Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts

Monday, February 17, 2020

The Richard Nixon Presidential Library is offering free cherry pie. Because...hey, it's pie?





Being president of the United States doesn't necessarily mean the person holding the office has a discerning palate.

Ronald Reagan cherished jelly beans, while Bill Clinton never met a cheeseburger on the campaign trail he could pass up. Dwight Eisenhower loved his wife's homemade fudge, John F. Kennedy adored New England clam chowder, and Woodrow Wilson enjoyed a good chicken salad.

Today being President's Day, this leads to curious deals and promotions, including the Richard Nixon Presidential Library and Museum offering half-priced admission. And for the first 1,000 visitors, they'll also receive a free piece of cherry pie.

Why cherry pie? Why pie at all? One wonders. You might think the library would choose apple pie (you know, the whole "American as..."), or you might draw a logical conclusion that Nixon must have been obsessed with cherry pie. Except the library doesn't say.

Indeed, as noted on Business Insider, Nixon's favorite go-to food was something far more curious--so curious as to border on the bizarre. Apparently Nixon loved cottage cheese and ketchup. Together. Often as breakfast.

Ketchup. On. Cottage. Cheese.

Try to get that gelatinous culinary horror erased from your mind right now. You can't. That's a visual no one wants to have. And yet here we were thinking Nixon's worst behavior was about Watergate all along.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Famous Writers Arrested: Ring Lardner, Jr.


Here we'll occasionally dive into mugshots of the criminally-inclined writers who found themselves in the big house. Crime doesn't pay, although literature sometimes does.


Today:  Ring Lardner, Jr.


Ring Lardner, Jr's. mugshot

Ring Lardner, Jr., was renowned in Hollywood circles in the 1940s, making more money for his screenwriting than most actors earned as the face of the movie. His success led to winning an Academy Award in 1942 for his script for the Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracey-led Woman of the Year.

But amidst all the fame, amidst all the glamour, amidst all the awards, Lardner's career spiraled onto a blacklist for a time as he went to jail for not participating in a congressional witch hunt.

So, why?

In the heady days leading up to World War II, the United States fell under a veil of panic, a precursor of sorts of the 1950's "red scare" of Communists from the Soviet Union.

By 1938, as Adolf Hitler gained power in Europe, the United States established the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC), which acted as an investigative arm of Congress that looked into any citizen--private or public--deemed subversive in their behavior. This was especially true of groups having affiliations with Fascist or Communist organizations.


Congressman Martin Dies, Jr., the first chairman of the HUAC from 1938-1945.

Congressional members picked their targets randomly. The HUAC went after the Federal Theater Project and Federal Writers Project, questioning if Communists had infiltrated the rash of actors and writers. They went after Japanese-Americans during World War II, creating an argument for their internment. And yet the HUAC chose not to go after the Ku Klux Klan because, as Congressman John Rankin of Mississippi said, "After all, the KKK is an old American institution."

As 1947 rolled along, and America began the early stages of the Cold War with the Soviet Union, the HUAC targeted members of Hollywood for their left-leaning views. Over forty individuals testified, many naming names of others they claimed held Communist sympathies. It was a modern-day Salem Witch Trial, where no proof was needed, only allegations. But ten other witnesses chose not to cooperate with the congressional investigation--one of those ten being Ring Lardner, Jr.


The Hollywood Ten, with two others.

The group--later called "The Hollywood Ten"--included another Oscar-winning screenwriter, Dalton Trumbo. Both men, along with their eight fellow witnesses, claimed they had protections and privileges granted by the First Amendment that allowed them to not cooperate with the HUAC. Congress and the court system disagreed. Despite a number of appeals lasting until 1950, all ten men were sent to prison for contempt of Congress, with Lardner sentenced to one year at the Danbury (CT) Federal Prison.


Not the headline you want associated with yourself.

Hollywood blacklisted Ring Lardner Jr., Dalton Trumbo, and the eight other witnesses for a few years after their prison sentences, turning incredibly successful screenwriters and directors into jobless individuals looking for a break. But because Hollywood operates off of money, and money talks, circumstances slowly ebbed in Lardner's favor. By the mid-1950s, Lardner began writing under a pseudonym with fellow blacklistee Ian McLellan Hunter, scriptwriting for television shows like The Adventures of Robin Hood in Great Britain. The blacklist ended in 1965, when director Norman Jewison and producer Martin Ransohoff gave Lardner full screenwriting credit for the Steve McQueen movie The Cincinnati Kid, with Lardner's full name, his full respect, his full due.




By 1970, Lardner won a second Academy Award for his screenplay of the movie adaption of M*A*S*H.

Although near the end of his life, Lardner had one last laugh left. He confessed to fellow writer Miklós Vámos that he won yet another Academy Award under a pseudonym while blacklisted.

Lardner refused to say which pseudonym specifically, as another fellow writer allowed Lardner to use his name and did a favor during a very dark time. To this day, no one knows which famous movie it is exactly that Lardner wrote.

A short addition to this story that brings it all together:
The chairman of the House Un-American Activities Committee in 1947 was a Republican Congressman from New Jersey named J. Parnell Thomas.

In 1948, Thomas' secretary sent newspaper columnist Drew Pearson information regarding how Thomas was placing people on his staff payroll as clerks (although they were clerks in name only), and then these individuals would turn their income back over the Thomas. This increased his salary and allowed Thomas to avoid a higher tax bracket.

Rep. J. Parnell Thomas

A grand jury was convened and Thomas was called to testify. He claimed he had First Amendment rights that absolved him from cooperating, just as "The Hollywood Ten" had claimed in 1947 when Thomas was chairman--a right he denied them.

The courts disagreed he had that right as well, and Thomas was convicted of fraud and sentenced to 18-months in a federal prison.

The prison? The same Danbury (CT) Federal Prison Ring Lardner, Jr. received his sentence. Their sentences overlapped. Lardner and Thomas, the accused and the accuser, became prison mates.


Monday, January 27, 2020

When Writers Go Weird: That time Yukio Mishima tried to stage a coup and then committed seppuku





Are writers ever normal? No, otherwise they'd be productive members of society. When Writers Go Weird is when we remember writers acting strange, odd, off, or--yeah--just plain weird. Also known as Tuesday to them.


Today:  That time Yukio Mishima tried to spark a political coup, only to end up committing seppuku.


It's hard to imagine writers as ever being passionate enough to attempt a coup. Most writers can't even be passionate enough about their choices in coffee, alcohol, or spouses. Sure, writers dream of creating revolutions in thought, in imagination, but through passive means. At least that's the dream.

Then there's Yukio Mishima. And Mishima wasn't passive. But he had a dream in the autumn of 1970.

Who He Was:
Somewhat forgotten in western circles, Mishima is arguably Japan's most famous author of the 20th century. He wrote endlessly, with nearly three dozen novels, fifty plays, two dozen collections of short stories, and almost three dozen books devoted to essays. He even wrote a libretto and a film. He was like if Charles Dickens had a illegitimate lovechild with the Energizer Bunny.

His work didn't go unnoticed, as he was nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature three times, and appeared on the final short list for the award in 1963 when he was only 38-years old.

Lest you think Mishima was always busy writing, he also acted in a handful of films, sang the theme song to one, and was a part-time model. He was also famously devoted to working out. As this photo can attest, Mishima never missed ab day:


He probably wrote three novels before breakfast.


Clearly obsessed with work, Mishima was also obsessed with his politics--and his politics was styled in a conservative nationalism born from an upbringing from unconventional grandmother, authoritarian father, and the ruins of Japan's role in World War II. His obsession to tradition--Japanese tradition--led to his downfall.


The Family Tradition:
Born in 1925, Mishima's father worked in the government, while his mother came from a historic and affluent family--and historic it was. Mishima's grandmother was the granddaughter of the daimyō (an old Japanese feudal lord system) of Shishido. She also was a direct descendant of Tokugawa Ieyasu, a shogun who started a shogunate that essentially ran Japan from 1600-1868. In essence, Yukio Mishima came from a long line of relatives highly aligned with the leadership of Japan.


Tokugawa Ieyasu starts the family tradition.


It's this same grandmother that decided to take Mishima away from his parents for years and raise her grandson herself. An eccentric by some accounts, she rarely allowed Mishima to play in sunlight or with other boys. He was allowed to enjoy time with female cousins and their dolls instead. Later, when he was given back to his parents, Mishima's strict father wanted his son toughened-up. He did this reportedly by holding young Mishima up closely against passing trains. All in all, Mishima became the type of person who did not want to disappoint his father's rules or his grandmother's prestige. He was obsessed with tradition.

The Private Life:
As he grew up, Mishima's private life was always closely held. He married a woman, had two children, yet was also reportedly gay. His widow and children for decades have denied it, despite one fellow writer, Jiro Fukushima, releasing love letters he and Mishima wrote to each other. (Fukushima was sued by Mishima's children in 1998 for an invasion of privacy and copyright. The children won.) For decades, Mishima's family denied the likelihood of his sexuality for reasons we can only make broad assumptions about--but it's fair to say tradition again plays into the narrative.


Mishima on his wedding day.


...Aaaaaaaaaand The Coup:
Mishima enlisted in Japan's Ground Self-Defense Force in 1967 and then later started a private militia called Tatenokai (or "shield society"), recruited mainly of young college students that held far-right beliefs. Mishima claimed this militia was to protect the Emperor of Japan. For Mishima, the Emperor wasn't man, but instead the Japanese essence and traditions of the nation--or so it seemed. "Emperor" as a term often waffled between "man" and "essence."

Regardless, in his final years, he became more and more aligned with a conservative nationalist viewpoint--so conservative that he believed Emperor Hirohito should have abdicated the throne after Japan lost World War II. He also espoused the belief in "bushido," a traditional form on nationalism and pride based off the age of samurai, of Japan's glory days.

By 1969--and still training his private militia--Mishima apparently began planning a coup d'etat with four hand-selected members of his group to restore more power to the Emperor, be it man or essence. No one knew of this plan except these few people. All while this was ongoing, Mishima continued publishing novels.


Mishima with some of his recruits.


On November 25th, 1970, Mishima and his four militiamen visited a Japanese self-defense force base under false pretenses, and barricaded themselves in a general's office. Soldiers on the base rushed the office to protect the general, but Mishima's militia had swords drawn and stabbed eight soldiers before locking themselves completely away. They held the general hostage by tying him to a chair.


Soldiers outside the barricaded office.

At noon, Mishima proceeded to a balcony with a prepared speech, with unfurled banners at his feet, while some of Japan's Self-Defense Force from the base slowly gathered below.


And things just became weird.

He planned a rousing 30-minute speech that explained how necessary it was to return Japan to its former glory and why the soldiers needed to rise up.
____________________

"...The [Japanese Self-Defense Forces]...has only been given the status of a...large police force...And we believe that our...duty as citizens is...to work towards the day when...the [Japanese Self-Defense Force] can be made into a true national military."

"...The foundational principle of a Japanese military can only be 'protecting Japanese history, culture and tradition centered on the emperor'..."


____________________

Mishima is really feeling it now.

But the soldiers below refused to listen. They weren't riled-up as Mishima intended. They weren't overwhelmed by a sense of national pride or duty to an Emperor--be it man or essence. They simply jeered or spoke over the famous writer has he continued to talk. Soldiers attempted to leap up and pull the banners down. At points he tried admonishing them, "Listen, quiet, listen to me!", all while calling the country "spineless," but to no avail.

Mishima gave up and went back inside. The attempted coup wouldn't even last an afternoon. It wouldn't even last a single speech. His coup failed.

Shortly thereafter, he prepared himself to die. Traditional as he was, Mishima decided to kill himself in the ritualistic form of seppuku, which dishonored samurai performed, where one slices open their stomach and disembowels themselves. He used a dagger and slid it across his stomach. His last words were reportedly, "I don’t think they heard me very well."

Tradition states that during seppuku, someone else must assist with the ritual and decapitate the individual disemboweling themselves. The kaishakunin (or appointed second) has a duty to use a sword at the moment of agony. For this fateful day, the role went to one of Mishima's militiamen, Masakatsu Morita, who tried and failed three times to sever the head of his leader. A fellow militia member, Hiroyasu Koga, then took over and finished Mishima's seppuku ritual decapitation.

Morita, who had failed at his duty--and, thus, now a dishonored samurai--performed seppuku on himself as well by cutting his stomach open. Koga then completed the ritual once again and decapitated Morita.


Hiroyasu Koga led away after following through with tradition.

The captive general was released and Koga and the remaining militiamen surrendered. And the coup and ritualistic suicides ended as quickly as they started. Blended in all of this was a strict adherence to tradition that Mishima believed, a tradition he was taught, a tradition he was born into. Decades of work and establishing himself as one of the greatest writers of his country was dismissed within the fleeting moments of one late November day. Today, the events are passively known in Japan as "The Mishima Incident."

In 2017, a Tokyo television station unearthed an old interview involving Mishima. It occurred nine months before the attempted coup, on February 19, 1970. In it, the author speaks with British translator John Bester on the Tokyo Broadcasting System. According to Nippon, Mishima thought of his end already:
____________________

"I feel death has come into my body," Mishima said on the tape. “I’m obsessed with the idea that in Japan today, the only thing to do is to correct the language,” he also commented.

Criticizing his own writing, he said, “The flaw in my works is that the structures are too dramatic. I smear on my sentences like oil paintings. I hate Japanese-style pictures, which leave empty space.” He also said the Constitution was hypocritical.


____________________

His self-reflection believed his work had become too dramatic, then, too, one notices his adherence to tradition as also too dramatic. Yet, here we are.

For seppuku, tradition dictates having a death poem prepared should the individual follow through with their end. Mishima, ever-observant of tradition, left these final words behind:
____________________

A small night storm blows
Saying ‘falling is the essence of a flower’
Preceding those who hesitate
____________________

Years later, the suicide and coup quietly faded in importance or notoriety, all the while Yukio Mishima remains in Japan's consciousness. The Mishima Prize was established in 1988 to honor work that "breaks new ground for the future of literature," while The Mishima Yukio Literature Museum was built beside Lake Yamanaka.

And in San Francisco, during the inaugural ceremony establishing the Rainbow Honor Walk, a hall of fame for LGBTQ individuals who were pioneers in their field, twenty individuals who were artists, musicians, writers, and protesters were unveiled.

Ever the writer and a protester, Yukio Mishima was among those first inducted.



Monday, August 14, 2017

J.K. Rowling enjoys trumping Trump through Twitter.



While Donald Trump loves himself a good Twitter rant (he tweeted eleven musings throughout the day today), apparently J.K. Rowling doesn't love those rants quite as much.

In July Trump posted a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Why Emerson, I don't know. Maybe it was on his quote-a-day calendar sitting on the Oval Office desk:




Tiny matters of the future?! Clearly, Trump is unaware of the potential butter shortage chaos that awaits us all. Nonetheless, Rowling threw a barb at Trump, albeit a month late:




((((rim shot))))

Although sometimes what lies within us is a Taco Bell Spicy Double Chalupa. Emerson really didn't think this one through.



Monday, August 7, 2017

The PBS Newshour held a small contest for healthcare haiku. No, it's not supposed to make sense.





PBS as a whole isn't really known as a live wire of humor or excitement. A pledge drive featuring James Taylor or Downton Abbey marathons is about as wild as they get.

Specifically, the nightly PBS NewsHour is as zany as a retirement community in Del Boca Vista after 7pm, which is why it's odd that the newscast decided to hold a haiku contest recently. Lest you think rules were left open-ended, viewers were invited to submit seventeen syllables of creativity regarding healthcare in America.

Indeed...you just reflexively yawned just now at learning that.

Regardless, haiku were submitted, and the NewsHour selected two winners:
__________

Can’t pay the M.D.,
no money for surgery,
but I can die free!
–Ronnie Dugger
__________

The Health Care Debate
A final insanity
Which no one can win.
–Dorothy Workman
__________

Dugger and Workman won nothing for their effort it seems. Not even a PBS tote bag, and those things are handed out like there was an Amazon Prime sale on them.


Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Harvard Law School mistakenly listed Anthony Scaramucci as dead.




Say it with me: Only his political career is, Harvard...only his political career.

Harvard Law School released the latest printed edition of its alumni directory recently, where the former White House communications director has an asterisk beside his name. What does the asterisk mean? That Anthony Scaramucci is dead.

Harvard apologized, telling The Washington Post it was a regrettable "error" and that they'd fix the mistake in future editions.

The one small problem? Before this year, the directory was last printed six years ago. This means The Mooch might have to wait a bit before his resurrection can occur.



Saturday, July 29, 2017

Saturday Morning PSA of The Week: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na SAVINGS BONDS!!



Today's public service announcements are all information and no imagination--but yesteryear's? Those were full of drama, plot lines, and cameos from B-grade celebrities, all wedged into one minute of absolute fantasticness.

Consider this a trip back in time to when PSAs were sometimes worth watching more than the Saturday morning cartoons.


Today:  BAM! KAPOW! TREASURY ACTION!!





Random Thoughts and Questions:
1.)  Is Batman farsighted? What's going on here? Why is he holding the card so far away at the beginning?
2.)  Don't his gloves look like something Audrey Hepburn would've worn in Breakfast at Tiffany's?
3.)  That's right kids, get cracking on those savings bonds and pull your weight. No one cares if you're in kindergarten still.
4.)  What is "practical citizenship" exactly? Isn't that, like, taking out the garbage and mowing your lawn?
5.)  Don't forget, kids, you're also helping in Vietnam! I hear that whole get-together turns out well for the U.S. in the end! Thanks, kids!


Saturday, July 1, 2017

Saturday Morning PSA of The Week: But do they get a juice and cookie break during all this work?



Today's public service announcements are all information and no imagination--but yesteryear's? Those were full of drama, plot lines, and cameos from B-grade celebrities, all wedged into one minute of absolute fantasticness.

Consider this a trip back in time to when PSAs were sometimes worth watching more than the Saturday morning cartoons.


Today:  Cheap labor never sounded so good.





Random Thoughts and Questions:
1.)  "Psst. Psst. PSST! You're on, Governor." --Said by the director of this PSA probably.
2.)  The statues on Easter Island are less rigid than this guy.
3.)  Soooo, you're just letting us know boy scouts are going to be some free child labor?
4.)  Meanwhile, the Girl Scouts were raking in the bucks by making all of us happy with their cookies. No one can deny a Thin Mint or Samoas.



Monday, April 24, 2017

Donald Trump doesn't read, even to kids.



When he was a running for president, then-candidate Donald Trump let the world know he didn't read books.

As The Washington Post described it--regarding if Trump ever read biographies of former presidents--he replied: "I never have. I’m always busy doing a lot. Now I’m more busy, I guess, than ever before."

The Post continued, explaining Trump's reading habits:


"Trump’s desk is piled high with magazines, nearly all of them with himself on their covers, and each morning, he reviews a pile of printouts of news articles about himself that his secretary delivers to his desk. But there are no shelves of books in his office..."


Fast forward to candidate Trump becoming President Trump, and nothing much has changed. At the annual Easter egg roll at La Casa Blanca--where presidents traditionally read to children--Trump still couldn't grab a random Dr. Seuss and take five minutes for rhyme time.

What we got was the Press Secretary--and human steam missile--Sean Spicer reading to some random child, alone, in a how-to of awkwardness:




Is that kid questioning his life decisions the entire time? Yes--yes he is.

Elsewhere, Attorney General Jeff Sessions read It's Not Easy Being a Bunny, a 39-page marathon that doesn't have much of a Wikipedia page, and goes for the low-low, moved-to-sell price of $6.01 at Barnes and Noble.

First Lady Melania Trump chose a children's book by Kathie Lee Gifford, Party Animals, to read.



According to the Amazon description:


"Successful talk show host, singer, songwriter, actress, and author Kathie Lee Gifford has come up with a delightful book for children! Lucy Goosy is carefully reviewing her list of animals to invite for her birthday party. She has to make sure to invite the right guests so that her party will be perfect. But when she focuses on everyone's bad qualities, instead of good, she discovers that there is no one to attend! With a little help from the Wise Owl..."

Okay, that's enough. I was lost after calling Kathie Lee a successful singer and songwriter. Amateur mic night at the Chuckle Hut has better creativity.

Instead, our First Lady chose a book written by a ghost writer most likely created by a morning talk show host to share at Easter. That, and it had human kamikaze, Sean Spicer, indulging in a creepy read-along with random kid alone.

Yet, nowhere was the president.

By comparison, Barack Obama routinely read books to children, and not books by television hosts:




Admittedly, Dr. Seuss and Maurice Sendak never featured Donald Trump in a book, which explains why he doesn't read them.

This would be a missed opportunity by them. Or good sense.




Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Ayn Rand won't go away.


She's getting irked because she saw someone do something nice.

Ayn Rand is either a philosopher, a genius, and a skilled writer,

OR

She's a selfish, frightening, and a miserable hack at making books.

Either way, she's as popular as ever.

The way you view her says as much as your view on literature as it does your own personal moral compass. While Rand wrote two novels, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, it is her creation and development of a philosophical movement of Objectivism--featured in her two books--that keeps her memory alive 35-years after her death.

Did you just ask her for a cookie? Did you??

While her philosophy's scope darts in a dozen directions, one area stands forth today. In layman's terms, Objectivism argues that people should be selfish for their own personal betterment, and that personal self-interest in the only proper moral action. In essence, Objectivism bristles at altruistic behavior, and finds nothing good in doing good deeds for others. Want to eat that last cookie instead of sharing it? Objectivism would tell you to have it all for yourself, then buy a new bag of Oreos and refuse to share them with your friends or loved ones. Keep those cookies away from the hungry people most, too.

Put another way, it's a fancy way to explain being greedy.


A how-to guide on how to be mean!

Jonathan Freedland, a columnist with London's Guardian newspaper, focused on how Rand's philosophy has been embraced with open arms by the current La Casa Blanca administration and executives in Silicon Valley, with believers like Donald Trump, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, House Speaker Paul Ryan, the founder of Uber, Travis Kalanick, and even the deceased Steve Jobs, who called Atlas Shrugged one of the "guides of his life." It seems Ayn Rand is more popular in death than she ever was in life.

Says Freedland:


"No wonder the tech companies don’t mind destroying, say, the taxi business or the traditional news media. Such concerns are beneath the young, powerful men at the top: even to listen to such concerns would be to betray the singularity of their own pure vision. It would be to break Rand’s golden rule, by which the visionary must never sacrifice himself to others.

[...]

Such an ideology will find a ready audience for as long as there are human beings who feel the rush of greed and the lure of unchecked power, longing to succumb to both without guilt. Which is to say: for ever."



If, by chance, you feel the allure of Ayn Rand and Objectivism slowly wooing you, like you wouldn't mind being selfish and only praising yourself, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver had a quick comedic segment a couple seasons ago asking why Ayn Rand was still a thing:





Why IS Rand a thing? Because selfishness is a thing, and selfishness is easy.

That said, slogging through a thousand pages of Atlas Shrugged or The Fountainhead is hard. Be selfish and refuse to subject yourself to them.



Friday, April 14, 2017

Two hundred movie theaters showed '1984' last week as a protest to the government.





According to the website United State of Cinema, two hundred art house cinemas showed the dystopian movie 1984 last week, which is based on George Orwell's novel of the same name.

Over 184 cities and 44 states had a showing, while locations outside the country--five in Canada, and one each in England, Sweden, Holland, New Zealand, and Croatia--also joined in.

The collected group of theaters decided the week of April 4th was timely, as the protagonist in the book and movie begins his diary on that day.

The theaters' goal?


"The endeavor encourages theaters to take a stand for our most basic values: freedom of speech, respect for our fellow human beings, and the simple truth that there are no such things as 'alternative facts.'"


Delaware, Idaho, Mississippi, North Dakota, Tennessee, and Wyoming--all states with their fingers on the pulse of the excitement--were the six states that didn't have a single cinema in their entire state show the film. By comparison, California had 28 locations. Even Alaska and Alabama had a single location feature the film.

Delaware has a history of never involving itself in anything. It's like the agoraphobic of American states, the geographic and political equivalent of a pasty man with no calf muscle definition who enjoys white rice, low sodium saltines, and the smooth, smooth taste of filtered water.

What I'm trying to say is that it's a bad sign when even Alabama outdoes you.



Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Merriam-Webster Twitter feed offers lovely passive aggressive commentary on the day's events.




In the past year, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Twitter feed has grown exponentially, grabbing users with its quizzes and hints of sarcasm in a way no one thought a dictionary could do.

Now with 428,000 followers (okay, it's nothing compared to Bieber or Bernie Sanders, but how many do you have?), the feed has dived into blending language and definitions with popular news stories of the day. It's even been nominated for a Webby Award for best social media writing, alongside Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and Barack Obama's playlist on Spotify.

Last week, Merriam-Webster's Twitter lent a hand to Ivanka Trump after she said she didn't know what 'complicit' meant, and this week it's the United Airlines story that's swept the nation:



Ooooh, zing! You know United has it bad when even dictionaries think they can muscle up and take a few shots at you.



Wednesday, April 5, 2017

And don't even ask her what 'implicit' means.



complicit /kəmˈplisit/ adjective:
      --
involved with others in an illegal activity or wrongdoing.


Ivanka Trump was interviewed on 60 Minutes the other day and said, "I don't know what it means to be complicit."

While not necessarily considered an obscure word, Merriam-Webster has seen 'complicit' spike in its search terms.



Words. Words are hard. They're complicit in making us sound dense sometimes.



Saturday, April 1, 2017

In grade school, Matthew Perry apparently beat up Canada's current prime minister.



Appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live recently, self-proclaimed half-Canadian Matthew Perry (Chandler from Friends) said that while in grade school he and a friend once beat up Canadian Prime Minister--and possible hair care model--Justin Trudeau.

"We both beat him up," said Perry. "I think he was excelling in a sport that we weren't, so it was pure jealousy."





"I think he was the only kid in school that we could beat up," Perry said about Justin--whose own father, Pierre Trudeau, was Prime Minister of Canada at the time. Clearly this is Canada, where you can shake down and sucker punch the nation's leader's kid and not go to jail.

After mulling it over, the current Prime Minister took to Twitter to offer up an idea.


Based on the eye test of how each man looks now, if Vegas offers odds, lay your money on the Prime Minister to take round two.



Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Randomness Corner: Nebraska state flag flew upside down for ten days over the state capitol and no one noticed.


...said no one--ever.

Nebraska--a mythical barren land mass of corn and desperation that some claim exists in the middle of the United States--apparently had the state flag fly over the capitol in Lincoln FOR TEN DAYS before someone noticed it was upside down.

Was it a declaration of surrender to neighboring Kansas? Wyoming? There's a chance South Dakota has invaded at this point. Would anyone notice?

As if being forced to live in Nebraska wasn't humiliating enough, now the citizens realize their politicians can't recognize the state flag. Nebraska State Senator Burke Harr suggests the state redesign the flag so people actually knows what it looks like. This, despite criticism that the state has more important issues, like a looming budget deficit.

Harr disagrees. "[Nebraska] can walk and chew gum at the same time," he said.

Impressive!

Except Nebraska just can't raise or notice its own state flag at the same time, that's all.



Saturday, January 28, 2017

La Casa Blanca es un desastre!


Not quite la casa blanca I'm looking for.

The official website of the White House, henceforth known as la Casa Blanca on this humble page, has long allowed a translation from the English language into Spanish. This might be because over 41 million Americans are native Spanish speakers, with an additional 11.6 million native English speakers also fluent in the romance language.

The 52.6 million fluent speakers of Spanish in the United States is more than the number of people who live in Spain. Only Mexico has more.

Alas, in the last week, the official Casa Blanca website has stopped allowing a Spanish translation for no apparent reason other than it's not English. President Donald Trump even once said during a primary debate his preference. "This is a country where we speak English," Trump said. Except, you know, for where the country speaks Spanish. (Don't let anyone know highway signs in Vermont sometimes show kilometers! Quebec's influence has run amok!)

When initially asked about it, Casa Blanca spokesperson Sean Spicer said the website was in flux. "We are continuing to build out the website," Spicer said. "We've got the IT folks working overtime on that now." Naturally, a complete removal of Spanish makes sense. Those verbs are so complex!

A few days later, la  Casa Blanca claimed they were going to bring back a translation eventually. "We're just building up," said Helen Aguirre Ferre, director of media affairs, while still emphasizing the need to build an established website over two decades old. "It's just day two on the job," she said earlier in the week.

Now, as of day nine on the job, nothing still has changed.

Spanish is still banished at la Casa Blanca.



Thursday, January 26, 2017

Everything old is new again: George Orwell and John Steinbeck are hot commodities.



In the past few weeks, George Orwell's dystopian novel 1984 has been steadily climbing the bestseller lists, most notably at Amazon, where as of January 26, 2016, it's the bestselling book overall. Not James Patterson, Jodi Piccoult, Stephen King, an Oprah book club selection, Harry Potter novella, or a Twilight spinoff.

No.

George Orwell.





Largely, this is due to a new political climate that is--how shall we say this in a nuanced fashion?--surreal compared to the previous 240-years of American history.

As The Atlantic points out, though, Orwell isn't the only one finding a revival. Sinclair Lewis's 1935 novel It Can’t Happen Here has risen to #26 on Amazon, while John Steinbeck's 1961 tome The Winter of Our Discontent has seen an abnormal uptick as well.

Then there's political theorist Hannah Arendt’s The Origins of Totalitarianism, which was published in 1951. While not usually nearly as well known as 1984 or The Winter of Our Discontent, Arendt's book examines the rise of fascist governments in Europe over the previous two centuries. Clearly, if there's anything Americans love doing, it's kicking back with a expansive examinations of political philosophies.

In the end, the misery of the past two years of political campaigning--the yelling, the finger-pointing, the glad-handing, the falsehoods--has had one bright spot: Americans are reading, and they're rediscovering what was once forgotten--in many ways.



Friday, January 20, 2017

There was no poem read at today's presidential inauguration.



John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama have all had poets read at their inaugural ceremonies, showcasing the likes of Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, and Richard Blanco.

Indeed, poets have only appeared in modern times at Democrat inaugurations, without a single Republican presidential request occurring in that period. No Nixon, no Reagan, and neither Bush, too.

The Atlantic makes note of this political disparity, and how Donald Trump continued the tradition of eschewing a poet at a Republican inauguration today. Why? Probably because he intends to kill funding for the National Endowment for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Humanities. That has a way of putting a sour taste in most poets' mouths.

So, let's travel back to when poets were welcome at inaugurations.

First is an 86-year old Robert Frost at John F. Kennedy's 1961 ceremony.

Frost was to read 'Dedication,' an original poem he wrote for the festivities. The elderly poet struggled in the bright January sunshine to read the newly written words, though. The typewriter at the hotel he was staying at in Washington, DC, ran out of ink the night before, and the words were faded on the page. Richard Nixon, of all people, is the gentleman who arrives with a top hat to try and aid Frost:





After a few starts and stops, Frost recited his old classic 'The Gift Outright' from memory instead.

Footage of that moment from the inauguration is nonexistent, though, lost to time and the memory of those in attendance. As a result, here's Frost reciting the same poem years earlier:





Fast forward over thirty years, and we come to the 1993 inauguration of Bill Clinton, who asked Maya Angelou to read one of her poems. She chose 'On the Pulse of Morning'--which she told the Los Angeles Times had meaning for such an event.

"I suggest that we should herald the differences, because the differences make us interesting, and also enrich and make us stronger. The differences are minuscule compared to the similarities. That's what I mean to say,"





Presidents will come and go.

But poems will always remain.



Keep it pithy: George Washington kept it to the point the second go-around.





In 1841, William Henry Harrison gave an 8,445 word inaugural address. clocking in at one hour and forty-five minutes.

Harrison died a month later of pneumonia and is barely remembered as a president of the United States.

Lesson: Keep it pithy.

In 1793, George Washington's second inaugural address was 135 words, the shortest ever. It takes approximately two minutes to recite or read.

Monuments, states, and the nation's capital are named for him. Washington appears on currency and Mount Rushmore as well.

Lesson: Keep it pithy.

Is there a correlation between the length of inauguration speeches and worthiness as president?

The facts speak for themselves.

As it is inauguration day, here is the speech Washington wrote for his second inauguration, in a time when presidents prepared and wrote their thoughts.


Fellow Citizens:

I am again called upon by the voice of my country to execute the functions of its Chief Magistrate. When the occasion proper for it shall arrive, I shall endeavor to express the high sense I entertain of this distinguished honor, and of the confidence which has been reposed in me by the people of united America.

Previous to the execution of any official act of the President the Constitution requires an oath of office. This oath I am now about to take, and in your presence: That if it shall be found during my administration of the Government I have in any instance violated willingly or knowingly the injunctions thereof, I may (besides incurring constitutional punishment) be subject to the upbraidings of all who are now witnesses of the present solemn ceremony.




Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Potential Future Education Secretary: Schools might need guns to protect themselves from grizzlies.


Don't try that polite waving bear shtick, pal.

Bears. They're the real enemy.

Betsy DeVos is Donald Trump's nominee to lead the Department of Education. Like all nominees, she needs to go through typical senate confirmation hearings where she's asked her views on a number of topics.

Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy--who represents a state that saw one of the deadliest school shootings in American history (Sandy Hook Elementary)--asked DeVos if guns have "any place in and around schools."

DeVos replied she thought the matter should be decided by individual states, specifically referencing an earlier question by another senator:

"I will refer back to Sen. Enzi and the school he is talking about in Wyoming. I think probably there, I would imagine there is probably a gun in a school to protect from potential grizzlies," DeVos replied.


Oh, sure, you're soooo polite.

The killer rampages of grizzly bears at America's schools needs to be stopped! Sure, no grizzly has ever killed an American student, but you can never be too sure when their reign of terror might commence.

But why stop at bears? If we're going to have American schools strapped to the teeth to kill anything dangerous, what's the deadliest living thing out there picking humanity off one-by-one--not including humans themselves?

Top Ten Animal Killers of Humans:
10.  Hippopotamus
9.  Crocodiles
8.  Tapeworms
7.  Ascaris Round Worms
6.  Freshwater Snails
5.  Assassin Bugs
4.  Tsetse Flies
3.  Dogs
2.  Snakes
1.  Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes kill 725,000 humans a year worldwide through disease. How America isn't raining the summer sky with bullets trying to take out mosquitoes is beyond me. Think of the children!


Nice try, slick!

Dogs? They kill 25,000 people a year around the world. That little ball of fluff dozing next you on the couch right now? He has murder in his heart. Better holster a couple of Glocks in case he ever turns on you. I'm sure Betsy DeVos approves!


Jazz hands is trying too hard, bub!

Even jellyfish, horses and cows kill more humans every year than all bears combined, never mind just the grizzly bear. That's right--an elementary school visit to a farm to watch cows being milked has the potential to turn into a blood bath at any second.

On average, twenty-two people in the United States are killed by cows every year. Hell, the Wisconsin dairy industry is just cow carnage! Get the kids in Milwaukee a six-shooter and extra ammo, stat!

Today a wave, tomorrow a knife in your back.

Sure, sure--you're reading this being rational and thinking,"Arming schools might be overdoing it to kill a mosquito...or a bear."

And I say to you:

Since when did you start hating America's children?