Famous Writers Shrtiless: Hart Crane

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Hart Crane

This looks like a cross between a Tiger Beat photo shoot and an ad for Clorox.

I don't think the rooftop is the place to be wearing loafers or slippers. And the hands-in-the-pockets-while-standing-at-a-building's-edge look? He's an insurance nightmare.

Granted, this feature is Famous Writers Shirtless, and Crane is wearing an undershirt. But the photo was from the Great Depression era. He's thrilled to have any shirt at all.

Famous Writers Shirtless: J.D. Salinger

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  J.D. Salinger

It's rare to see someone so pale that they blend in with white sand and a white towel so seamlessly. Is Salinger a ninja? What sort of SPF was he rocking? Only the best recluses completely lack any melanin.

Everyone knows the greatest beaches are nuzzled right up against factories that look straight out of Ukraine. The smokestack says "Kiev" while the sunshine says "Kauai."

Famous Writers Shirtless: Norman Mailer

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Norman Mailer

As noted before on this blog, Mailer apparently is always half-naked. He's shirtless so often that he's an off-brand Chippendale dancer.

When people talk about "free love" in the 1960s and '70s, this is usually what it looked like. Shirtless middle-aged men wearing denim, lounging out in public parks like they're posing for an Édouard Manet painting.

Remember, folks: When hiding love handles, always belt your pants at least six inches above your belly button.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Ernest Hemingway

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Ernest Hemingway, again.

Pssh, I'm not impressed unless it's a sawed-off, buddy.

Admittedly, I expected a better bathroom from Ernest. There's a complete lack of wall accents and natural light. This bathroom looks like something a mob syndicate in eastern Russia would have out back.

So many things to wonder about--the least of which is Ernest's affinity for shirtlessness. Like, why a double-barreled shotgun? More importantly, why a double-barreled shotgun in the bathroom? Did a water buffalo just enter the room? What happened here? Do you keep the shotgun behind the toilet with the toilet plunger? How does this work?

Famous Writers Shirtless: John Irving

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today:  John Irving

Sure, you see a septuagenarian male hiding his grade-A pecs from the camera. But I prefer to think Irving just enjoys playing the role of a masculine coquette.

Don't mock the tattoo. Irving apparently got it in honor of his Canadian wife. Plus, it looks like it was probably 50% off at the shop. You can't deny the savings.

Famous Writers Shirtless: George Bernard Shaw

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  George Bernard Shaw

"Paint me like one of your French girls..."

Nudity might be freeing, but that position can't be comfortable.

Maybe it's the lack of proper lighting and all the shadowy ambiance, but for a middle-aged man ol' George clearly was hitting up the local Planet Fitness.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Ernest Hemingway (with dog)

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today:  Ernest Hemingway

Is Hemingway wearing shorts here? Is he nude? I fear he's going commando and letting things just air out. The New York Times might be doing us a great service.

With that face of confusion, you just know that dog has seen things it wishes it could un-see.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Jack Kerouac and Peter Orlovsky

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today:  Jack Kerouac and Peter Orlovsky

Worst chiropractic job ever performed.

Considering the beach is practically deserted except for two other people fully clothed in the background, how balmy was it?

Or, rather, how much booze was on hand that day to explain 90% of this photo?

Famous Writers Shirtless: Jack London

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today:  Jack London

Oh, Jack is back posing in his Fruit of the Looms.

The fighter pose tells a lot. Mainly that Jack London lost a lot of fights.

How does this photo shoot start? Does the photographer say, "Listen, I need you in your tighty whities, barefoot, looking like you've never thrown a punch in your life. Now, vogue for me, damnit!"?

Got to give him credit, though. That man is as hairless as a baby seal.

Famous Writers Shirtless--Special Famous Composers Edition: Leonard Bernstein

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today: Leonard Bernstein

This is the saddest interpretation of This Little Light of Mine.

The famous writer of orchestral music shows that writing a musical score can build up the biceps.

All your famous composers and conductors in history have gone shirtless. Beethoven used to flex his pecs to the orchestra during breaks. Mozart? Lathered up in baby oil to show off his traps. True story.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Derek Walcott

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today:  Derek Walcott

This is either what a beach mob boss looks like in St. Lucia, or the cover to Walcott's new line of saucy romantic novels.

When you look as intimidating as this, you can feel free to wear your swim trunks as high over the belly button as you damn well feel.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Jack Kerouac

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today: Jack Kerouac

"Oh, dear lord, don't look at the strange shirtless man, honey. Don't make eye contact..."

Forget Fifty Shades of Grey. This is fifty shades of lacking melanin.

Gotta give Jack some credit, though. That's the fittest alcoholic you're ever going to see outside of a Lifetime movie.

Famous Writers Shirtless: George Bernard Shaw

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today: George Bernard Shaw

So, is Rodin going to consider this copyright infringement?

This is usually how any writer looks during the creation of something. Naked in a dark room, a semi-fetal position, wondering what the hell they're doing with their lives.

Admittedly, aside from the twig-like thighs, the upper body is 75% more muscular than I was envisioning from George Bernard Shaw.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Hunter S. Thompson

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today:  Hunter S. Thompson

Remember, folks, dappled sunlight is terrible if you're looking for an even tan. You want to save the dappled look for Renoir paintings only.

How is that bench remotely comfortable? Who thought, "You know what's comfortable at the beach? Concrete and stone."

I don't know what beer Hunter is drinking, but it looks like an Amstel Light. If it was, that'd be a worse decision by him than any illicit narcotic he ever dabbled in.

Famous Writer Shirtless: Tennessee Williams

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Tennessee Williams

If you're ever wondering how ass sunburns happen, I present Exhibit A for the prosecution.

Listen, this beach version of Swan Lake is going to be fabbbbbbulous,

There's nothing like the sand in your toes, the sun on your skin, the wind in your, ummm, hair to make you feel alive.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Robert Graves

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today: Robert Graves

Some of the best parenting occurs when you ship your kid out on a dinghy into the open ocean and roll the dice. Buck up, kid!

Meanwhile, Graves shows off the surprisingly  ripped  shredded  hot  sensible physique of a man whose job forces him to sit at a desk ten hours a day.

There's a level of minimal back fat here rarely seen in the literary world.

Famous Writers Shirtless: V.S. Naipaul

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  V.S. Naipaul

Everyone knows the hottest sunbathing action is done in the backyard in the shade.

The only thing hotter than Naipaul's lack of thigh muscle definition is the tea being served up.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Clarice Lispector

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Clarice Lispector

Lispector, here in the Sgt. Pepper swimsuit, shows how to be a professional beachgoer while subtly hoping we won't notice her family. (Lookin' at you on the right, kid.)

Grandma, in white, has decided if you're going to get heat stroke, you might as well enjoy a good smoke while it's happening.

You might say that's just a shadow cast on the family under the umbrella in back, but I think we all really know that's a ninja family. Even ninjas go to the beach.

Famous Writers Shirtless: Colettte

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Colette

Mufasa does not look pleased.

It appears that Modigliani has really taken on a new angle with his nude models.

You always want to look stylish with your modeling though. Punch up your dead lion-draping pose with fashionable leopard spot blankets. You're not just implying you're a big game hunter. You're implying you're a big game hunter of leisure.

Famous Writers Shritless: Anaïs Nin

Writers are never known as the studliest or sexiest of people, but that doesn't stop them from showing some skin for the camera once in awhile.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.


Today:  Anaïs Nin

I think we all can agree that making sand castles is an underrated nugget in life.

Here we see Anaïs Nin has the face of someone who has built her sand castle too close to the waves. Remember to create a moat, people! There's no insurance available for the flooding of your beautiful sand castle.

Don't forget that when bronzing in the hot summer sun that some subtle tropical flowers in your hair will really drive the point home to people that you're on vacation and they--hahaha!--are not.