422)
7.)  Uncut Gems  (408)
8.)  Straight Outta Compton  (392)
9.)  Alpha Dog  (367)
10.)  End of Watch  (326)


In a shock to all of the western hemisphere's moving-going public, not one film in the top-10 is a Quentin Tarantino creation, despite his scripts' collective reputations. In fact, he barely cracks the top-30, with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction popping up in 27th and 28th place, respectively.

The face of vindication.

And here I was thinking something like Scarface would be in the mix, but it appears Tony Montana was a choir boy all along.

Time Magazine and the writers who actually made the cover, 1930s edition

As should be obvious, Time Magazine is a news source, most famous these days for naming their Person of The Year every late December and...not much else. Ask your grandfather what it was like to read Time back in the 1950s. It was something then.

To be on the cover was almost considered an honor years ago when the magazine started in 1923, only for the most noteworthy, notable, and noted individuals in the world. Politicians, religious figures, scientists, dictators, athletes, business leaders, and celebrities the world over all made the weekly cover. And, occasionally, so did writers. It's true! Writers were once famous and important.

Previously, we noted the famous authors, playwrights, and journalists--writers in general--who made the cover of Time in the 1920s and made writing seem important, briefly, during that decade.

So, now, we continue with the 1930s:


1.)  We now know the trivia answer to "What was Willa Cather's middle name?" Apparently it's Sibert, which I didn't see coming. If that's asked at your local bar trivia night, they're going deeeeeeep.

Willa Cather, August 3, 1931

2.)  Making his THIRD cover appearance in under a decade, Eugene O'Neill gets the sketched/drawn treatment, which keeps his typical boyish charm and broad smile apparent  vacant death stare that suggests you better not take a nap around him.

I'm not certain what blackmail material O'Neill had on the editors at Time to warrant THREE covers, but he wasn't done in years to come.

Eugene O'Neill, November 2, 1931

3.)  You know it was the 1930s because men wore pocket squares as big as their head and they could casually smoke a cigarette on the cover, as Noel Coward does here.

Sitting on an end table is timeless, though.

Noel Coward, January 30, 1933

4.)  It's quite possible everyone in the 1930s was simply miserable, as Gertrude Stein sees Eugene O'Neill's general unhappiness and raises him a mild depression.

Bonus points for the sweater vest, though. Stein looks like she's a costar to any Johnny Depp or Winona Ryder movie, circa 1992. She was ahead of her time. (See what I did there?? Ehh??)

Gertrude Stein, September 11, 1933

5.)  While not an author, Alice saw a resurgence in popularity some seventy years after it was first published by Lewis Carroll.

Seeing as it isn't an author, this is as enthusiastic as anyone related to writing gets on the cover of Time in the 1930s.

Alice in Wonderland, December 25, 1933

6.)  Next upon the cavalcade of joy general disdain for humanity is James Joyce, who in the coming years will not only take over Eugene O'Neill's penchant for dourness, but become the dominant face of writers appearing on Time.

Apparently the editors at Time wanted to make sure Americans immersed themselves in lengthy, bleak, gloomy works the whole family could enjoy!

James Joyce, January 29, 1934

7.)  Put up yer' dukes, because Upton Sinclair is ready for some action!

Upton Sinclair, October 22, 1934

8.)  I've always wondered why photos would show posed subjects staring off to the side. Did Virginia Woolf get distracted? Did she just think up another 2,500 word sentence or five page paragraph to write? What's going on here?

Virginia Woolf, April 12, 1937

9.)  I can't tell you why Ernest Hemingway's first appearance on the cover looks like it was a 10th grade art project, or why his face is skinny but his torso looks like he's pushing three bills.

Ernest Hemingway, October 18, 1937

10.)  William Faulkner really wants you to count how many variations on beige you can make out on his cover.

William Faulkner, January 23, 1939

11.)  Admittedly, at first I thought James Joyce's second cover appearance was him asleep while reading, which would have been very laid back of him.

James Joyce, May 8, 1939

12.)  You're probably saying, "Who now?" But regarded by some as "The First Lady of Journalism," Dorothy Thompson was so popular a writer that the Nazis kicked her out of Germany before America became involved, and Katharine Hepburn based one of her most famous movie roles on her.

Anytime you're irking Adolf Hitler is a sign your writing has power. It's a good thing.

Dorothy Thompson, June 12, 1939

13.)  Unless you're a theater snob, you just asked, "Who now?" a second time.

George S. Kaufman was all the rage in theater for a time. In the 1930s he won two Pulitzer Prizes, one for a drama and another for a musical he wrote. Years later, he'd win a Tony Award as director for Guys and Dolls.

This is all to say I just prepped you for that obscure Jeopardy! category someday.

George S. Kaufman, November 20, 1939

14.)  That's a borderline smile I see from Carl Sandburg! I think the lips are slightly curled upward! We're ending the decade with the slightest hint of happiness!!

Carl Sandburg, December 4, 1939

GQ writer offers tips on how to read at least one book every week.

Motoring through another book. And world domination.

Kevin Nguyen is a renaissance man of sorts, writing for GQ about books, video games, Wrestlemania, Drake's music, and shilling $130 trash cans sold through Amazon.* He's like that annoying friend you have that has 679 Yelp reviews to their name, including visits to CVS and the local 7/11.

Nguyen's latest article is about how anyone can read at least one book a week.

His obvious hot tips?

Uhh, to squeeze in reading whenever and wherever.

Including:

1.) Read during your train commute to work!

"A half-hour commute can easily turn into five hours of dedicated reading time every week..."

Wait--the math--an hour a day round trip--times five--oh, the math is hard...


2.) Read on your phone while using the bathroom!

"...[Read in] the bathroom because you drank too much coffee. Those pages add up fast."

Just think how all that caffeine and a loose bladder will lead to speed reading!



3.) Stop reading books you don't like!

"...[I]f it’s going to be another four or five painful hours to finish it, you can afford to put it down."

So, wait, wait, wait--I have free will?



4.) Try the library!

"Free shit rules."

Which is what I also say to myself when I dumpster dive and play Freddy Fast Fingers at friends' homes.



5.) Multitask and read during commercial breaks during your favorite show!

"Watching live TV? Just sneak in a little reading."

Which works perfectly when you're watching a commercial-free show live, like 'Game of Thrones' or 'Downton Abbey'.



6.) Read when you wake up, not before bed!

"Even if you’re not an early riser, use the time you spend checking Instagram in bed to read a couple chapters."

But Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr, Imgur, Linkedn, Google Plus, and Reddit called dibs, I guess.

_________________________

I'm sure Nguyen means well, or just wants to fill a weekly quota for stories posted on the GQ website. One or the other.

My tip to you?

Read because you want to. Read because you need to. Read because it is you.






*Regarding the $130 trash can, Nguyen writes, "I know what you’re thinking: $130 for a trash can?! I get it—that’s expensive! But it's a quiet life upgrade that’ll change your relationship to the kitchen."

No, $130 of delicious, fattening food is the quiet life upgrade that will change my relationship to the kitchen.

Canadian copy editor isn't down with that.

Now they've done it. They've angered John Wayne.

No one knows for certain where the term "ten gallon hat" came from. It might be from the Spanish tan galán, meaning so gallant or so fine, or maybe it comes from an English language corruption of the Spanish galón, which means galloon in English, a type of braided trimming around the crown of a hat. Whatever the reason, "ten gallon hat" doesn't reference the measurement of ten gallons of liquid.

Regardless, a copy editor at Maclean’s, a Canadian weekly news magazine, was very literal in their work this week. In the middle of a story referencing Hillary Clinton's campaign in New Jersey, the following passage was changed:


"Inside the coliseum, which serves as the athletic centre for the inner-city satellite campus of the state university of the Garden State, there was a high-school marching band performing in 38-litre hats and white boots, and cheerleaders in gold lamé hot pants."


The metric system! Canada's obsession with sensible scientific measurements has struck again. This copy editor went the extra mile 1609.34 meters and stuck it right in America's midsection.

There will be hell to pay once John Wayne hears about this.

Poets Reading Poetry: Maya Angelou

Poetry is meant to be read aloud, but rarely is. As Oscar Wilde once said, "A poet can survive everything but a misprint."

So, cutting out the middle man, here is where we'll post famous poets reading their own poetry--the words off the page and in your ears, as they intended. And hopefully nothing is lost in the process.

By 1978, Maya Angelou was already a well known and established writer, be it autobiographies, poetry, drama, or even song lyrics. (She wrote songs for Roberta Flack of "Killing Me Softly" fame, most notably.) Throughout this early phase in her career she often alternated between writing a portion of her autobiography and a volume of poetry--and had completed three such autobiographies by the publication of 'Phenomenal Woman,' which was published in book form the first time in the volume And Still I Rise.

Curiously enough, the poem itself was published first in Cosmopolitan magazine. Yes, the same one that today we associate with cover stories on the Kardashian clan used to be more, shall we say, well rounded. In the 1970s the magazine might still talk about sex and have semi-nude centerfolds of Burt Reynolds, but it also posted serious pieces of literary merit--which is where Angelou found one of her most famous poems.

'Phenomenal Woman' is typical of Angelou's poetic style. Shorter lines, irregular rhyme, monosyllabic words--all of it appears in maybe her most famous poem. But like much of her poetry, it's best when she reads it herself, in an unmistakable voice that can only be Angelou. In this clip (accompanied by music for unknown reasons), she reads it at a speedier clip not usually associated with her more deliberate speaking tone. Instead, there's a musical beat to her pacing, her slightly nasal, gravelly tone accompanied by accented syllables showcasing an upbringing located across the American landscape--southern, midwestern, western. She chooses to skip a word here and there from the original text of them poem. But it's her poem. She can read it however she wants:


Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

People's 'Sexiest Man Alive' is...

Well, you know, I like to be humble, but...

((slicks back eyebrows))
((double-pistols in the mirror))

Not me.

It's David Beckham. Apparently sleeve tattoos go further than I thought.

And good hair. And bone structure. And rock hard abs. And boyish charm. And a British accent.

((lip tremble))

Thanks, People. Thanks for the oversight yet again.

Obama admits he can't keep track of all 'The Game of Thrones' characters.

And if we're looking at ourselves in the mirror, odds are none of us can either. Tyrion? Tywin? What's the difference? As long as I know The Imp, we're good.

And apparently that's pretty much all that matters to Obama as well. Sitting down for an interview with GQ for their Men of The Year 20th anniversary edition, the president says he recognizes the characters, but couldn't tell you a synopsis by names alone. But his favorite person in all of Westeros?

“My favorite character is probably…the dwarf, what’s his name?" asked Obama.

It better be "King Imp" by the end of all of this.

When I was a teenager, I influenced a lot of cupcakes to go into my mouth.

Influence is such a vague term.

Is influence how large a net you cast to the greatest number of people, or the depth of impact you leave on an individual?

Time Magazine released their list of The 30 Most Influential Teenagers. Time's belief seems to be of the casted-net variety.

The list includes a half dozen budding fashion designers, a few Youtube and Vine celebrities, two Kardashians that go by Jenner, a couple political-ish kids who'll probably change their philosophy by the time they're 20, a chef just past puberty who charges $160 for a meal, a few athletes who probably have overbearing parents, a handful of actors, a smattering of singers who are more overdubbed than capable of singing and...one teen who sort of/kind of writes (...on a website about video games mainly).

One.

Out of thirty teenagers in this world, the influence of writing is overshadowed by two Kardashians, fashion designers, and Youtube chuckly-ha-has. Just one kid who writes about video games--but more kids who have appeared on the Disney Channel.

Take Mary Shelley. Take Percy Bysshe Shelley. Take Arthur Rimbaud, Stephen Crane, and William Cullen Bryant.

You know what they had in common? What they had in common with dozens others throughout the years? They all wrote poems or novels before the age of 20.

Although, admittedly, only one--Arthur Rimbaud--would've appeared on the Disney Channel if he was alive today. So fresh-faced and a teen heartthrob!

Mary Shelley had a reason for all the geographical locations she used throughout 'Frankenstein.'

Odds are you've seen a Frankenstein movie at some point in your life. Lots of  flat heads and staggering monsters that mumble "Braaaains..." while finding some human utterly delicious looking.

Mary Shelley's book, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (yeah, that was the full title), was actually quite a world traveler of a text though, with a highly verbose monster who jaunted around Europe while occasionally causing murderous mayhem.

This wannabe jet-set lifestyle of Frankenstein has led The Smithsonian Magazine to detail the variety of real-life geographical locations that likely inspired Shelley. These locations include Castle Frankenstein in Germany (for obvious reasons) and Bolgna, Italy (where physician Luigi Galvani once used electricity to charge dead frogs in 1781), to Chamonix, France (where Shelley vacationed) and the Orkney Islands, Scotland (near where a teenage Mary spent two years of her life).

The real fun fact to be learned? The novel includes Spezia, Italy, as a location the monster visits. Spezia is nearby a location where Shelley's husband, famed poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, would later die by drowning when his sailboat capsized during a storm four years after Frankenstein's publication.

So the monster was STILL alive after all.

Gift of free GQ Magazine subscription infuriates Lands' End shoppers, disturbs and fascinates teenage boys.

Lands' End is known for its outdoorsy clothing--a sea of khakis and plaids and hiking boots.

GQ Magazine is known for boring articles and high-end fashion which rarely involves khakis, plaids, or hiking boots.

And when the two met, it didn't turn out that great.

Recently, GQ's publisher, Conde Nast, struck a deal with Lands' End to reward the clothing company's best customers with a free subscription. Instead of enjoying the free magazine in their mailbox--which this month features a very scantily clad Emily Ratajkowski modeling on the cover--many Land's End customers revolted. Their biggest concern seems to be with their sons.

“We received your ‘Lands’ End Bonus’ of GQ magazine this weekend, and we are absolutely horrified," wrote one woman on Land's End's Facebook page, hopefully horrified at GQ's shoddy articles. "How can buying something as family friendly as school uniforms lead to soft porn in the mailbox? I’m thankful my son did not bring in the mail.”

Nope. She's fine with the articles.

Said another customer, who's son did go to the mailbox: "My 14-year-old son brought in the mail today & was quite disturbed & fascinated by a ‘gift’ Lands’ End sent us — a copy of GQ magazine with an absolutely OBSCENE cover!!!."

Never has the U.S. postal mail ever been more of a moral yo-yo than for this young lad.

The outrage over Ms. Ratajkowski's appearance was so overwhelming, Lands' End immediately issued an apology and changed the magazine subscription customers received to Conde Nast Traveler.

This month's cover of Traveler? It features a staircase in San Pietro on the Aeolian island of Panarea.

George R.R. Martin to Vanity Fair: 'Game of Thrones' TV show is catching up to the books. "Yes. It's alarming."

George R.R. Martin started the series of books called A Song of Fire and Ice back in 1996 with the first book 'Game of Thrones.'

Each new addition has arrived exceedingly later than the last (don't rush perfection, okay, man?), starting with 'A Clash of Kings' (1998), 'A Storm of Swords' (2000), 'A Feast for Crows' (2005), and 'A Dance With Dragons' (2011)--with 'The Winds of Winter' in the process of being written with an undetermined release date.

The problem? The TV show based on the books is fairly popular, and has already motored through most of the first three books in three seasons. Vanity Fair covers Game of Thrones this month as its cover story, and asks Martin if the TV show is catching up with his books. "They are," he says. "Yes. It's alarming."

So what happens if/when the TV show catches up with all the written books? There's a plan, as Martin tells the magazine. "I can give [the television creators] the broad strokes of what I intend to write, but the details aren’t there yet. I’m hopeful that I can not let them catch up with me."

Just as long as the Imp wins in the end*, all is well with the world.






*He won't, of course. Most everyone will die in some fantastically bloody manner. Let's face it, there's a 50/50 shot Hodor ends up running the kingdom somehow. The meek shall inherit the Earth.

Bard College president: SAT is part hoax, part fraud.

No need for a detailed set-up.

So says Leon Botstein, president of Bard College, in an essay to Time Magazine:

"The SAT will continue in its revised form to face challenges. It is part hoax and part fraud, albeit a profitable one. The College Board, however, is not entirely to blame. David Coleman is to be admired for trying to rescue an outdated, sinking ship. The real responsibility for our sorry state of affairs regarding college entrance examinations rests with our colleges and universities themselves. The elite institutions have willingly supported an alliance with the College Board to make their own lives easier, and we Americans seem to have accepted this owing to our misplaced love affair with standardized testing and rankings as the proper means to ensure educational excellence."

And...

"The commonsensical truth is that the only legitimate test is one where a question is put forward and an answer required with no options or hints. The one major reform in the new SAT seems to be the dropping of a required essay. This is ironic because the one thing colleges need to know in their admissions process is how well a student can think, construct an argument, and persuade. Asking a student to sit down and write essays in an examination setting might be an excellent way to discover an applicant’s command of language and thought. This one potentially useful piece of evidence has been made optional."

Everything Botstein says works except praising the College Board's David Coleman. Saying Coleman deserves admiration for preserving what is described as a "hoax" and a "fraud" is like saying you appreciate an artist selling fake Picasso's.

Sure, it looks good in theory, but it isn't real, is it?

'New York' magazine goes from weekly to bi-weekly.

New York magazine--one of those weeklies you see on the racks all the time but never buy because you're not from New York, and Cosmo looks more interesting anyway--is going to become a bi-weekly magazine starting March 14, 2014.

The publishers claim the newer distribution will mean 20% larger magazines (hooray, more ads!), while the newly enhanced website will now feature a blog on human behavior, expanded fashion coverage, and an Instagram channel that focuses on "the best celebrity photography of the day."

And you thought classy magazines were dead.









In case you're wondering, New York magazine isn't that popular, despite the media's fawning and adoration. Of the 100 largest American magazine circulations, it doesn't even have half the sales of the 100th most popular. Wired comes in at roughly 820,000. New York has around 406,000. Hot page turners like American Hunter, Midwest Living, Reminisce, and Birds & Blooms all outnumber it by hundreds upon hundreds of thousands.

Yes. Birds & Blooms.

Exactly.

Bit.ly map reveals who's reading what at any given moment.

The website runs in real-time, showing where people in individual states go for their fix of newspaper, magazine, radio/television, or online-only content. The information covers up to 40 media outlet preferences per state, and can be narrowed down to the most popular individual stories read on that outlet.

It becomes mildly addicting to comb over the data once you see that folks in Wyoming have a secret jones for Al Jazeera.

No, really.

Ancient language spoken for the first time in thousands of years.

All Indo-European languages spoken today descended from one primary source. That primary language--known today as the Proto-Indo-European (or PIE) language--is believed to have been spoken between 4500-2500 BC, yet there has never been any written text to go off (our ancient ancestors slacked a bit in this regard), and obviously no recordings of the language spoken (our ancient ancestors slacked a bit in this regard, too).

But as Archeology magazine tells us, what that language sounded like is no longer a mystery. University of Kentucky's Dr. Andrew Byrd used a reconstructed alphabet of PIE that was created in 1868 by German linguist August Schleicher and read a fable (also created by Schleicher) to finally put the language to sound.

And what you get is this:

While no one can be certain if the pronunciations are quite perfect (linguists are sticklers on these things), Byrd says his recreation is "a very educated approximation."

In case you're wondering what Byrd is saying in PIE while reciting the Sheep and Horses fable, Archeology supplies us with this translation:

---------------
The Sheep and the Horses

A sheep that had no wool saw horses, one of them pulling a heavy wagon, one carrying a big load, and one carrying a man quickly. The sheep said to the horses: "My heart pains me, seeing a man driving horses." The horses said: "Listen, sheep, our hearts pain us when we see this: a man, the master, makes the wool of the sheep into a warm garment for himself. And the sheep has no wool." Having heard this, the sheep fled into the plain.
---------------

What can we take away from this fable? Sheep are sensitive. Also cold.

Psychology Today: Learning cursive is better for your brain.

Boiled down:
Cursive requires more brain power and is more demanding than to print and type. As the author of the piece, Dr. William Klemm, suggests, penmanship "letters are less stereotypical, and the visual recognition requirements create a broader repertoire of letter representation." Children learning and using cursive also have more "adult-like" brain scans than children who just print and type.

Does this lead to smarter children? I don't know. But I do know that I love that someone referred to letters as "less stereotypical."

Even letters have to deal with the horrors of stereotyping.

Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People in the World

It's like a who's-who of people you never want to invite over a dinner party. Rand Paul, Kim Jong Un, Lena Dunham, LeBron James. The list goes on and on...to 100.

And the writers included? Hilary Mantel and George Saunders, a former film critic and geophysical engineer, respectively.

So the writing industry has that going for it.

Admittedly, 900-thread count sheets do sound pretty sweet.

There was a time when college students ate Ramen for breakfast, wore used underwear for three straight days to avoid doing laundry, and considered the Taco Bell drive-thru a swanky night out.

C'est la vie.

The Wall Street Journal has a story about concierges catering to college students who need, among other things...

...an authentic mariachi band
...to ship 300 bottles of perfume
...hard-to-get restaurant reservations and sporting event tickets
...to have someone appeal speeding tickets and pay the fine at court
...bedrooms and apartments furnished and decorated
...extra-long, twin, 900-thread count sheets


The twin sheets didn't happen, as such a thing doesn't regularly exist. The rest? All were catered to by various concierge services.

Hara Estroff Marano, editor at Psychology Today, isn't a fan, and tells the Journal, "Any parent who subscribes to or subsidizes this should really have their head examined."

It's pretty bad when the editor at Psychology Today whips out the amateur mic night comedy material to mock you.

J.K. Rowling: "The thing about fantasy--there are certain things you just don't do in fantasy. You don't have sex near unicorns. It's an ironclad rule. It's tacky."

Was this happening a lot with fantasy novels? Were unicorns peeping in on lusty action between people? Because I might read more fantasy novels if this happened, tacky or not.

Domestic violence groups claim this month's Vogue International cover shows abuse toward women, demand it be pulled.

Four advocacy groups claim that model Stephanie Seymour is being choked by a man standing behind her, thus glorifying violence against women.

To me, it just looks like he finds his finger delicious.

I think we can all agree that the real news here is that someone reads Vogue International.