The Mormon Church fires back at LGBQT students at BYU, says being homosexual is still a no-go.

Nine years ago, this blog jokingly started writing about the comically curious, absurdly strict, and just plain odd codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

The first school chosen to showcase? BYU. From haircuts to clothes to who uses your bathroom, BYU lists a delightful array of absurdity by modern conventions.

Things haven't really changed in the near decade since. That was until a few weeks ago, when the university's Honor Code Office (yes, they have a full office for this stuff) surprisingly deleted a passage in the honor code that banned gays and lesbians from hugging, hand-holding, or sharing a kiss on campus. Students of all sexuality backgrounds were thrilled and excited. It seemed like a new day at BYU!

That lasted about the time of a cup of coffee, if The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints actually allowed adherents to enjoy coffee. (Psst: They don't.)

Church Elder Paul V. Johnson penned a letter rebuking Brigham Young University and its students regarding homosexual behavior.

Today this letter from Elder Paul V. Johnson, Commissioner of the Church Educational System, regarding the updated Honor Code was sent to students and employees at all CES schools. pic.twitter.com/sADljd8lQT

— BYU (@BYU) March 4, 2020

"Lasting joy comes when we live the spirit as well as the letter of God's laws," Johnson states.

This is where the trouble starts. The same passage of the Bible that says a man shall not lay down with another man also notes a cloth should not be made out of two types of thread, or a garden made with different seeds. I don't know about you, but I love me some cotton/poly blends and a good cucumber and tomato salad I grew myself. But I guess I'm packing a suitcase to Satan as I speak.

"Same-sex behavior cannot lead to eternal marriage and is therefore not compatible with the principles included in the Honor Code," Johnson continues.

So, if we're following Johnson's declaration about "the word" of God, then he also REALLY doesn't want you wearing those 98% cotton shorts with 2% spandex that stretches over your love-handles. Sorry, BYU.

Philadelphia Little Free Library is filled with yarn instead of books.

There are over 90,000 Little Free Libraries around the world, but one of the first dedicated to yarn popped up outside Philadelphia.

According to news site Billy Penn, local proprietor Liz Sytsma fills up her Little Free Fiber Library with a bevy of yarn, and each day it's cleared out. Don't let BIG STRING learn about this.

Sytsma owns the Wild Hand yarn shop and uses the Little Free Library box her dad created as a sort of outreach to the community. It's caught a fan base on Instagram and Twitter as a result.

Never seen this take on the @LtlFreeLibrary movement before—a Little Free *Fiber* Library outside Wild Hand yarn shop in Mt Airy, Philadelphia. There are knitting books and balls of yarn inside. #AmKnitting pic.twitter.com/XEHHSTkMrT

— Claire (@vcmcguire) February 16, 2020

It's been a huge success in the one month since it started. "I was surprised," Sytsma tells Billy Penn. "Yarn shops all over the country reached out. Also people from all over wanting to put yarn in it."

Aww, wait until Hobby Lobby or Michael's gets a whiff of this and starts a crackdown.

Library gives lonely book a day out and about.

Sometimes the most forgotten things are suddenly remembered.

Looking over their database for the most-borrowed book of 2019, the Royal Halloway Library in Egham, England, stumbled upon one bit of sad news: The one book that had gone the longest without being loaned out.

So, they changed that.

The book--There and Back by George MacDonald, originally published in 1891--was given a whirlwind tour, which they detailed on their Twitter account.

Loyal followers. We bring sad news.

As part of our research into the Top 5 Most Borrowed Books 2019 we found that one book hadn't been borrowed for a very long time. It's just been there, collecting dust, staring out the window at other books achieving their book destiny. pic.twitter.com/K8mnzAkxCo

— RHUL Library (@RHUL_Library) January 15, 2020

This could not stand. So we did the right thing, the honourable thing, and took the book out on loan for a day that it would never forget.

Here's what we got up to on our book date with 'There and Back' by George MacDonald. pic.twitter.com/dBvgNbsJ9m

— RHUL Library (@RHUL_Library) January 15, 2020

We took it to all the best spots in the library: the Mezzanine, the Feature Wing. We settled down for a good read on the bridge in the Atrium. You can't say we don't know how to show a book a good time.

It's also a prime spot for keeping an eye on the queue for coffee. pic.twitter.com/eMpiBpSBSx

— RHUL Library (@RHUL_Library) January 15, 2020

The staff became quite smitten with the book during the day with There and Back. And like any true love that develops, it's what's on the inside that matters most:

We used sticky notes to highlight our favourite bits in the book. NOT PEN 😠 as we all know how to be respectful to books.

Whilst the cover is nice, the content is what really makes this book beautiful.

This particular chapter, a triumph! pic.twitter.com/FxoZLo7A8Z

— RHUL Library (@RHUL_Library) January 15, 2020

After a while, they even did a quick twirling video that channeled everything glorious about the Mary Tyler Moore Show intro.

It might be bold, but at the end of the day, we weren't ashamed to admit that we would have made room on the raft for this book. pic.twitter.com/3tXVpYmj9T

— RHUL Library (@RHUL_Library) January 15, 2020

Of course, like most whirlwind relationships, their time together came to a close:

We'd had a great day together and after REMOVING ALL STICKY NOTES 🤨 we put the book in the automatic returns machine.

Speaking for ourselves, we'd certainly be happy with a second borrow. pic.twitter.com/6l8iqD8WYR

— RHUL Library (@RHUL_Library) January 15, 2020

Obviously, now that There and Back was everywhere and back, this means there's a new book that holds the title of going the longest without being borrowed at the Royal Holloway Library.

Sadly, they never mention that book.

Sometimes the most forgotten things remain forgotten.

J.K. Rowling enjoys trumping Trump through Twitter.

While Donald Trump loves himself a good Twitter rant (he tweeted eleven musings throughout the day today), apparently J.K. Rowling doesn't love those rants quite as much.

In July Trump posted a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Why Emerson, I don't know. Maybe it was on his quote-a-day calendar sitting on the Oval Office desk:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2012

Tiny matters of the future?! Clearly, Trump is unaware of the potential butter shortage chaos that awaits us all. Nonetheless, Rowling threw a barb at Trump, albeit a month late:

And here you are, lying right in front of us. https://t.co/mOVomAfPpP

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) August 9, 2017

((((rim shot))))

Although sometimes what lies within us is a Taco Bell Spicy Double Chalupa. Emerson really didn't think this one through.

Walmart says that back-to-school sale on rifles was a prank.

"We have definite proof it was a prank," Walmart spokesman Charles Crowson told The Associated Press regarding the following sign caught by a Twitter user:

uhhhh @Walmart we need to talk pic.twitter.com/Fwb4UdXf1D

— sara (@thisbemesara) August 9, 2017

Yet, according to the Chicago Tribune, "[Crowson] wouldn't say where the image had been made — only that the mystery had been solved." The Tribune also notes that Crowson wouldn't divulge what evidence Walmart had that the signage was a prank. In essence, we're to take his word for it, because no major company would ever lie to cover a public relations mishap. Nevvvver.

Listen, where's a grade schooler going to get their affordably priced weaponry for the first day of school if Walmart doesn't step forward? Ever since Target stopped selling nunchucks and billy clubs for the kids, it's been nearly impossible.

Heading back to school? Walmart doesn't want you to forget the important stuff...

Forget the fidget spinners. You can't deny the low-low back to school prices on rifles.

uhhhh @Walmart we need to talk pic.twitter.com/Fwb4UdXf1D

— sara (@thisbemesara) August 9, 2017

Walmart's headquarters says they're looking into which store had the promotion on firearms.

They shouldn't worry, though. This reminds me when Kmart did a Black Friday special on shivs and prison shanks.

NFL player earning his Ph.D. at M.I.T. is NFL player no longer.

John Urschel is a math genius. He is also a very large man who can play football quite well. These are two things few people can be at the same time in life.

Urschel has already earned his master's degree in mathematics and is now pursuing his Ph.D. in the same field while attending M.I.T. while writing papers like he posted in this tweet:

New(-ish) solo authored paper on centroidal Voronoi tessellations accepted by SIAM Journal of Numerical Analysis!! https://t.co/ocBpjOPkTi pic.twitter.com/cbVaafydig

— John Urschel (@JohnCUrschel) April 28, 2017

That good ol' centroidal Voronoi tessellations! How many nights have I lost to the whimsical joys of deciphering that myself!

While Urschel is only 26-years old, in the prime of his football career, today he decided to retire from the sport and devote his life to math.

Urschel, like some other younger players, is concerned about CTE (the trauma the brain undertakes from concussions) and how a recent study by Boston University showed that 110 out of 111 brains from former players showed signs of CTE. It's an issue that's bothered Urschel since he had a concussion in 2015. As Bleacher Report quotes him as saying:

"I think it hurt my ability to think well mathematically. It took me about three weeks before I was football-ready. It took me a little bit longer before my high-level visualizations ability came back."

With his brain still intact, Urschel can get back to tweeting cryptic mathematics like this:

One of the most interesting open problems in discrete math to me right now is the tree packing conjecture. If you solve this, you're my hero pic.twitter.com/SQRbcPwL8C

— John Urschel (@JohnCUrschel) May 17, 2017

Tree packing something something something. All I'm envisioning right now is someone shipping a bonsai in a UPS box.

Images of Winnie the Pooh are banned in China...again.

Xi Jinping looks to see who else he can blacklist.

You would think being compared to a portly, soft-spoken, kindly little bear that has a jones for honey would be a good thing. You're lovable! You're adorable! You're sweet and hugable!

Not by Chinese standards.

It seems China's citizens have routinely taken to comparing their president, Xi Jinping, to the classic children's book character, often sharing Winnie the Pooh images on their country's social media platforms. This hasn't made the communist government happy. Photos like the following are what have irked the powers that be:

#winniethepooh has been wiped off from China's internet, because of this 2013 photo. #censorship (via @FT) pic.twitter.com/3LlN7T4FCZ

— Ajit Ranade (@ajit_ranade) July 17, 2017

As a result, all photos of Winnie the Pooh have been blacklisted on China's social media sites, like Sina Weibo and WeChat. This is potentially because the 19th Communist Party Congress is being held later this year, so politicians want to be shown only in the best light.

If Winnie the Pooh isn't a comparison of being in the best light, I'm not sure what is. At least Pooh wears a shirt. By comparison, Tigger and Eeyore are entirely naked. Xi Jinping should feel flattered at this point.

Merriam-Webster Twitter feed offers lovely passive aggressive commentary on the day's events.

In the past year, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Twitter feed has grown exponentially, grabbing users with its quizzes and hints of sarcasm in a way no one thought a dictionary could do.

Now with 428,000 followers (okay, it's nothing compared to Bieber or Bernie Sanders, but how many do you have?), the feed has dived into blending language and definitions with popular news stories of the day. It's even been nominated for a Webby Award for best social media writing, alongside Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and Barack Obama's playlist on Spotify.

Last week, Merriam-Webster's Twitter lent a hand to Ivanka Trump after she said she didn't know what 'complicit' meant, and this week it's the United Airlines story that's swept the nation:

📈'Volunteer' means “someone who does something without being forced to do it.” https://t.co/qNAcMyplhZ

— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) April 11, 2017

Ooooh, zing! You know United has it bad when even dictionaries think they can muscle up and take a few shots at you.

And don't even ask her what 'implicit' means.

complicit /kəmˈplisit/ adjective:
      --involved with others in an illegal activity or wrongdoing.


Ivanka Trump was interviewed on 60 Minutes the other day and said, "I don't know what it means to be complicit."

While not necessarily considered an obscure word, Merriam-Webster has seen 'complicit' spike in its search terms.

📈'Complicit' is our #1 lookup after Ivanka Trump told CBS "I don’t know what it means to be complicit." https://t.co/HEqWBltPUc

— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) April 5, 2017

Words. Words are hard. They're complicit in making us sound dense sometimes.

NPR wants your Twitter poetry. Calm yourself.

That insatiable desire to yawn you just felt by reading the letters "NPR" is a natural reaction to the hushed, baby-whisper, dulcet voices that come from their on-air personalities.

Now, to really amp the excitement level, NPR wants your poetry in honor of National Poetry Month. Not just any poetry, though. They only want Twitter poetry. NPR even has firm ground rules, including that you can't write an epic poem and take a photo of it as an attachment, nor can you involve art in your work. They only want 140 characters of poetry--in essence, a haiku.

To submit a poem via Twitter, they've given it the hashtag #NPRpoetry, which is almost as sleep-inducing a hashtag as their on-air programming.

Somewhere, the great haiku writer Matsuo Basho just passed out from boredom. And that's sad, as he's been dead for hundreds of years.

In grade school, Matthew Perry apparently beat up Canada's current prime minister.

Appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live recently, self-proclaimed half-Canadian Matthew Perry (Chandler from Friends) said that while in grade school he and a friend once beat up Canadian Prime Minister--and possible hair care model--Justin Trudeau.

"We both beat him up," said Perry. "I think he was excelling in a sport that we weren't, so it was pure jealousy."





"I think he was the only kid in school that we could beat up," Perry said about Justin--whose own father, Pierre Trudeau, was Prime Minister of Canada at the time. Clearly this is Canada, where you can shake down and sucker punch the nation's leader's kid and not go to jail.

After mulling it over, the current Prime Minister took to Twitter to offer up an idea.

I've been giving it some thought, and you know what, who hasn't wanted to punch Chandler? How about a rematch @MatthewPerry?

— Justin Trudeau (@JustinTrudeau) April 1, 2017

Based on the eye test of how each man looks now, if Vegas offers odds, lay your money on the Prime Minister to take round two.

Scottish newspaper's TV listing has a different take on Donald Trump's inauguration.

The Scottish Sunday Herald still posts television listings in their newspaper for those folks who shun the guide on their television and trust only the news that's fit to print.

Previewing the highlights for the coming week--and instead of a standard, straightforward description of Donald Trump's inauguration--the Scottish Sunday Herald decided to detail the event in a slightly different tone:

The Sunday Herald TV Section wins today. pic.twitter.com/OanCZdznGJ

— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) January 15, 2017

"Sci-fi writers have dabbled often with alternative history stories — among the most common is the 'What If The Nazis Had Won The Second World War' setting — but this huge interactive virtual reality project, which will unfold on TV, in the press, and on Twitter over the next four years, sets out to build an ongoing alternative present," says the Herald.

As the orange human windsock himself might tweet, such a scenario sounds "Sad!"

Pokemon can build bridges in poetry, or so it appears.

Modern poetry has drifted from popularity, and now exists sort of like that annoying friend you have on Facebook that shares their confessional works which sound like a third rate ditty written by a Sarah McLachlan clone at an ASPCA rally.

But poetry can sometimes still be quirky.

The Toronto Star newspaper asked two local poets, Kate Sutherland and Stephen Thomas, to take the most popular trending search terms found on Google and social media and make a poem about the year that was 2016.

That's it. No directions, no focus, no overly detailed analysis--no rules.

Just a poem, trending topics.

The two poems are wildly different despite the same focal point.

Kate Sutherland wrote "Year-End Tally," in which her rapid-fire lines add, subtract, divide, and multiply the year's news stories. As it begins:


Add a small boy Subtract a gorilla
Multiply mosquitos Subtract bumblebees
Multiply flames Subtract homes Subtract jobs
Add golf Add rugby Multiply medals
Add innings Add PokéStops


Generally, it continues that way until a slew of Twitter-like hashtags finish the poem.

By comparison, Stephen Thomas wrote "Celery Water," drenched in humorlessness, and as serious as a deadly diagnosis:


We are sick. You can almost feel your insides
kicked. In a darkened dorm, we reverse
and blast “Purple Rain.” Like life,
the guitar part is long, and we black out stranger things:
November 8, around 10 p.m. Eastern.
Scratch out this year, which “cursed you like a witch.”


Oh--it continues with multiple mentions of death and pounding and creatures and crying. The events of 365 days affects people differently, clearly.

Both poems mention PokeStops, though--so despite all the chaos that was this year, Pikachu and friends is what really mattered in 2016.

The comedic stylings of Drexel University professor causes a ruckus.

On Christmas day, Drexel University associate professor of politics George Ciccariello-Maher, went for the open-mic night material and decided to tweet the following (now made private on Twitter):

"All I want for Christmas is white genocide."

If this sounds similar to that time you posted your negative holiday views about fruitcake on Facebook, it's exactly like that, except deadlier and a lot more problematic for millions of racists.

Conservative news sites like Breitbart lathered up the masses, worried that an intellectual was encouraging the death of white society.

Ciccariello-Maher released a statement saying that his tweet was satirical (zing!), even though his follow-up tweet on Sunday also said:

"To clarify: when the whites were massacre [sic] during the Haitian revolution, that was a good thing indeed."

This is the worst Saturday Night Live sketch ever,

Admittedly, I'm not certain the professor understands how satire works, and--if anything--the comedic stylings of Ciccariello-Maher are a little  moderately  massively dry, but it raises multiple issues.

White supremacists and their poorly run websites irrationally fear an American "white genocide" that will topple them from the socio-economic power position in the United States. Meanwhile, academics fear that freedom of speech will be smothered by a notable American university as a means to kill bad press.

In the end, what will really happen from all of this?

Nothing.

It'll blow over. News will cycle. Drexel University will sweat it out. Ciccariello-Maher will remain hidden on Twitter. White supremacists will spread hate. And everything old is new again is old again is new.

Zing!

Because satire is hard.

The Beatdown in Brunswick: Malcolm Gladwell vs. Bowdoin College

Not Sideshow Bob.

Famous writer--and occasional Sideshow Bob doppelganger--Malcolm Gladwell has infuriated the powerful masses at Bowdoin College by claiming the elite liberal arts school's penchant for high end cuisine for its students comes at the cost of admitting fewer low-income students.

Earlier this year, the Princeton Review named the Brunswick, Maine, school as having the best cuisine of any college or university in America. Yet, at the same time, Bowdoin's acceptance rate heavily skews toward wealthier students. This, Gladwell argues on his podcast Revisionist History, is partly due to the fact that Bowdoin chooses to invest money in fine dining and not aid that could go toward poorer applicants.

As Business Insider points out, Bowdoin did not take kindly to such an assertion, and released a lengthy statement that starts off as such:


"Malcolm Gladwell’s podcast “Revisionist History” (aptly named) takes a manipulative and disingenuous shot at Bowdoin College that is filled with false assumptions, anecdotal evidence, and incorrect conclusions."

Bowdoin's thin-skinned alarmist claim is based off their being one of the very few colleges or universities in the United States that provides need-blind assistance, and includes aid packages that never involve loans, only grants.

Likewise, Bowdoin claims that Gladwell's podcast producer emailed the school to ask about the food, never admissions or aid, so that he "focused only on Bowdoin’s food in a manner that was disingenuous, dishonest, and manipulative."

This is the kind of two-snaps-and-a-twist First World drama you usually see on Bravo or E!, except more nebbish and scholarly--with a complete lack of Christian Louboutin heels.

Gladwell wasn't pleased with the reaction he was receiving from Bowdoin or the school's alumni online--so he fired back on Twitter:

In retrospect this week's episode of https://t.co/2Mqc5Dwr4V should have included a trigger warning for Bowdoin grads.

— Malcolm Gladwell (@Gladwell) July 14, 2016

Trigger warning zingers! Looks like Gladwell decided to dig into the amateur mic night material he saves for The Chuckle Hut.

In the end, the high society verbal slapfest continues between the two sides, with no winner declared in this squabble. No winner, that is, except us.

NFL wide receiver has a punctuation first.

An umlaut!

You know what an umlaut is probably, and it's not that little fleshy thing hanging at the back of your throat. That's a uvula. Common mistake.

An umlaut is the punctuation mark of two dots above a letter found in many European languages, like German. It's sort of like if a letter had its own uvula, you might say.

Which brings us to German footballer Moritz Böhringer, who was just drafted by the NFL's Minnesota Vikings. The young rookie assumed he would have to spell his last name as Boehringer because the league's strict uniform policy forbids non-English punctuation. Even his Twitter handle can't manage an umlaut.

Except, for reasons unknown, the NFL changed their position.

Böhringer, not Boehringer.@MoBoehringer received approval from the @NFL to add the umlaut on his jersey. pic.twitter.com/w5oefFZZtT

— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) May 11, 2016

First Poland, now football jerseys. Germany never quits invading.

Even distinguished people have failed before.

You'd never know it of course. In an era where social media allows individuals to craft idealized versions of themselves for public consumption, you'd never realize that failure and disappointment exists for others.

Princeton University psychology assistant professor Johannes Haushofer decided to post a CV of every professional and academic failure he's encountered in his career, including rejections from degree programs, research journals, and funding for projects. Haushofer did this to "balance the record" in the public sphere and hopefully encourage others facing similar disappointments.

New "publication": My CV of Failures! https://t.co/d8ot5vvynY

— Johannes Haushofer (@jhaushofer) April 23, 2016

As Haushofer wrote on his website:


"Most of what I try fails, but these failures are often invisible, while the successes are visible," he noted.

"I have noticed that this sometimes gives others the impression that most things work out for me.

"As a result, they are more likely to attribute their own failures to themselves, rather than the fact that the world is stochastic, applications are crapshoots, and selection committees and referees have bad days."


So when life has you down because you're somehow reenacting the lyrics to a stereotypical 1970s-era country song, when life is really just miserable, realize even an Ivy League professor has had those days, too.

Philly.com might want to rethink that headline...

The Philadelphia Phillies baseball team is having a good year, with their pitching staff striking out seemingly everyone they face. Lest you don't know, "K" is the baseball scoring symbol for a strikeout.

This led Philly.com to post a story about their home team's strikeout dominance with the following headline, which this Twitter user caught:

Uhhh, hey @phillydotcom, you may want to reconsider this headline. pic.twitter.com/Fe59SV5dfq

— Tim Lemke (@TimLemkeTweets) May 1, 2016

Smooth.

Once alerted to their snafu, Philly.com swapped out the headline for the following, which has no double-meaning. No, none whatsoever. Not for a team that had a player just suspended for banned substances:

Sigh. Let's try this a third time...

Harvard has a mumps outbreak.

Forty students have come down with the virus and the school is worried it could affect the May 26th commencement.

There have now been 40 confirmed cases of mumps at #Harvard. https://t.co/gPVJYsENGF pic.twitter.com/1agjus0GPf

— The Harvard Crimson (@thecrimson) April 26, 2016

This is very reminiscent of the time I graduated college with a cold.

In that no one really cared.