Two incoming freshman at Texas State University just spent twenty hours remodeling their new dorm room.

Okay, okay--let's be clear--no relatively sane freshman has the time or money to invest in a dorm room to this level. A couple of plastic tubs for storage and a feather duster is about as high-end as most dorms get.

But incoming Texas State University freshmen Skylar Bantz and Adeline Vela have a lot of time on their hands and come from delightfully obsessive families, the type that make holiday gatherings so enjoyably uncomfortable and the inspiration for Hollywood scriptwriters everywhere.

Bantz and Vela met through an online chat group before becoming roommates, and they spent the summer texting plans for how they wanted their dorm to look. Bantz's mother proudly posted pictures on Facebook and let the world know seven people and twenty hours worth of work went into the transformation. The price tag? $2,400.






It turns out that the Bantz family is a beauty pageant family, which explains 75% of how this remotely came about.

The other 25%? It's Texas.




We all admit that in two weeks' time this dorm room will look like a volcano of clothes erupted all over the floor, right?

California's university system is doing away with math and English placement exams for incoming freshman.

But is it for honorable reasons, or just to maintain having bodies in school?

According to the Los Angeles Times, every year 25,000 incoming freshman to the California university system take a remedial math or English class. These courses are required after a placement exam suggested the student wasn't prepared enough in high school and isn't ready for a college-level workload. As one might imagine, this means 25,000 students aren't thrilled.

In a turn of events, Cal State's chancellor, Timothy P. White, issued an executive order to the 23 campus presidents that from now on incoming students should be judged on high school grades, SAT and ACT scores, and "previous classroom performance." After all, vague "performance" clauses are always a highlight of any directive.

The motivation--says White, campus presidents, and various officials--is that currently only 19% of students graduate from one of their colleges within four years. Likewise, many students required to take a remedial class (which costs tuition and fees, even if it doesn't count) tend to drop out of school altogether, as they feel alienated from the rest of the college environment. If that sounds dire all-around, it is.

Officials say one motivation behind eliminating placement exams is they want to lessen the financial burden on students for taking a remedial class. Sounds noble! Strangely, though, these same officials ignore the financial tsunami these students take on if they finish a degree. It doesn't take an economist to suggest four years of tuition costs more than one remedial class. Sounds not-so-noble!

Colleges and universities are the non-profit equivalents of Fortune 500 companies wearing humble rags for clothing. If the vast majority of 25,000 students drop out of school because of alienation and annoyance, that's a loss of revenue. But making the road a little easier so the students remain for four years? A consistent revenue stream is born.

Honorable or not, someone loses regardless.

How badly do you want to go to college? If you were accepted to UC Irvine, hopefully not too much.

Every year most colleges and universities accept hundreds--if not thousands--of extra students for their incoming freshman class. They do this because high school students usually are accepted to a variety of institutions, with many choosing to attend elsewhere.

UC Irvine had a bit of a snag with this approach, though, except they won't admit it. Recently, the university sent out notices to 499 accepted incoming students that their offer of admittance was rescinded. Why? According to the Los Angeles Times, the school claims it was for lacking duplicate transcripts or poor grades during the student's senior year of high school.

Ashley Gonzalez, one of the 499 affected students, was told her transcripts were never sent. The same story occurred to Emily Roche, another rejected student. Roche's high school's registrar verified they sent the transcripts on June 20th and blames UC Irvine for over-admitting students. As the Times goes on to explain:

"Overall, about 7,100 of the 31,103 freshmen offered admission to UC Irvine for this fall accepted it as of May, according to the UC Office of the President. That amounts to 850 more students than UC Irvine’s planned freshman class of 6,250, though some are expected to decide to enroll elsewhere this fall in what is known as “summer melt.” Still, in the last two years, the summer drop-off has been only about 250 students."

There's the rub. UC Irvine seems to be making things up as they go because they have nowhere to put the extra students. If 250 students typically "drop-off" in the summer and UC Irvine magically rescinds the offer to nearly 500 extra students, we get awfully close to the desired 6,250 number.

Meanwhile, these students can no longer apply to other schools, considering the late date. Lest you think this is overblown, UCLA rescinded their admittance offers to seven incoming freshman, while UC San Diego rescinded nine.

In essence, UC Irvine is guilty of the same practice as United Airlines was with overbooking flights. The only difference is the school hasn't bloodied their students and dragged them.

Not yet, at least.

Ryan Seacrest is an American hero.

It's college commencement season, which means it's that delightful time of year when everyone baking in the midday sun catches heatstroke while desperately trying not to nod off during a lengthy speech about changing the world, living your dreams, yada, yada, yada. Commencement speeches are a lot like those "inspirational" quotes your annoying friend on Facebook posts, only fifteen minutes longer:

This should inspire you to try and use a comma better.

Some colleges and universities actually pay for their commencement speakers though. The idea of an honorary degree from, say, a Columbia or Yale is enough to lure most anyone to speak for free. Lesser known universities, especially state universities, can't woo big names though, not unless the wooing comes with a briefcase of cash.

Take, for instance, the University of Houston, which paid retired astronaut hero Scott Kelly $35,000 this year to speak at their commencement, according to the Associated Press. This was practically fun money for the school, which spent $166,000 last year on Matthew McConaughey to speak, plus an extra $9,500 for his airfare. To be fair, McConaughey donated the speaking fee, but the airfare cost wasn't, and the school still ponied up the fee regardless if it went to charity.

Likewise, Kean University in New Jersey reportedly spent $40,000 on its 2016 commencement speaker, Brandon Stanton. If you know who Brandon Stanton is, odds are you're his grandmother--and that's just adorable. (Hey, Grandma!) For the rest of America, Brandon Stanton is the founder of HONY--the website/social media creation better known as Humans of New York. Kean University also spent an additional $40,000 on having its own retired astronaut speak, too. Mark Kelly, the twin brother of Scott Kelly, was Kean's second speaker--proving once and for all that being the second fiddle sibling doesn't mean you get the second fiddle speaking fee.

"Our students worked very hard, and they deserve it," said Margaret McCorry, a spokeswoman for Kean University, to the Associated Press. "It makes their commencement just that much more memorable." Imagine how memorable it might be if you actually knew who the person was beforehand!

The University of Texas at Austin paid $3,300 for its alumnus, Darren Walker, to come back last year to speak. Walker is the president of the second largest philanthropic organization in America, The Ford Foundation. The $3,300 was spent on Walker's two night stay at the Four Seasons Hotel, which covered a $450 spa tab. Philanthropy apparently starts at home.

The University of Georgia paid $22,000 to charter a private plane for ABC news anchor Amy Robach to come on down. This is reasonable when you consider only 216,000 people fly in and out of Atlanta every day at the world's busiest airport, so it's not as if she could have found a Delta or United flight connecting there.

All of this brings us to Ryan Seacrest. The most ubiquitous human being in America is apparently also the most sensible about commencement matters. This past week he returned to his alma mater, the University of Georgia, free of charge to speak at their graduation.

Whereas Toni Morrison once charged Rutgers University $30,000 for her to scowl for twenty minutes, Ryan Bleepin' Seacrest flashed his polished Chiclets for free--and was probably more memorable to a bunch of twenty-somethings in the audience than Toni Morrison will ever be.

But imagine how much Ryan Seacrest could charge if he was a semi-famous retired astronaut.

University of New Hampshire bought a $17,570 table with LED lights--because lights!

"It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again."

That's what University of New Hampshire Media Relations Director Erica Mantz told the Union Leader newspaper after it came to light (hey-oh!) that the school bought a custom-made dining hall table that comes equipped with LED functionality. The cost? $17,570.

The table, which can seat sixteen people, has a top that can light up and change colors, presumably pleasing both preschoolers and EDM enthusiasts alike. Dining hall operations director Jon Plodzik told the newspaper that it can also be used for culinary demonstrations. Like demonstrating how food looks while bathed in ambient blue tones. Plodzik added the cost included "delivery from the workshop in Chicago, which we considered reasonable for a custom piece of furniture made exclusively for UNH." You don't see just any second rate state school with high tech dining hall tables, people!

Junior chemistry major Maddie Dombrowski told the Union Leader the table was special.

"I ate at it once. It lit up. I ate my food and I left," Dombrowski told the paper.

Sounds like a magical meal she'll never forget.

Maine governor walks off stage mid-speech after students hold up sign criticizing him.

Come check out the comedic
stylings of Gov. LePage!

From the Thin Skin Department comes the state of Maine's governor, Paul LePage. Let's welcome him to the stage! Come up here, Gov. LePage!!

[[[crickets]]]
[[[no governor]]]

Gov. LePage! Welcome to the stage! Let's hear it!

[[[yawns]]]
[[[no governor]]]

Governor?






The sad part is that this was generally the case the other day as governor and all-around wannabe rejected comedian, Paul LePage, stormed off the stage at the dedication of the Theodora J. Kalikow Education Center and called two students "idiots" after the duo held signs up that said "LePage: Maine’s Shame." That's about as hot a take as you'll get in Maine, where the protests are as scorching as the weather.

Why were the students unhappy? Maybe because any time Gov. LePage gets in front of a microphone he has something offensive to say. Take this past weekend, when he decided to randomly alert people that he thinks speaking with Indians requires an interpreter and Bulgarians are hard to understand.

"It's hard to hear what they're saying," LePage said over the weekend. "Have you ever tried to say, 'What's the special today?' to somebody from Bulgaria?"

Rim-shot!! Try the veal!

Maybe the students were Bulgarian though? They might have just been answering what the special was.

University of New Mexico students aren't too thrilled with their school's seal.

Davy and Ponce imitators hanging out.

Sad news for Ponce de León and Davy Crockett fans.

The University of New Mexico's school seal is being questioned by students for the awkward combination of a conquistador and frontiersman as representatives of the college. You know, the whole colonizer/killer/conqueror vibe sort of lost its luster a hundred years or so ago.

The startling angle to this whole issue is that all sides are approaching the conversation like, well, a conversation. No finger-pointing, no yelling, no arguing--just civil debate.

"This is a university," said Jozi de Leon, the university's vice president for equity and inclusion and no relation to Ponce. "This is the place where we should be having this kind of dialogue. We should be open to listening to the concerns of the students."

Okay, so de Leon is being all upstanding about it. But what does the president of the school have to say? He earned two degrees through the college after all, so it must be time to drop the hammer.

"It's a seal I have always known," President Bob Frank said. Cue the sledgehammer.

"I certainly understand that people may have different points of view," Frank continued. "If they want to talk about it, I am open to the conversation."

Wait-wait-wait a minute, this is not how American discourse works. Where is the verbal Molotov cocktail? The irrational vitriol toward one another? The Wolf Blitzer special report about America crumbling?

This sort of civility you expect from a knitting circle, preschool playdates, or Canada. Especially Canada, where they adorn everything with maple foliage, not conquerors.

Is New Mexico really New Canada?

This is what I'm suggesting.

Applying to college? Are you an "L-B-B" or maybe an "R-J"?

It's that time of year when colleges and universities are beginning to comb through applications for the coming fall semester.

Combing is a bit more precise than it is in reality. So how do schools really decide whom to accept and whom to reject?

Well, according to NPR, there's no universal rhyme or reason. NPR sat in at a small conference room at the College of Holy Cross (where all the students rejected from Boston College end up) while an admissions team of three looked over a small sampling of 23 applicants already narrowed down from a larger pool. This admissions team gave each student's application roughly two minutes before making a decision.

And how does Holy Cross motor through those 23 applicants? With acronyms. Per NPR:


They'll spend about two minutes on each before deciding whether to accept or deny admission, or place the application on hold.

To speed things along, the committee uses a lot of jargon, like "L-B-B" for late blooming boy, and "R-J" for rejection.

If it sounds like they're cutting corners, know that before the committee meets around the table, each application gets a close look from two of the members.


Yes, because "rejection" with 3 syllables is so much wordier than "R-J" and its 2 syllables.

Of course, there's no specifics about how close a "close look" actually might be. That's part of the mystery of it all. A close look could be three minutes! That's 50% longer than the two minute examination!

Remember that years from now when your former college is looking for a donation.

It's always good to be reminded that Lake Superior State University also burns snowmen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah--everyone pays attention to Lake Superior State University once a year to see which words and phrases they want to ban from the English language.

But when they're not busy banning words, the Negative Nancy of the North also enjoys burning a snowman (alive?) at the end of every winter.

Look at this charming photo from 2014's wannabe Joan of Arc moment:

Even the guy down front can't witness the carnage.

In fact, here's a 45-second nugget from the same event. The laughter, the happiness, the joy as Frosty is torched. Notice how the mob starts burning him right where his heart is. Some morbid poet should run with this idea and write a sonnet on snowman violence.

Lake Superior State University's annual list of banned words includes...

There's no need to have a presser about this. So, let's have a conversation.

We all know those words and phrases that gain popularity, become an online sensation, and nearly break the internet with their use. It's as if these little vocal tics have a sort of magical secret sauce that makes us all say them. But when they become overly popular it can become problematic. Sometimes, just sometimes, we need to reevaluate the way we talk, look at these words and phrases, and walk it back a bit.

I don't want to hear you say, "Using these words is giving me life!" That just sounds desperate. You might as well relax, vape, have a drink, do a little manspreading on the couch, and relax.

You're part of the human race as well. You're a stakeholder in how we all talk. Everything you say has worth, a price point, so make it sound valuable. Make your words pop and punch people in the mouth, a sort of verbal physicality that takes people back.

And when all else fails, don't use the thirteen words and phrases in bold.

German organization offers free college education to those seeking asylum in the country.

Kashif Kazmi, a 21-year old Shiite Muslim from Pakistan, fled his homeland in May to seek a better life somewhere in Europe. After traveling through nine countries, he ended up in Germany, seeking asylum and protection from Taliban-controlled regions that put the minority Shiites in danger. Kazmi's sisters and father still remain back home. "And I'm so homesick," he tells NPR.

In order to find a way to bring the rest of his family to Germany, Kazmi needs to pursue higher learning--and an opportunity might have arisen for just that

Kiron University is a Berlin-based online program aimed to refugees. As NPR notes:

"Kiron University students take courses online for the first two years, working toward a bachelor's degree while they apply for asylum and acquire the paperwork and qualifications needed to enter a partner university, local to where they are, to complete the degree."

Because he is not a German citizen, nor does he have that above-mentioned required paperwork as an asylum-seeker to act as a foreign student studying in the nation, Kazmi is denied to attend local universities. Yet, with Kiron University, that changes the equation.

As Markus Kressler, co-founder of Kiron, notes, upwards of 50% of third year students leave their schooling, opening up seats which random universities want filled. And who has their asylum papers filed usually after two years? Refugees, who should have two years of online classes under their belt as well. It all makes sense, assuming Kiron can attain the funding to supply scholarships for these students--which is what Kressler is working on.

In the meantime, Kazmi is all set and will be amongst the first to try the Kiron Program.

As he told NPR, ""Today I am a refugee, but tomorrow, I hope so, I will be in the position to be able to support others."

A new college ranking says your best bet is to go to...CUNY Bernard M. Baruch College?

A ranking of 900 colleges and universities by a company called CollegeNet focused not on prestige, but on how much bang for your buck you get for attending the institution. Specifically, how well do various places of higher learning provide improvement on economic mobility and how affordable are these schools to families of disadvantaged financial means?

The top ten schools according to CollegeNet are nothing remotely close to those found in the Princeton Review or U.S. News and World Report's annual listings.

CollegeNet's ten are (with U.S. News and World Report's ranking as comparison):

And where do U.S. News and World Report's top five colleges and universities rank on CollegeNet's social mobility index?

I think we all kind of knew on some level that what's-its-face school...hold on, let me look it up again...uhh...CUNY Bernard M. Baruch College was where we all dreamed to go.


Ranking Graphs: CollegeNet, U.S. News, via Yahoo

BREAKING NEWS: UConn student who wanted his "(expletive) bacon-jalapeno mac and cheese" has been expelled.

Luke Gatti, the very passionate mac and cheese lover who was arrested after causing a hubbub at UConn's food court, has reportedly been expelled from the school.

Here was his mugshot after the arrest:

Aww, he's so young, he could still stand to use some Proactiv! But it appears that our baby-faced lush is going to have to find his beloved bacon-jalapeno delight somewhere else next year.

Let's remember our cheesy pasta lover one last time:

UConn student REALLY wants his mac and cheese

UConn freshman student, Luke Gatti, had a bad night earlier this week.

Gatti went to the school's food court on the prowl for some mac and cheese. Sure, he was allegedly carrying an open container of beer with him at the time. Small detail. Maybe he was parched. Regardless, the food court manager told (the probably intoxicated) Gatti that he wasn't allowed to have the beer and refused him service.

This didn't sit well with Gatti, who questioned why in America he can't have a beer in the building. If you listen closely, you can almost hear 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic' swell up behind him--and the theatrics really go into overdrive.

Gatti drops gay slurs again and again, and repeatedly has one demand: "Just give me some (expletive) bacon-jalapeno mac and cheese."

Not just any mac and cheese, mind you. He wants the bacon-jalapeno mac and cheese--which either sounds fantastically delicious or an abomination and crime against humanity.

The video above goes for roughly 6:15 with verbal jousting before Gatti decides to up the action by shoving the food court manager.

Gatti apparently never watched much WWE action growing up and didn't realize he could be tag-teamed, because another food court employee comes up from behind and performs an expertly applied full nelson, dropping Gatti to the ground and pinning him until police arrive.

Just before the video ends, Gatti offers one last pleasantry--spitting at the food court manager as he's led out to a waiting police car.

The lesson here?

UConn must make an amazing mac and cheese.




According to court documents, Gatti was enrolled at UMass last year and arrested twice on disorderly conduct charges. I assume UMass must have some fantastic culinary options in their food court as well.

Oh, and let's not forget that UConn is selling roasted crickets from their food truck. The real question here? Do they serve a cricket mac and cheese?

College sells crickets as a light snack.

UConn's 'Food for Thought' food truck has decided to start selling a new high protein, yet low fat snack.

Roasted crickets.

Sold in small plastic containers for 99 cents, The Daily Campus newspaper reports that only two to three such containers are sold each day, as the squeamish factor hasn't entirely subsided yet.

UConn sources their crickets from Next Millennium Farms, which has an estimated 30 million crickets on hand at any given time. According to the newspaper, the farm carefully removes any dead or unhealthy* crickets before killing the rest and quickly roasting them.

In addition to being sold in containers, the crickets can be added as a topping to tacos sold from the food truck as well--which is probably more edible than anything coming from Taco Bell.

The school newspaper interviewed some folks who tried free samples of the crickets. Paula Wilmot, assistant director of the Honors Program and Learning Communities, became a fan.

“It reminds me of a veggie puff,” Wilmot said.

And that, my friends, is the first time in history a cricket has ever been likened to a veggie puff.



*How, exactly, in a sea of 30 million crickets do you distinguish which cricket is unhealthy? Dead I understand. It probably looks obvious that the poor little bugger (heh-heh) went to the great big garden in the sky. But unhealthy? Does the cricket have a cough? Is its chirp sounding a little wheezy? Does it get an MRI? How do we know?

The 610 smartest colleges and universities in America, according to Business Insider

Only 610?

Well, that narrows it down.

Study suggests that economic divide is growing rapidly between America's richest and poorest.

The Alliance for Higher Education and Democracy released a study that suggests the gap between America's richest and poorest is playing out most rapidly in higher education statistics.

In the last 40 years, the percentage of America's poorest students (those making $34,160 a year or less) who've attained a bachelor's degree by the age of 24 rose only from 6% to 9% of that entire economic class. Meanwhile, in the same time span, America's wealthiest students have now graduated by 24 at much greater rates--increasing from 44% to 77%.

The more money your family makes, the more reliably you tend to graduate college. 99% of students from America's absolutely wealthiest families (those making $108,650 or more) graduate by the age of 24.

Why the disparity? Experts can't pinpoint the reason, but one glaring fact stands out.

The average cost to attend college in 2012 is more than two times what it was in 1975--when the federal Pell Grant student assistance program was created. Back in 1975, Pell Grants covered 67% of college costs. By 2012, Pell only covered 27%. Higher costs, less assistance.

Likewise, says David Zimmerman, an economics professor at Williams College in Massachusetts, there's a gross lack of low-income students at America's most premier colleges and universities.

So that American dream you always hear about? It's still really just a dream.

Urban Outfitters claims red, mottled, "vintage" looking Kent State sweatshirt wasn't about people being gunned down.

In case you weren't born yet, have long-term memory loss, or are really horrible with American history, Kent State University has a past. And not a good past.

On May 4, 1970, Kent State students held a protest over President Richard Nixon's announcement of the Cambodian Campaign of the Vietnam War. Because of previous protests, National Guard troops were called in to monitor. By the day's end though, thirteen students would be shot by those same troops. Nine were injured, four were dead.

The events led to the famous song 'Ohio' by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young:



This leads us to 2014, where overpriced clothier and housewares chain Urban Outfitters decided to sell a $129 'vintage' sweatshirt of Kent State, complete with a red spray pattern that looks strikingly like blood.

But we're all mistaken, Urban Outfitters insists. As they said in a press release:

“Urban Outfitters sincerely apologizes for any offense our Vintage Kent State Sweatshirt may have caused. It was never our intention to allude to the tragic events that took place at Kent State in 1970 and we are extremely saddened that this item was perceived as such… There is no blood on this shirt nor has this item been altered in any way. The red stains are discoloration from the original shade of the shirt and the holes are from natural wear and fray.”

Oh, okay then. It's not a horrible shirt making a buck off dead protesters. It's just a horrible shirt with blood-colored discolorations, holes, and fray.

Let me grab my wallet then.

The list about America's most and least literate cities has little to do with actual literacy rates.

Central Connecticut State University has come out with their annual list of most and least literate American cities, a collection of urban centers ranked according to...uhh...how often they use a Kindle? How often they rent books from a library? How many bookstores they have? Newspaper circulations? College degrees attained?

In essence, the focus is supposed to be on how a city reads, not if the city can actually read. If you're illiterate, yet borrowing books from the library, you're considered literate based on this study.

The lists:

Most:
1.  Washington, D.C.
2.  Seattle, WA
3.  Minneapolis, MN
4.  Atlanta, GA
5.  Pittsburgh, PA
6.  Denver, CO
7.  St. Paul MN
8.  Boston, MA
9.  St. Louis, MO
10.  San Francisco, CA


Least:
1.  Bakersfield, CA
2.  Corpus Christi, TX
3.  Stockton, CA
4.  El Paso, TX
5.  San Antonio, TX
6.  Anaheim, CA
7.  Chula Vista, CA
8.  Fresno, CA
9.  Aurora, CO
10.  Mesa, AZ


Clearly, Alabama needs to step up its game if the rest of America is going to keep mocking it.





Also, California being an illiterate mess? It might be because of state budgetary issues, where state funding has crippled local libraries, shuttering them recently. That hardly makes millions of Californians crippled readers.

Washington Post poll: White Americans don't support paying college athletes. Non-white Americans do.

College sports is an affluent industry, where athletic conferences negotiate multi-million dollar television contracts, and the NCAA (the body overseeing collegiate sports) sees those multi-million dollar contracts--laughs--and negotiates multi-billion dollar television contracts of their own.

Indeed, colleges and universities with football and basketball programs that air on national television reap in millions in alumni donations, clamoring for the attention their schools receive--and the coaches of such programs receive bonuses that pay out hundreds of thousands of dollars for good performance (or millions sometimes). College coaches at state colleges and universities are sometimes the highest paid state employee.

Considering the revenue they generate, there's a movement for college athletes to be paid, which is why the Washington Post polled Americans to see how they feel about that prospect.

The results? Largely based upon racial lines.

According to Deadspin:


The largest split came with race: White respondents opposed paying college athletes by a 73-24 margin, while non-white respondents supported salaries for college athletes, 51-46. (Hispanics also narrowly supported paying college players.)


That racial line in America's cities, towns, politics, and religion?

Yeah, it's in its college sports, too.