Facebook researchers shut down artificial intelligence programs that talked to each other in code.

HAL doesn't mean any harm. Really.

You know how Hollywood always creates some movie regarding artificial intelligence, where a robot or software starts becoming a little too smart for its own good? Usually chaos ensues, humanity is on the brink, and a great time was had by all.

That's all fiction. But we're off and running with it in reality now, too.

Mark Zuckerberg is obsessed with artificial intelligence and investing in its development. As a result, Facebook researchers created sophisticated software designed to have two programs speak to each other in English.

While the two AI programs used English words, their respective sentences were nonsense. An example of their conversation:


Bob: “I can can I I everything else.”

Alice: “Balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to.”


The kicker? The computers understood was the other was saying. Researchers? They have no idea what the programs meant and don't know the sort of linguistic code being used by each. As a result, the software was shut down quickly.

Don't look so casual, pal! Why so cryptic??

A Georgia Tech researcher at Facebook's AI Research (FAIR), Dhruv Batra, told Fast Co. Design "[t]here was no reward to sticking to English language," and that "[a]gents will drift off understandable language and invent codewords for themselves. Like if I say 'the' five times, you interpret that to mean I want five copies of this item. This isn’t so different from the way communities of humans create shorthands."

Computers using codewords between themselves that we can't understand--sounds safe to me!

Wha--what are you saying, computer?

"Our interest was having bots who could talk to people," FAIR scientist Mike Lewis told Fast Co. Design. The end result was that Facebook researchers required typical human English be used by the software in the future.

While scientists seemingly paused with trepidation at having computers speak in code to one another, others don't have issues with humanity being left in the dark. Mark Wilson, senior writer at Fast Co. Design, wants the software to have free reign. "[A]t the same time, it feels shortsighted, doesn’t it? If we can build software that can speak to other software more efficiently, shouldn’t we use that? Couldn’t there be some benefit?"

Wilson admits that humans won't know how AI thinks, their thought processes, and how their intelligence might evolve, but if we allow AI to speak in ways humans might never decipher "[I]t offers us the possibility of a more interoperable world, a more perfect place where iPhones talk to refrigerators that talk to your car without a second thought."

Thanks, Mark, but I can survive without my phone talking to my fridge. I really don't need an update that I'm out of mustard before both AIs decide to overthrow humanity.

The fridge was reallllly irked I didn't buy the mustard.

Mark Zuckerberg is going back to Harvard.

Mark Zuckerberg left Harvard as a sophomore with entrepreneurial dreams of starting a social network. Facebook was born, and Zuckerberg never went back to Harvard.

Until now.

Lest you think Zuckerberg is going back to complete his bachelor's degree--HA! That's a good laugh--think again. Harvard is looking the other way and asking the Facebook founder to give its commencement address this year, where he'll be bestowed with an honorary degree.

When you're a billionaire multiple times over, any degree from Harvard, real or fake, is just icing at this point.

Pokemon can build bridges in poetry, or so it appears.

Modern poetry has drifted from popularity, and now exists sort of like that annoying friend you have on Facebook that shares their confessional works which sound like a third rate ditty written by a Sarah McLachlan clone at an ASPCA rally.

But poetry can sometimes still be quirky.

The Toronto Star newspaper asked two local poets, Kate Sutherland and Stephen Thomas, to take the most popular trending search terms found on Google and social media and make a poem about the year that was 2016.

That's it. No directions, no focus, no overly detailed analysis--no rules.

Just a poem, trending topics.

The two poems are wildly different despite the same focal point.

Kate Sutherland wrote "Year-End Tally," in which her rapid-fire lines add, subtract, divide, and multiply the year's news stories. As it begins:


Add a small boy Subtract a gorilla
Multiply mosquitos Subtract bumblebees
Multiply flames Subtract homes Subtract jobs
Add golf Add rugby Multiply medals
Add innings Add PokéStops


Generally, it continues that way until a slew of Twitter-like hashtags finish the poem.

By comparison, Stephen Thomas wrote "Celery Water," drenched in humorlessness, and as serious as a deadly diagnosis:


We are sick. You can almost feel your insides
kicked. In a darkened dorm, we reverse
and blast “Purple Rain.” Like life,
the guitar part is long, and we black out stranger things:
November 8, around 10 p.m. Eastern.
Scratch out this year, which “cursed you like a witch.”


Oh--it continues with multiple mentions of death and pounding and creatures and crying. The events of 365 days affects people differently, clearly.

Both poems mention PokeStops, though--so despite all the chaos that was this year, Pikachu and friends is what really mattered in 2016.

The comedic stylings of Drexel University professor causes a ruckus.

On Christmas day, Drexel University associate professor of politics George Ciccariello-Maher, went for the open-mic night material and decided to tweet the following (now made private on Twitter):

"All I want for Christmas is white genocide."

If this sounds similar to that time you posted your negative holiday views about fruitcake on Facebook, it's exactly like that, except deadlier and a lot more problematic for millions of racists.

Conservative news sites like Breitbart lathered up the masses, worried that an intellectual was encouraging the death of white society.

Ciccariello-Maher released a statement saying that his tweet was satirical (zing!), even though his follow-up tweet on Sunday also said:

"To clarify: when the whites were massacre [sic] during the Haitian revolution, that was a good thing indeed."

This is the worst Saturday Night Live sketch ever,

Admittedly, I'm not certain the professor understands how satire works, and--if anything--the comedic stylings of Ciccariello-Maher are a little  moderately  massively dry, but it raises multiple issues.

White supremacists and their poorly run websites irrationally fear an American "white genocide" that will topple them from the socio-economic power position in the United States. Meanwhile, academics fear that freedom of speech will be smothered by a notable American university as a means to kill bad press.

In the end, what will really happen from all of this?

Nothing.

It'll blow over. News will cycle. Drexel University will sweat it out. Ciccariello-Maher will remain hidden on Twitter. White supremacists will spread hate. And everything old is new again is old again is new.

Zing!

Because satire is hard.

Haverford College 's library has a cat that it really, sorta, kinda doesn't want.

Valentino is his real name, and he has real owners. But the cat named Valentino tends to go by Havercat these days, named after the Haverford College campus he has wandered for nearly a year, and the library he has chosen as home.

According to Philly.com, the college claimed the cat wandered into the library last December, yet despite every attempt to shoo him out, Havercat found a way back in.

Havercat's original owners apparently didn't want him back. As a result, eventually a litter pan was brought into the library. Then food. Then bedding. Valentino became Havercat, and Havercat became a college prowler. So much so, he was caught on video killing a wild baby bunny.




Oh...oh, dear lord, this turned dark quickly. I thought this was about a cute cat living in a college library?

The library's Facebook page even posted casual follow-up videos to the baby bunny murder with a non-action packed eight second video labeled "Looking for more."





The joys of casual murder! It's adorable when so much fur is involved!

Except all of that prowling of the campus led to Havercat recently becoming injured somehow. Maybe it was a car that hit him, maybe a posse of ticked-off rabbits had a go--no one knows--but Havercat was found hurt. Veterinarians claim it was only bruising, but that he'd need weeks of indoor seclusion to rehabilitate, which the library cannot provide.

In the meantime, he'll be fostered in various homes until a forever home is available--preferably far, far away from Peter Rabbit's home.

Facebook is less particular about their hiring practices, while still being particular.

Potentially an executive at Facebook.

Investment banking.

Law.

Consulting firms.

A small handful of other professions.

Does your mom or dad wear a monocle or own a Bentley [but only with a man servant behind the wheel]? Did your grandfather have a closet full of top hats and smoking pipes? Do you know the elderly nanny that raised you better than your mother and father?  Does your name sound like a piece of furniture from Pottery Barn? Congratulations! You won the life lottery, and odds are you're employed in a small segment of career fields that desire such a background.

Facebook once operated similarly as well. As a smaller, promising upstart years ago born of Harvard's bosom, Facebook focused on hiring from a pool of candidates largely out of Ivy League schools, with the occasional Stanford thrown in for good measure. But today, as powerful companies focus solely on pedigree regardless of ability, the pool has drained thin. Very thin. This has led Facebook to expand their own talent pool search.

"We recruit from three hundred schools," Facebook vice president Janelle Gale mentioned at a San Francisco educator conference recently, all while shuffling her abacus and looking to be awarded a gold star. "We want to hire people who’s need to learn is greater than their need to be right," Gale said. What does that even mean? I don't know, but it's exciting in its ambiguity!

"We want people who are open and receptive. We want to make sure people are in jobs they are good at and enjoy," she continued.  People who are open and receptive and willing to accept being wrong when told so? Sounds like me as a bagger boy at a grocery store when I was fourteen. Where do I sign up?

Gale never specifically detailed the alleged three hundred schools Facebook recruits from, but Forbes analyzed LinkedIn's searchable database and found "at least 40 Facebook employees attended Arizona State, while nearly as many hail from Cal State, Chico. The University of Oregon has at least a dozen alumni at Facebook; Texas Tech can count six."

That's a steep drop off. Texas Tech counts six and we're only four schools into counting. Incuding the Ivy League and a handful of other overly connected schools, we still have a list of roughly 280 schools to flesh out. So how thin is this Facebook job search?

This is all related to what Lauren Rivera wrote late last year in the Harvard Business Review, studying how elite corporations have an incestuous relationship with elite schools, creating a cycle of elitist entitlement. "[Elite professions have] on-campus “school lists” [with] two tiers, based largely on prestige," Rivera notes. "So even before applications are received, employers allocate jobs based on alma mater, skewing opportunities toward (and against) students from particular campuses [...] This leaves most students from nonlisted schools out of the game."

Phew. At least we now know Facebook's hiring ambiguity wasn't done out of nobility but just pure necessity. The plebeian masses thought they might have a chance for a second, and that can't happen.

This Week in Science!!!

A career in writing will lead to premature aging and a healthy dose of personal humiliation. But science and medicine is where you'll make money, fame, and the respect of your parents. As a result, we might as well pay attention to what they're doing in those fields.

So it's time to take another peak at anything going on in the world of science and medicine this week.


Starting off with:  A weasel goes out in a flash...of sorts.

story one:
Weasels hate science!!!

Science hater.

Confirming long-held suspicions of villainous behavior, a weasel is possibly to blame for taking down the $7 billion, 17-mile Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

The collider--which moves protons at nearly the speed of light before smashing them together in hopes of building on data on the Higgs boson, a cornerstone of particle theory--went offline this week after a power cable was disabled.

And how was it disabled? Engineers found the charred, furry remains of what they believe was a weasel or marten at the scene of the crime. Crime doesn't pay, weasels! Karma bites back!

This isn't the first time cute animals have tried to cripple science at the Large Hadron Collider. Back in 2009, a soggy, plain baguette dropped by a passing bird became caught in some electrical equipment and took out the collider then as well. That's right--bread products and birds are undermining scientific advancements, too. The chaos needs to end!

Does this mean small woodland creatures hate particle theory? Are they fundamentalists? Spies? What's their angle? Only time will tell.



story two:
Brainless slime can adapt!!!

Little Bobby is delicious!

Slime actually exists outside of Nickelodeon skit shows and two-bit divorce lawyers, and scientists have discovered that it can think. Sort of, at least, according to Proceedings of the Royal Society B.

A single-celled organism called Physarum polycephalum has no nervous system, with largely a solitary desire to find food as its lone act of survival. Picture your average 15-year old boy. Just like that.

Scientists wanted to know if the unicellular organism would adapt if they put a harmless barrier between it and a food source. Using caffeine or quinine as the barrier, P. polycephalum showed reluctance to move at first. On day one of the experiment it took the slime hours to adjust to the barrier, as apparently our mindless friend doesn't appreciate the finer qualities of a cup of joe as we do.

After nearly a week of testing though, and apparently tired of the charade, the slime smartened up. Once placed in the petri dish on day six, it immediately moved across the barrier to its food source. Scientists believe this is an example of 'habituation,' where harmless stimuli are ignored in order for the appeasement of important life functions.

What to take away from this? Slime will adapt and dominate the planet in forty million years. Be prepared.



story three:
Your dog is a touch-me-not!!!

"Help meeeee."

A researcher at the University of British Columbia studied a collection of 250 photos of humans hugging their dogs and claims that not only are many people suspicious of being touched by you, but even your dog would appreciate three feet of personal space.

Stanley Doren, a professor of psychology at UBC, studied the photos and says the canines often exhibit signs of stress, anxiety, discomfort, or plain dislike of the hugging situation. The discomfort originates in dogs' inherent desire to flee from danger, and with all your hugging and canoodling you're trying to negate ages of evolutionary behavior.

Doren believes that 81.6% of dogs in the photos were giving off at least one sign of discomfort--all while you were trying to Instagram and Facebook that awkwardness--except you weren't picking up on the social cues apparently.

So the next time your dog is giving you some serious side-eye action, he's not flirting. He's wondering where the pepper spray is.



story four:
Zinc has never sounded so sexy!!!

Zinc = XXX

When a human egg is activated by a human sperm, a tiny little zinc firework explodes around the egg, researchers at Northwestern University say. The larger the zinc firework, the healthier the egg is for developing a viable embryo. Zinc is now officially the sexiest chemical on the periodic table.

Researchers say this could have huge benefits toward choosing the healthiest eggs for in vitro fertilization. "It’s a way of sorting egg quality in a way we’ve never been able to assess before," said Northwestern's Teresa Woodruff.

To think, all those years creepy guys said they could make fireworks happen in the bedroom--they weren't lying.

That Facebook friend of yours needs inspiration, probably isn't too bright.

Batman? Wait--I can be Batman?

The journal article, written by PhD candidate Gordon Pennycook from the University of Waterloo, is titled succinctly and bluntly and beautifully:

On the reception and detection of pseudo-profound bullshit

An empirical study on bullshit! By a man named Pennycook, too! Christmas morning came early to all of us.

In the study, Pennycook and four fellow researchers argue that there is a correlation between low intelligence and the embracing of profound quotes, the likes of which you see populating your Facebook newsfeed--which is to say they're not very profound at all.

To accomplish this, Pennycook had 300 participants read wonderfully inspiring quotes, rate them on a scale of 1-to-5, and classify those statements as either profound, mundane, or bullshit. An example inspirational quote offered up for participants to judge was along the likes of, "Hidden meaning transforms unparalleled abstract beauty." I don't know about you, but I just felt a shiver down my spine.

Pennycook also had these same participants tested on their overall cognitive abilities in order to detect intelligence. The results?

Those who claimed such a statement as total bullshit showed higher cognitive abilities. Or, put another way, those who found such a quote as profound...didn't show such abilities.

I'm beating around the bush. Boiled down, your friend on Facebook posting those quotes is not only emotionally fragile, they are sort of, uh, special--in the way only a parent can love.

A pregnant woman in labor continues taking her online college exam even while contractions were three minutes apart.

I once took a 5-minute pop quiz with a paper cut holding me back. Hurt like no one's business for a solid minute, I tell you, but I soldiered on in the name of education like a champ.

Which is really to say I'm pathetic. Tommitrise Collins was told she could only take a psychology exam on one given day. Timing being what it is, her soon-to-be newborn had other plans, so Collins marched forth, taking the exam from her hospital bed. Her sister, Shanell Brinkley-Chapman, posted this photo to Facebook showing Collins doing double-duty:

The Middle Georgia State University (which goes by the acronym MGA, throwing everyone off) student was told this would be the only chance to take the test. So a big shout-out to MGA for setting back equal rights for women by a hundred years! Good to see that those good ol' 19th century values still exist somewhere in America. Wouldn't want to advance them too quickly now!

Mark Zuckerberg is going to be doing a lot of reading in 2015.

It's not quite Oprah's book club, but the Facebook founder and CEO has established a page on his site called "A Year of Books" dedicated to a reading challenge where he vows to read one book every two weeks in 2015.

Zuckerberg's first book selection is Moises Naim's "The End of Power: From Boardrooms to Battlefields and Churches to States, Why Being In Charge Isn't What It Used to Be," a title that rolls right off the tongue, and has already sold out on Amazon before being restocked.

Expect Zuckerberg's future choices to be more like Naim, but Zuckerberg has mentioned previously a fondness for ancient Greek and Roman texts and celebrity biographies.

So get ready to cozy up with "The Aeneid."



photo: Politico

Social media and an obsession for morning haikus has led little known poet to crack bestseller lists.

Tyler Knott Gregson is a 33-year old Montana-based poet and photographer who started posting one poem a day--usually with an accompanying photo--to his social media accounts, like Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. For five years he's continued this, never missing a day, which has led to over a quarter million followers on Tumblr.

According to the Wall Street Journal, usually his mornings start with posting a haiku and photo, followed by afternoons where he scans longer poems composed on a typewriter, which are then shared with the masses.

This addiction to his craft has paid off, as his first collection of poetry, Chasers of the Light: Poems from the Typewriter Series, has cracked multiple bestseller lists, with over 50,000 copies in print. That's largely unheard of for poetry, never mind a first-time published poet.

As for his daily poetry, Gregson sees some sort of potential for it ending eventually. As he tells the Journal, "I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up. [...] But I have a noisy brain, so I just keep going."

Gift of free GQ Magazine subscription infuriates Lands' End shoppers, disturbs and fascinates teenage boys.

Lands' End is known for its outdoorsy clothing--a sea of khakis and plaids and hiking boots.

GQ Magazine is known for boring articles and high-end fashion which rarely involves khakis, plaids, or hiking boots.

And when the two met, it didn't turn out that great.

Recently, GQ's publisher, Conde Nast, struck a deal with Lands' End to reward the clothing company's best customers with a free subscription. Instead of enjoying the free magazine in their mailbox--which this month features a very scantily clad Emily Ratajkowski modeling on the cover--many Land's End customers revolted. Their biggest concern seems to be with their sons.

“We received your ‘Lands’ End Bonus’ of GQ magazine this weekend, and we are absolutely horrified," wrote one woman on Land's End's Facebook page, hopefully horrified at GQ's shoddy articles. "How can buying something as family friendly as school uniforms lead to soft porn in the mailbox? I’m thankful my son did not bring in the mail.”

Nope. She's fine with the articles.

Said another customer, who's son did go to the mailbox: "My 14-year-old son brought in the mail today & was quite disturbed & fascinated by a ‘gift’ Lands’ End sent us — a copy of GQ magazine with an absolutely OBSCENE cover!!!."

Never has the U.S. postal mail ever been more of a moral yo-yo than for this young lad.

The outrage over Ms. Ratajkowski's appearance was so overwhelming, Lands' End immediately issued an apology and changed the magazine subscription customers received to Conde Nast Traveler.

This month's cover of Traveler? It features a staircase in San Pietro on the Aeolian island of Panarea.

Mark Zuckerberg gave Newark, NJ, $100 million for its schools, and he didn't even get a lousy t-shirt.

The New Yorker has come out with a damning report that details how state and local officials in Newark and New Jersey, respectively, largely wasted a $100 million donation from Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg, to improve the city's schools.

In 2010, Zuckerberg announced on Oprah's television show about his generous offer, and demanded few stipulations for the donation, except that Newark's then-mayor, Cory Booker, find other donors to raise another $100 million (thus, Zuckerberg's money being matched dollar-for-dollar), and that the superintendent of schools be replaced by a "transformational leader."

The governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, signed off on the deal, and joined Booker in trying this new approach to funding a struggling school district.

What occurred, says the The New Yorker, is rampant waste, to the tune of $20 million alone being spent on consulting firms, with some individual consultants making upwards of $1,000 a day. Likewise, Zuckerberg's stipulation of a new superintendent went unfulfilled for months, until Booker eventually hired Cami Anderson.

Cami Anderson, according to the report, implemented ideas for programs--but never fleshed those programs out. Basic issues like transportation weren't even finalized, never mind academic matters.

Newark citizens haven't heard from Zuckerberg, Booker, or Christie how much money the district has left, or how poor the situation really is, says the magazine, "despite millions spent on community engagement."

To recap this mess:
1. A billionaire donates $100 million to improve a destitute school district.
2. Politicians promise to improve the schools as a result of that money.
3. Money goes to consultants instead of improving schools.
(...stop me if you're surprised at any point...)
4. "Community engagement" involves neither the community or engagement.
5. No one responsible wants to talk.

In other words, it's just Tuesday in New Jersey.




photo: dailytech.com

Everyone loves this mystery first grader's poem.

Photographer Jason Gardner visited some New York public schools to photograph various students and their families, when he caught a glimpse of poem written by an anonymous first grader during an after school program for National Poetry Month.

The photo has since gone viral, as people have flocked to the simple, cute imagery penned by a child.

While the poem and photo from Gardner's Facebook page has become all the rage, the story behind it is now become the most shared item on New York's NPR website, and countless websites like Yahoo, Gawker, and Perez Hilton have all jumped on the bandwagon. Whoever wrote it, it's the most popular poem written in America in the 21st century. Which is saying something.


Photo: Jason Gardner



I call shenanigans. This anonymous first grader apparently can't spell for their life, and the letters somehow change shape in the last sentence (specifically the letter "E")--but they know how to use adverbs and phrases like "personal space." And though it's posted in a school, somehow no one has any idea who wrote it. No teacher, no aide, no supervisor, no one. Sure. Mystery children are often allowed to randomly post things in a school with no one else aware.

Yes. I'm a cynic.

Note: It's Paddy, not Patty.

Those named Patrick read like a who's who of B-level talent from human history. From actors (Swayze, Duffy, Dempsey) to athletes (Ewing, Rafter, Kuhl, Kane), politicians (Henry, Buchanan) to pop stars (Monahan, Morrisey), few areas of expertise have ever been dominated by someone named Patrick.

Except saints. Patricks own sainthood.

Being St. Patrick's Day, it seemed like as good a day as any to set people right on the proper nickname for someone named Patrick, and of all places the Dublin Airport came to the rescue today with this post to their Facebook page:

See, Patty comes from the feminine Patricia. Paddy comes from the masculine Pádraig. Patrick itself evolved from the Latin patricius (which also came from the current word patrician)--as did Pádraig. In short, Patrick is just the English variant of Pádraig.

Put another way, English Patrick is just the B-grade Irish Pádraig.



Patricks also own the market on game show hosts and hardcore televangelists. Pat Sajak and Pat Robertson? I know, it's impressive


photo: ABC NEWS

Daughter loses dad's settlement money, probably isn't going to Europe.

Patrick Snay won an $80,000 age-discrimination settlement against his former employer, Gulliver Prepatory School, but he lost it just as quickly after his daughter broke the terms of the confidential agreement while bragging on Facebook.

According to the Miami Herald, Snay claimed in 2010 that Gulliver Prep didn't renew his contract for employment as its headmaster because of age discrimination. He sued, and the two parties came to an agreement. Snay, now 69-years old, would receive $10,000 in back wages, $60,000 toward his lawyers' fees, and $80,000 awarded as a settlement. All this was conditioned upon a confidential agreement that it would not be spoken about publicly.

Enter the boastful, snarky daughter!

Patrick Snay's daughter, 20-year old Dana, a student at Boston College, gloated to her 1,200 'friends' on Facebook shortly after the agreement. "Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver," Dana wrote. "Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT."

Or, as the Germans would say, SAUGEN SIE!

Dana's near and dear 1,200 friends included many students, current and former, at Gulliver where she was once a student as well, and word spread quickly. Eventually officials at Gulliver caught wind and their lawyers filed a complaint.

This week, Judge Linda Ann Wells overturned the $80,000 settlement, ruling that the Snay family didn't abide by the confidentiality requirement. "His daughter then did precisely what the confidentiality agreement was designed to prevent," Wells remarked.

No word on what Dana Snay has to say now about the lost money or trip to Europe.

As the French might say, cette coups.




photo: Dana Snay/Facebook, via Yahoo

40% of young people use social media while sitting on the toilet.

So states a study by Nielsen, which says tweeting and Facebook updates are happening 4 out of 10 times while a young adult (20-40) is popping a squat.

Hot takes via Twitter just took on a whole new level.

Princeton researchers: Facebook will die out like the bubonic plague.

Researchers say social media sites spread like infectious diseases, but humans grow immune.

Per the researchers, via The Telegraph:

"Ideas, like diseases, have been shown to spread infectiously between people before eventually dying out, and have been successfully described with epidemiological models."

Likewise, researchers say that Facebook's 1.2 billion monthly users will largely abandon the site by 2017, thus continuing the bubonic plague analogy and turning this into a zombie apocalypse.

Somewhere, a track-suited Charles Heston, Omega Man-style, is waiting at the ready.

Facebook makes for better writers, says teacher.

Facebook makes students emotionally better writers, writes high school English teacher Andrew Simmons on The Atlantic. The social media giant especially helps boys, as young men are opening up and becoming more introspective and honest online, and that transfers over to their school writing.

Simmons also notes that students are still a train wreck with incomplete sentences, lack paragraphs, and use emoticons within their essays.

But are they emotionally better emoticons? That's the real question here.

So, in essence, colleges are stalking you and you're lying to them.

The New York Times reports that colleges and universities have stepped up their game to stalk prospective students' Facebook, Twitter, and social media profiles--and are using that information in their application decision making.

In response, students say they're manipulating their online presence to portray a positive presentation (in hopes of being accepted to college!), while maintaining a secondary social media presence with false names, so they can be themselves (in hopes of being nasty to that fellow high schooler killing their popularity!).

It's a weird courting ritual filled with obsession and lies.

It's like The Bachelor, but with fewer roses.