J.K. Rowling enjoys trumping Trump through Twitter.

While Donald Trump loves himself a good Twitter rant (he tweeted eleven musings throughout the day today), apparently J.K. Rowling doesn't love those rants quite as much.

In July Trump posted a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Why Emerson, I don't know. Maybe it was on his quote-a-day calendar sitting on the Oval Office desk:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2012

Tiny matters of the future?! Clearly, Trump is unaware of the potential butter shortage chaos that awaits us all. Nonetheless, Rowling threw a barb at Trump, albeit a month late:

And here you are, lying right in front of us. https://t.co/mOVomAfPpP

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) August 9, 2017

((((rim shot))))

Although sometimes what lies within us is a Taco Bell Spicy Double Chalupa. Emerson really didn't think this one through.

Various celebs "audition" to play teen Dumbledore on 'Conan'

Comic Con was held this past weekend, an event where everything sci-fi, fantasy, comic book, and nerdgasm related converged for four days. It brings together movie studios, celebrities, and thousands of sexually and socially awkward fans to celebrate trailers of upcoming movies and television shows.

Conan O'Brien knows his demographics are largely centered around 20-something year old men high on Cheetos dust who can recite the entire history of Chewbacca, Spock, or Harry Potter's life--which explains why he brought his show on remote to Comic Con.

With J.K. Rowling currently writing the script to the sequel to the Harry Potter-ish Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them--which will feature a young Dumbledore--Conan had some celebrities try out for the role:

Once-banned literature used to create imitation Parthenon where books were once burned.

Argentinian artist Marta Minujin used over a 170 different banned book titles to create a full-sized recreation of the Greek Parthenon at the site where Nazi Germany once burned books.

Using over 100,000 copies of those banned books--along with plastic and some steel--Minujin built the art installation in the city of Kassel, where the Nazis burned 2,000 books as part of their "Campaign Against the un-German Spirit" in 1933. At the time, mainly books by Jewish authors and individuals against fascism were lit ablaze.

Marta Minujin is clearly more productive than you or I am.

According to Metro UK, Minujin asked students at the Kassel University to comb over books to find titles that have been banned all-time. The students brought forth works that included the likes of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses, Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner, J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter collection, and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain.

This Parthenon stuff is old hat for Minujin, though. She created a similar banned book Parthenon structure in 1983 in her native Argentina after the military dictatorship fell.



photo: EPA/Filip Singer
photo: Boris Roessler/AFP/Getty

J.K. Rowling shares some rejection letters--after she already was published.

Harry Potter author J,K, Rowling released on Twitter two rejection letters she received from publishing houses--after she had already created the world of Hogwart's and wizardry.

The only catch? She wrote under a pseudonym: Robert Galbraith.

The novel was Rowling's second adult book, The Cuckoo's Calling, which was released in 2013 under the fake name. The letters being made public were in response to a fan's Twitter question if there were any rejection letters Rowling would like to share regarding Harry Potter. Rowling claimed those were in a box in the attic (sure, right), but she had others--the Robert Galbraith letters.

One publishing house, Constable & Robinson, wrote Rowling at the time that the business "could not publish [Cuckoo's Calling] with commercial success." As if being rejected wasn't bad enough, Constable & Robinson tell 'Galbraith' that maybe "a writers' group or writing course may help" with feedback. That's right. Go back to school for a course. That's the equivalent of an intellectual backhand, full of knuckles and dismissiveness.

"I wasn't going to give up until every single publisher turned me down, but I often feared that would happen," Rowling explained.

The joke was on Constable & Robinson and other varying publishing houses, as the book was eventually accepted by Sphere, an imprint of Little, Brown, & Company. Once the world knew it was Rowling and not Galbraith writing the book, it went from the 4,709th bestselling book on Amazon to number one, as well as spawned two sequels.

As for Constable & Robinson, the reason they aren't a super commercial success and J.K. Rowling is is because Constable & Robinson is run by...Constable & Robinson.

Maybe there's a publishing course they can take that might help.

J.K. Rowling revealed the new schools of wizardry in the Harry Potter universe.

An American, Brazilian, Japanese, and African school of wizardry were revealed this weekend at the Celebration of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando Resort.

The American school is apparently called Ilvermorny, which channels a subtle vibe of Vermont. This makes sense because everyone knows Vermont is really a wonderful world of make-believe, where pickup driving men in camo live side-by-side with granola-eating, skiing yuppies.

Ilvermorny will be the centerpiece of the upcoming film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which I assume is a reference to neighboring Quebec. Anything speaking French is fantastic, even if it is a make-believe language of grunty, lusty laughs and nasally scoffs.



photo: J.K. Rowling/Pottermore

J.K Rowling is expanding the Harry Potter universe again, albeit it on a tiny level.

Nothing much is going on with J.K. Rowling these days, which explains why the Harry Potter website she created, Pottermore, seems to find new additions to the book franchise's universe fairly frequently, and in the most curious of ways.

Case in point, Rowling as written a 500-word history on the obscure character Celestina Warbeck, who's name appeared three times through the collected works, but wasn't integral to the plot. Indeed, Warbeck's only contribution was to be a pop star of sorts, referenced in the novels the way Justin Bieber or Madonna might.

And just like with Justin Bieber, questioning "Why...dear God, why..." is a natural reaction to all of this.




Not for nothing, TIME Magazine tells us to meet the "new Harry Potter character." Because apparently appearing three times--albeit briefly--in three books doesn't qualify one as already existing.

J.K. Rowling admits that Harry Potter really should have married Hermione.

"I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment," Rowling tells The Sunday Times of London. "That’s how it was conceived, really. For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it, Hermione ended up with Ron."

Wish fulfillment? Worst genie from a magic lamp ever.

Famous Writers Shirtless: J.K. Rowling

A fleeting internet meme happened of writers in underpants--but it passed too quickly to be truly appreciated.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today: J.K. Rowling

Boogie boarding: The sporting activity for floating enthusiasts.

It's never a good sign for a man when women in the ocean flee your presence.

As for Rowling, she pulls off the sensible black onesie while channeling all that is great about the Estonian national swim team.

Thousands line up for J.K. Rowling's lone U.S. appearance to support latest book.

About 2,000 people gathered for J.K. Rowling's lone U.S. appearance in support of her latest book, The Casual Vacancy. Held at Lincoln Center in New York City, everyone received a copy of the book with their ticket, and Rowling signed each copy.

According to NPR, the funniest moment of the night belonged to Rowling when asked what the difference was between her book and Fifty Shades of Grey. People have sex in her book, Rowling told the audience, but no one actually enjoys it.

So there you have it. The Casual Vacancy is a book about your sex life.




photo: AP

J.K. Rowling: "The thing about fantasy--there are certain things you just don't do in fantasy. You don't have sex near unicorns. It's an ironclad rule. It's tacky."

Was this happening a lot with fantasy novels? Were unicorns peeping in on lusty action between people? Because I might read more fantasy novels if this happened, tacky or not.

The New Yorker's profile of J.K. Rowling subtly suggests her new book isn't for your kindergartner.

The New Yorker's latest issue has a ten page profile on everything J.K Rowling, which would be amazingly interesting if J.K Rowling were amazingly interesting. She's not, so feel free to skip most of the profile.

But The New Yorker does publish a few tiny snippets of of Rowling's newest novel, the fairly adult The Casual Vacancy. There isn't a bevy of plot details to go around, but it's decidedly un-Harry Potter-esque, with passages like...

"...that miraculously unguarded vagina..."

"The leathery skin of her upper cleavage radiated little cracks that no longer vanished when decompressed."

"...with an ache in his heart and in his balls."

Somehow or another, I keep picturing Dumbledore involved in all of these quotes.




photo: The Guardian

The World's 10 Most Expensive Books.

Alongside a book by Ptolemy, a first folio of Shakespeare, a first edition of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, a Gutenburg Bible, and Leonard da Vinci's Codex Leicester, somehow there's a book by JK Rowling on the list.

Yeah. Okay.

Harry Potter is morphing into Farmville.

Pottermore is J.K. Rowling's new website that deals with everything Harry Potter. But if you dressed up as a wizard in the middle of summer to watch the final movie--don't get too excited. Pottermore.com is still in beta stage. To non-geeks, beta is generally a fancy way of saying "We're seeing if this website works by trickling people in very slowly." Picture Facebook before your mom joined.

So what will Pottermore be once you can join? It's supposed to be a free experience of becoming a student at Hogwarts, without all the silly socialization and human interaction you might expect by walking away from your computer and attending a school.

Thank God. Ever since I had to read 16,000 pages per book to end the series, I haven't had any friends.