Showing posts with label Google. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Google. Show all posts

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Gallup Poll: Americans visit the library more than movies, zoos, and museums combined.




That's not the real story here.

Sure, Gallup breaks it down by income (what?!--poor people visit the library more than rich people?!), gender (what?!--men visit sporting events more than women?!), and age (what?--college-aged people use libraries more than middle-aged folk?!).

Mind = blown.

No, no, no. The real news from all of this polling is that people who have children under 18 are nearly twice as likely to visit a "gambling casino"* than those who don't have children. That's the big takeaway.

Questions arise. Are parents looking to win some sweet, sweet casino cash to send little Bobby or Suzie off to college? Maybe they're burning through their retirement after realizing how their progeny turned out? Are they looking for vacation money so they can escape their child?

Or are they bringing the little ones to the casino itself? It is a wonderful world of sights and sounds after all, and little Bobby and Suzie need to earn their keep. Those slots don't spin themselves, y'know?




*"Gambling casino" is Gallup's phrase, which is a little odd. Are there casinos where gambling doesn't occur? Just casual casinos? Casinos where people mingle and eat finger sandwiches and talk about the weather? Because this is how the great Google machine defines casino:




Or is Gallup gambling on redundancy?


Monday, August 7, 2017

Fashionable Words: Codger






[Sometimes words die out of fashion. But sometimes those words are good words, words with a certain appeal that can't be denied forever. Those words should be brought back into fashion, used frequently and used often. These are those words.]



Word:

codger


Definition:  noun

A typically elderly man who is eccentric or strange in a humorous way.


Origin:

Despite the old man angle, this has nothing to do with anyone named Roger or that delicious fish we all love, cod.


Not a codger cod, but a tasty cod.


The best words are the ones that confuse the experts in a variety of ways. The beauty of a word like codger is that it not only suggests eccentric behavior, but it's so eccentric as a word that dictionaries and etymologists are lost. Nothing like quality synergy, I tell ya!

Google will tell you codger is derogatory, an insult to elderly men said by some misanthropic millennial. Yet, Dictionary.com suggests codger is said with affection, like when you aww-shucks your old uncle Ken (a codger) at his surprise 90th birthday party. The Free Dictionary? It defines codger as both offensive and loving. Indeed, all dictionaries waffle between both extremes when offering a definition. Kindergartners at an ice cream stand are more decisive.


Kind of like the old man in 'Up' was a codger.


What experts agree on is that codger first came into use by the mid-1700s as an evolution of the obsolete word cadger. A cadger was someone who begged or was a peddler, based off the verb to cadge. It suggests a more romantic time for homelessness or being destitute, all while channeling the best of Charles Dickens before Dickens ever got around to making poverty look quaint. Oliver Twist? Totally grew up to be a codger.


Oliver Twist is a codger waitin' to happen!


As for cadge/cadger--etymologists have no idea where it came from. Some suggest the Middle English caggen, meaning "to tie," but how tying something came to mean begging is beyond understanding.

At least we can envision Granddad being eccentric like some pre-Victorian era beggar.


Most obscure UrbanDictionary.com definition of 'codger':
(verbatim)

3.)  Usually following the word "old"; 
a coffin dodger, an old person who moans about their arthritis. They have little hair on their head, but compensate by tufts sprouting from their ears and noses (male) chins and top lips (female). 
They dispise anything that anyone under 30 may do. 
Cant manage to drive more than 30mph, and only drive on Sundays.

Codgers only drive like this in shopping plaza parking lots.


Used in a sentence:

The flaky codger taught the kids in the alley how he used to play dice back in the day.


Why you should use 'codger' in your everyday life:

How often can you offend someone in a pleasant way?


Word Awesomeness Scale (1-to-5):

Two

After all, alluding that Gramps is also a beggar and/or a peddler is a bit low.


Friday, August 4, 2017

For some reason, 4,800 libraries are getting involved in this solar eclipse craze.



Things just took a turn to sexy town.

Your lifelong dream of donning creative sunglasses and looking like a less cool Ray Charles / Bono / Roy Orbison are about to be over.

With the celestial hysteria amping up regarding the impending August 21st solar eclipse, the Space Science Institute, the Gordon and Betty Moore Foundation, and Google are collaborating with 4,800 libraries to hand out over two million free pairs of protective eyewear. I'm sure they'll look like a poor man's Ray-Bans.

That said, this map detailing the 4,800 participating locations shows that some libraries are over a thousand miles away from the narrow peak viewing strip and will hardly have much of an eclipse at all. You're apt to harm your eyes as much by looking at a sunset on a partly cloudy day. Or watching Fox News.



Speaking of bubbling hysteria, CNN is now in a partnership with Volvo to "present" the "Eclipse of The Century." Swedish auto manufacturing is a natural relationship to have with astronomy.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Google has been paying academics to write about Google.




And no one seems to mention this in their research papers.

According to a report in The Wall Street Journal, Google has been willing to pay thousands to various members of the academic community to write papers on the business interests of the company. Google seeks out these researchers sometimes, or vice versa, and proposes the paper, then funds the individual--all while the academic seemingly forgets to mention this hazy ethical middle ground in their finished work. Around 100 papers have developed and been published through this funding.

The Journal caught up with one such professor:


"University of Illinois law professor Paul Heald pitched an idea on copyrights he thought would be useful to Google, and he received $18,830 to fund the work. The paper, published in 2012, didn’t mention his sponsor. "Oh, wow. No, I didn’t. That’s really bad," he said in an interview. "That’s purely oversight." The money didn’t influence his work, Mr. Heald said, and Google issued no conditions: “They said, ‘If you take this $20,000 and open up a doughnut shop with it — we’ll never give you any more money — but that’s fine.'"


"Oh, wow. No, I didn't. That's really bad."

Nah, professor, it's not really bad. Bad implies there could be good as an alternative.

This is just unethical.

This is just shady.



Tuesday, January 3, 2017

People are resolving to read more. Sort of.


At least one of these people wants to read more. (Maybe.)


iQuanti, a data-driven digital marketing company, combed results for the most popular resolutions for 2017 searched for on Google's search engine.

According to the results, the desire to read more was #7 on the list of most popular results. Numbers 1-through-6?

1.)  Get Healthy:  Yes, the nebulous and ambiguous "get healthy." You might believe "get healthy" to be going to the gym five days a week and eating more vegetables, while Steve in Sheboygan, WI, might be steadfast that getting healthy is a six-pack of Miller Lite and a bag of Tostitos for breakfast.

2.)  Get Organized:  It seems all of those hoarding shows on TV have scared the bejeezus out of Americans.

3.)  Live Life to The Fullest:  If you're sitting there thinking, "Yeah, but what does that actually mean on a broad scale?" Good news--you're right! It's really just a wannabe tag line to a self help book on the discount rack at Barnes & Noble.

4.)  Learn New Hobbies:  Time to give into that lifelong desire to learn macramé and papier-mâché, people!

5.)  Spend Less/Save More:  Apparently buying American Girl dolls is not a sound investment strategy.

6.)  Travel:  Going two towns over to visit the new Arby's that just opened seemingly doesn't qualify.

And this bring us to #7 on the list. Of all the things that Americans searched Google for regarding resolutions, the seventh most popular matter was to read more.

There were 4,746,560 searches about reading more. This sounds absolutely fantastic until you learn this was actually down 5.63% from last year's 5,029,790 searches.

Oh. That's sort of a downer.

Well, I guess there goes my resolution to be more positive in 2017.



Sunday, May 29, 2016

Google's AI loves romance novels, post-modernist poetry, and potentially murder.


Whisper sweet nothings to me...

Like many tech organizations, Google is working on artificial intelligence (AI). And like any good science fiction movie, the AI developed so far is cold, calculating, and incapable of showing much human emotion. Kind of like your ex-significant other.

Google wanted to change this. The Brain Team made their AI read 2,865 romance novels in hopes it would develop a more sensible diction to its tone of voice--or at least an appreciation for book covers with bare chested men. Next, the team then gave the AI two short sentences, one beginning, one end, and asked its computer child to complete the story and concept in fewer than thirteen of its own sentences.

What we get is poetry that even Walt Whitman pauses over.

Take this poem:


there is no one else in the world.
there is no one else in sight.
they were the only ones who mattered.
they were the only ones left.
he had to be with me.
she had to be with him.
i had to do this.
i wanted to kill him.
i started to cry.
i turned to him.


It's always a good laugh whenever AI casually writes the sentence "I wanted to kill him." As if every dystopian nightmare just didn't become a little more possible. This is The Matrix without Keanu Reeve's stilted delivery.

Then there's this nugget:


he was silent for a long moment.
he was silent for a moment.
it was quiet for a moment.
it was dark and cold.
there was a pause.
it was my turn.


This is after it read romance books, too! Imagine what vivid little love chestnuts might have come out if the AI read horror stories, war epics, or anything involving Twilight.

Google says they're still in the early stages of creating a natural speech pattern for its AI, although it's doubtful homicidal computers ever need to have casual conversational skills.




...and Louisiana definitely can't spell "definitely."

It was the week of the National Spelling Bee, when every awkward 6-to-14 year old who will be your future boss got on stage and impressed everyone with knowledge of obscure Latin-by-way-of-Middle-French words. This led everyone to question their own personal spelling abilities--and that's where Google came in.

The Great Google Machine dove into its search trends and found the most misspelled word by each state. They used search queries that started with "how to spell" followed by the word troubling people. The results turned out to be a snapshot of each state's psyche.

New Hampshire can't spell "diarrhea," nor can Arizona.

Florida struggles with "tomorrow," potentially because half of its residents might die before then.

South Dakota trips up on "gray," as the cold, desolate misery of living there infects their spelling. Michigan has "gray" concerns as well. But, you know. Michigan.

Minnesota wonders how to spell "broccoli," a mythical vegetable believed by locals to exist in faraway warmer climates.

Texas can't spell "niece," nor Nevada "cousin." Two words tripping up thousands of married couples in each state since the 1850s.

And then there's Massachusetts...which can't spell itself. That's right. The state with the most letters in its name, haphazardly thrown together as if blended in a Cuisinart, is troubling its own citizens to such a degree that people turn to Google for help.

Ohio doesn't have such problems since saying the state's name out loud practically spells itself. But Ohio can't spell "banana," so what do they know?




Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Can you write a story in 70 characters or fewer?




You really need to have ADHD to feel like Twitter is long-winded. Regardless, Matchbook, a literary magazine, is looking for story submissions that max out at 70 characters--half the length of a full tweet.

The inspiration for the stories comes from those tiny three line Google ads that are freakishly customized to your browsing habits usually populating the side of various websites. You know when you're browsing the web some night and you search for airfare to Trinidad, then look for an oatmeal raisin cookie recipe, and then later--magically--see an advertisement for some Trinidadian bakery that sells oatmeal cookies? Like your computer was reading your mind, but in a slightly confused way? Yeah--those Google ads.

Instead of a too-close-for-comfort ad, Matchbook wants a story that reads like an ad. They're very specific about the number of characters per line, too. The title/first line should be no more than 25 characters, while the second and third lines should be no more than 35 characters. In essence, it's as if Google ads had a haiku baby.

In case you're wondering, and I know you are, I just searched for Trinidad and oatmeal raisin cookies, but came across a recipe for Trinidad coconut bread pudding instead. This finally confirms that Trinidad has been a secret bread pudding hot spot that we've all quietly suspected for years.




Saturday, November 28, 2015

Famous Writers Shirtless: John Green



Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  John Green


"I want to fly like an eagle...to the sea..."

Most disappointing live cam show ever.

When things get a little slow at the office, feel free to strip down and flex the pecs for all the groupies. But leave the overhead fluorescent lights off. Don't want to blind people with paleness.



Monday, November 23, 2015

Is it stuffing? Or is it dressing?



Later this week Americans will gather with family and friends for a massive dinner most assuredly involving turkey. But what goes with the turkey, despite angry relatives, is a matter of where you live.

Is it stuffing or dressing?

Each word comes from a different etymological root, and Americans even disagree what each word defines. Butterball conducted a survey of 1,000 random people in nine different regions, finding that the majority of Americans call it stuffing. No region was more partial to calling it stuffing than New England, where 100% of respondents claimed it as such.

On the flip side, the East South Central Region (I don't know--ask Butterball where they got that name), which includes Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, and Mississippi, all favor dressing as the word of choice. In total, only 11 states have a dressing majority--while everywhere else favors stuffing.


In 2013, Epicurious did a peak season term search for both stuffing and dressing, and largely found the same result. The only major anomaly Epicurious and Butterball differ on is the state of Nevada, where Butterball claims they call it dressing. But Epicurious says that stuffing is the third-most searched for term in Nevada, well ahead of dressing--so what does Butterball know? In the end, does anyone trust a Thanksgiving dinner cooked in Nevada? No. No they do not.

There's an old adage that stuffing is what goes inside a bird and dressing is what's cooked alongside, but there's no validity to back up up those definitions. The famed cookbook The Joy of Cooking, published continually since 1931, once made such a claim, simply throwing out that interpretation without any facts as to origin. The book's huge popularity potentially influenced generations to come nonetheless.

So what is the etymoligical history of each word? Let's look at both:

Stuffing:
As might be obvious, stuffing was created out of the verb "to stuff," while adding the suffix "-ing." The modern version was spoken between the 15th and 16th centuries, depending on which dictionary you want to rely upon, but no later than roughly 1538, when it appeared in print. The Middle English stuff comes from the Old French estoffe (furniture or material) and estoffer (equip or furnish). In turn, the Old French comes from the Greek stuphein (draw together).

Except some etymologists disagree, claiming stuffing really was born out of the Latin farcire, Which became the French farcir (stuff), which became the English farce. Regardless, all agree stuffing became the norm by the 1500s.

Dressing:
Like stuffing, dressing is created out of the verb "to dress" with the added suffix of "-ing," but appeared earlier than its counterpart. The Middle English dressen was popular between 1275-1325, evolving out of the Anglo-French dresser or drescier. That came from the very similar Old French drecier, itself evolved out of the Latin dīrēctus--following somewhat the same root as the modern word direct.

Still awake? Boiled down, stuffing comes from Greek (unless it comes from Latin), dressing comes from Latin (but it's definitely not Greek).

When in doubt.
That doesn't quite explain the disparity in how geographically Americans gravitate toward one word over the other. One theory put forth argues that stuffing was widely accepted throughout England until the 1880s, when high-minded Victorian society found the word too crude, thus gravitating toward dressing instead. The theory continues that those who immigrated to America pre-1880 said stuffing (and thus passed it down), while those who crossed the Atlantic post-1880 influenced the regions with dressing.

Meanwhile, some cooks claim it's a matter of cornbread versus typical bread--with the dressing crowd using cornbread, and the stuffing masses using white bread.

Even historical food timelines seem at a loss as to how the schism in the word usage came about. The Oxford English Dictionary, which is usually reliable in such matters, describes dressing--with regard to food--as a stuffing.

In the end, the linguistic mystery of how a nation became divided really is a matter of what you choose to believe. Greek versus Latin, population ebbs and flows, cookbook influences--there's no concrete answer.

Whatever you want to believe, when it doubt, just call it Stove Top.




Monday, March 16, 2015

Google honors Anna Atkins and the first published book with photographs.



Anna Atkins would have been 216-years old today, yet odds are you don't know who she is. But she makes note today because Google has honored her with a Doodle on their web page. Because if Google is good for anything these days with their Doodles, it's to make you scratch your head as to who they're actually honoring.

So who was Anna Atkins?

Atkins looking less blue than usual.
Atkins was a botanist by trade, born in 1799 at a time when very few women entered scientific specialties. As a botanist, she started to use a very early method of photography called cyanotype to document her plants. (Cyanotype photos are a precursor to what we think of as 'blueprints'--hence the word we know today.) As the name so subtly implies, the method creates a cyan blue colored photograph of sorts (call it her blue period)--and it was through this method that Atkins used to publish a book of her observations. And, because of her early adoption of this method, this is why Atkins is sometimes considered history's first female photographer.

Atkins' main publication of note is Photographs of British Algae: Cyanotype Impressions, a name entirely much drier than her revolutionary work, which features handwritten notes and the cyanotype works--a white picture on a blue background. The blue/white contrast comes mainly from the chemical makeup of the cyanotype, which is largely iron-based.

When she died in 1871, Atkins donated all her work and photographs to the British Museum.


But today she gets a Doodle.

Oh, the 21st century...




Thursday, February 27, 2014

Today in Google Doodle homages to dead writers...


Google creates Doodles for damned near anything, yet for a company based in northern California, it has a surprising dearth of doodles related to California-esque things.

Today, a Doodle is bestowed upon John Steinbeck, son of Salinas, CA, who would have celebrated his 112th birthday. The interactive Doodle relays quotes from five of Steinbeck's books--The Grapes of Wrath, Cannery Row, Of Mice and Men, The Pearl, and Travels with Charley.

Says Charley:

"We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us."




The Los Angeles Times would also like you to know Steinbeck was a college dropout. Because, you know, why the hell not?


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Google Maps now has Hobbit maps.


That subject line sounds a lot better for Lord of the Ring geeks than it actually is.

That's because Google's maps of J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth aren't a deep, expansive view you might expect from those that brought us Street View, but instead a cross-promotion between Google and the variety of movie studios overseeing the film production--where the maps lazily examine the topography where Hobbits mingle while strangely, yet routinely, encouraging you to download Google Chrome to gain the full mapping/movie hustling experience if you dare use a different browser.

So if you're really desperate to get a satellite-like view of the Misty Mountains that looks just like the Appalachians, don't anger the Google machine.



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

You can now read the Dead Sea Scrolls online.


Should you be interested in a little light reading, the Dead Sea Scrolls are available for your online perusal with all new photography.

Nine hundred manuscripts from the scrolls are now meticulously photographed through a partnership between the Israel Antiquities Authority and Google. Five thousand fragments make up those nine hundred manuscripts, including most of the Hebrew Bible, the Book of Genesis, and the Ten Commandments.

NASA technology helped matters with photographing over one thousand of the fragments through new technology not previously available. As photographer Shai Halevi explained the process to CNN, “We took the pictures over there with all the colors, different light length, then we're getting all the exposures on the screen, and I'm combining them all into one multispectral image. And now secret writings are going to be revealed with the infrared image."

Secret writings.

Because everyone 2,000 years ago was secretly looking to communicate with the future in code.


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Google celebrates Moby Dick's anniversary with a doodle.


The 161st anniversary is special. And by special I mean it's extra special in that no one usually commemorates it because it's the 161st anniversary.

That doesn't dissuade Google, who wants you to know their Google doodlers are both highly literate and desperate for a reason to change the company's logo most any day. Today? Google celebrates the 161st anniversary of the publication of Herman Melville's Moby Dick--that famed American classic you always mean to get around to reading someday but won't.

So here's the Sparknote's version of Moby Dick so you'll know what to talk about around the water cooler today: There's a whale named Moby (Dick to his close friends), and at some point Patrick Stewart shows up as a fisherman reciting Shakespeare while trying to stab Moby out of vengeance for having a less fashionable bald head than he has.

It's all really complex, so I might have missed a few important facts. But that's the gist.


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The most interesting website/art project in the world.*

Words are overrated little things.

Pictures, sometimes, are just better at sharing a story.

Which explains these:





These are all photos captured by Google Maps' Street View camera as it trolls across various streets, each just one photo in a sea of tens of trillions taken by Google cars as they motor past our homes and offices.

And Canadian artist Jon Rafman is the artist and patient gentleman that combs through Google Street View to find the random, sometimes unexplainable photos like we see here.

We all believe everything real is now CGI or Photoshopped. I know. So, because I'm a cynical bastard with delightful insomnia, I actually went into Google Street View to meticulously double check various spots (using businesses, street signs, etc. to mark the exact location,) and each photo I checked matched up exactly as Rafman posts.

Which is to say a tiger was actually trolling someone's parking lot and a baby crawling outside a Gucci store.



*Yaaaaah, hyperbole!

Whatever. It's freaking cool.




photos: Google, via 9-eyes.com.



Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Google Maps is a Lord of the Rings fan.

Google Maps has an Easter Egg sure to make all Lord of the Rings fans get a pants' tent.

Tell Google you want to walk from The Shire to Mordor...and lo and behold, Google has some advice for you and Frodo, as this image shows:


I don't know what a Mordor is. Is that like an Arby's? It sounds like a club in Vegas. Lord of the Rings wasn't something I read as a kid, as my geekdom only went so far as a teenager, and it stopped at Star Wars and an unhealthy preoccupation with reading the World Almanac. I'm lucky women found me attractive at that point. Reading Lord of the Rings would've been like literary pepper spray.