People are resolving to read more. Sort of.

At least one of these people wants to read more. (Maybe.)

iQuanti, a data-driven digital marketing company, combed results for the most popular resolutions for 2017 searched for on Google's search engine.

According to the results, the desire to read more was #7 on the list of most popular results. Numbers 1-through-6?

1.)  Get Healthy:  Yes, the nebulous and ambiguous "get healthy." You might believe "get healthy" to be going to the gym five days a week and eating more vegetables, while Steve in Sheboygan, WI, might be steadfast that getting healthy is a six-pack of Miller Lite and a bag of Tostitos for breakfast.

2.)  Get Organized:  It seems all of those hoarding shows on TV have scared the bejeezus out of Americans.

3.)  Live Life to The Fullest:  If you're sitting there thinking, "Yeah, but what does that actually mean on a broad scale?" Good news--you're right! It's really just a wannabe tag line to a self help book on the discount rack at Barnes & Noble.

4.)  Learn New Hobbies:  Time to give into that lifelong desire to learn macramé and papier-mâché, people!

5.)  Spend Less/Save More:  Apparently buying American Girl dolls is not a sound investment strategy.

6.)  Travel:  Going two towns over to visit the new Arby's that just opened seemingly doesn't qualify.

And this bring us to #7 on the list. Of all the things that Americans searched Google for regarding resolutions, the seventh most popular matter was to read more.

There were 4,746,560 searches about reading more. This sounds absolutely fantastic until you learn this was actually down 5.63% from last year's 5,029,790 searches.

Oh. That's sort of a downer.

Well, I guess there goes my resolution to be more positive in 2017.

Big British bookstore chain decides to stop selling the Kindle.

In case you're a little murky on your British retail book merchants, Waterstone's is the British equivalent of America's Barnes & Noble. It's the largest bookseller throughout the U.K., usually buying up the competition and burgeoning on a monopoly. You know how Barnes & Noble has a Starbucks in most of their stores? Guess who also wants you caffeinated out of your mind from a Starbucks latte while browsing books? Yup. Waterstone's.

In 2012, thinking eReaders were going to obliterate sales of old-fashioned paper books, Waterstone's came to an agreement with Amazon to sell its Kindle. It made sense. E-book sales were increasing by 50%, 60%, 70% year to year.

And then it stopped.

Digital book sales still increased, but marginally. Yet the sale of eReaders stalled.

James Daunt, the managing director of Waterstone's, was a bit more blunt in his assessment, telling The Bookseller, “Sales of Kindles continue to be pitiful so we are taking the display space back in more and more shops."

Pitiful? But how do you reeeally feel, Mr. Daunt?

"It feels very much like the life of one of those inexplicable bestsellers; one day piles and piles, selling like fury; the next you count your blessings with every sale because it brings you closer to getting it off your shelves forever to make way for something new," Daunt said.

Douglas McCabe, an analyst for British research and analysis firm Enders, said it was "no surprise" of Waterstone's move. "The e-reader may turn out to be one of the shortest-lived consumer technology categories," he said.

Hey, you never know. I'm still holding out hope that Betamax makes a roaring comeback.

Don't call it a comeback: Paper books are holding off e-books.

LL Cool J famously rapped "Don't call it a comeback!" Granted he was talking about his rapping career, which wasn't that stellar before except for some middling songs that sporadically landed mid-chart once in awhile. But critics thought his career was over by the late 1980s, and yet "Mama Said Knock You Out" arrived in 1991, and proved tides can change.

This is all a gasbaggery way of connecting to a story in the New York Times that says the demise of paper books was greatly overstated, and the sales of eReaders and e-books have stalled.

According to the Times, digital books accounted for 20% of sales last year, the same amount as it did five years ago, and sales for the first five months of 2015 are down 10%.

Meanwhile, independent bookstores have 1,712 member stores in 2,227 locations, which is up from 1,410 member stores in 1,660 locations from five years ago.

And the dominant publishing houses? Well, they're building onto their houses, their warehouses specifically, vastly expanding in order to stock their book supplies. Hachette added 218,000 square feet to its warehouse, Simon & Schuster 200,000 square feet, and Penguin Random House 365,000 square feet.

So were paper books ever really on death's door? As industry experts and LL Cool J say, don't call it a comeback.

Amazon releases Kindle Unlimited. And by 'unlimited' they mean kind of limited.

Amazon announced a new Kindle Unlimited subscription service, where for $10 a month you are allowed unlimited access to 600,000 e-books and over 8,000 audio books.

While the likes of Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, and Hunger Games are all available, publishing giants Penguin Random House, Macmillan, HarperCollins, Simon & Schuster, and Hachette aren't fully available.

So, you know, unlimited limitations.

In other news, Big Brother knows you're reading 'Mein Kampf' and/or are cheap.

Having a jones for failed Austrian watercolorists with bad mustaches?

Be careful what sort of books you're downloading to your eReader because, as The Guardian notes, most have a terms of service that document what you're reading, free or not.

Fascist mass-murderers memoirs aren't the only thing they track. They track your penchant for Fifty Shades of Grey, too.

Admittedly, you like some weird stuff.

'Mein Kampf' is a bestselling ebook on iTunes and Amazon.

As Vocativ.com states it:

"Or to put it another way: On Amazon, there are more than 100 versions of Mein Kampf for sale in every conceivable print and audio format, from antique hardbacks to brand-new paperbacks. Of those 100 iterations, just six are e-books—yet all six of them rank among the 10 best-selling versions overall. And those are just the ones people are paying for."

In other words, you're a cheap Fascist.

22% of Americans didn't read a book within the last year.

That's one way of reading the latest results of a Pew Research Center's poll taken of 2,986 Americans which said 78% of Americans have gotten around to finishing at least one book in the past 12 months.

Most of those 78% come from young people who are still in high school or college. In fact, 88% of the 18-24 years old age group reported reading within the last year, possibly out of education obligations. The least likely to read are America's senior citizens, with only 68% reporting they finished a book during that same time period.

Even the way Americans read is changing with the popularity of e-books. Those who read most--young people--also tend to gravitate toward reading via electronic means. 41% of young people read books on their cellphone, 55% use a computer, 23% an e-reader, and 16% a tablet.

I'm not sure if the 41% who reported reading a book on a cellphone are mistaking reading lengthy text messages as a book.

Fungi is a boss, overtakes outdoor book installation.

Fungi is not only a nasty athlete's foot infection that weirds out your significant other, it's also a lover of books.

Jardin de la Connassaince, an outdoor book installation placed in the woods of Quebec by designers Thilo Folkerts and Rodney LaTourelle, has begun the slow decline to the fungi overlords.

Originally created in 2010 as an artistic expression where "culture is fading back into nature," it took about two years for nature to cooperate. It'll take an untold number of years for fungi and fauna to complete the process.

Now let's see how long it takes for mushrooms to attack a stack of Kindles. Someone get on this.



Full story and photos at PSFK.com.

Maurice Sendak hatin' on children, pt. 2.

Here's the conclusion to Colbert and Sendak, where Sendak starts sniffing magic markers and drops this little nugget about ebooks:

"F*ck them is what I say! I hate those ebooks. They cannot be the future. They may well be. I will be dead. I won't give a sh*t!"

Aww, why do all the fun ones have to die?

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Chuckle Ha-Ha.

A few weeks ago I posted a comic that mocked eReaders.

Here's one making rounds about grammar.

The real question here: are two cops really needed to take down a portly English teacher? What makes her so dangerous? Adverbs?

Books with soundtracks...

...because you need a crescendo of violins when sexy-but-practical-businesswoman Kate finally gives into the sexual tension with cocky-but-misunderstood neighbor Brad in that trashy beach read you're thumbing through. Otherwise the moment when they kiss won't feel real. You need music to guide your emotions when you read.

Thankfully, some entrepreneurial spirits came through for you. Enter the Cameron brothers, Paul and Mark, two guys who want to create a "more cinematic-type experience" for reading. They're developing a variety of noise--music, ambient sounds, special effects--to coincide with your eReader experience. In some cases, this equals nine hours worth of material per book. This is because--eh, let's face it--you're a slow reader. Nine hours is being kind.

But if they really want a "more cinematic-type experience," they need to hire some 16 year olds to play on their smartphones as a five year old kicks my seat and an elderly man with gas sits in front of me as I read. Then we're talking authentic.

Fun with editorial cartoons.

I know, I know. No one under the age of 70 reads the newspaper anymore except me and your grandma. And she's been at 69-and-holding for the past eight years.

But here's a cute editorial cartoon to enjoy. Your grandma and I both like it:

Yeeeah. I'm this close to fiber supplements and early-bird specials at The Sizzler. Way head of you on that one.

Amazon in talks to create Netflix-like service for books.

According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, Amazon is in talks with publishers to create a Netflix-like service for books. Book publishers are said to be none-too-thrilled with the idea, fearing a lack of overall sales.

Granted, many libraries already offer free downloads for ebooks. So you might ask why someone would pay for a library of ebooks when their own local library offers them for free?

I don't know. Why do you have twenty-five pairs of shoes that look identical to one another? Why do you gamble at casinos? What's with your video game addiction?

So, in essence, Amazon does this because you seem to be allergic to money if you have it too long.

Editors: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

eReaders are a tricky thing--a thing editors are apparently still learning to adapt to.

Romantic book writer Susan Andersen knows this more than most. According to British newspaper The Guardian, an editor missed a key misspelling on the eReader edition of her latest shirt-ripper.

The misspelling?

"He stiffened for a moment but then she felt his muscles loosen as he shi**ed on the ground."

SHIFTED!!! As he SHIFTED on the ground is what it's supposed to say. You can imagine how Andersen feels. Otherwise it sounds like she writes some really--uhhh--freaky stuff.

Amazon.com amps up attempt at entering publishing biz, signs self-help guru.

I guess if you're the publishing business, which isn't doing so hot, you might look for help. And help is to be had in the self-help section of your own industry. If you can't help yourself, then really, who can you help?

Remember Tony Robbins? The swarthy looking self-help guru with banana hands that did infomercials throughout the '90s?

Picture his younger, blonder, more obnoxious brother. Timothy Ferriss is his name, and he is out to change your life, preferably through 4 hour increments. He's the author of The 4-Hour Work Week and The 4-Hour Body, both New York Times bestsellers. Now he's decided we all stink at cooking, so he's teamed with Amazon to release The 4-Hour Chef. (Notice the subtle decline in what you can accomplish in 4 hours. The work week...your body...a casual task. Soon we'll be down to The 4-Hour Cat Nap.)

Mom and pop bookstores aren't too thrilled with this idea, for they fear Amazon will wipe out independent booksellers. Many are choosing to refuse any shelf space to the new book. Why help the competition that helped popularize eReaders, which is looking to crush you?

Let's just assume Ferriss's next book will be aimed at booksellers: The 4-Hour Unemployment Line.

Your Kindle is killing your dating life.

That's assuming you had a dating life to begin with.

But, you know, it's good to pretend sometimes.

According to a brief essay in the New York Times Complaint Box by writer Lisa Lewis, her best pickup line was "I love that book!" to cute guys on the subway. The problem? Since the invention of eReaders she can't tell what book a cute guy is reading--which we can only assume has led to many lonely nights curled up in bed with Mr. Whiskers.

Which is surprising, because I always thought quality beefcake took the subway.

Boston has fewer bookstores than San Diego. Worse tans, too.

According to the website LiteraryTraveler.net, Boston--home to millions of universities and untold book clubs operated by Jodi Piccoult-obsessed soccer moms--has fewer bookstores than San Diego.

This should sound devastating. Boston? Fewer bookstores than San Diego?? Shouldn't Harvard and MIT and Boston College and Suffolk and Simmons and any other whatchamacallit school single-handedly keep bookstores in business?

But let's look at some opinions I'll pretend are facts:

Is your Twitter really worth saving?

That's the question Aaron Belz on Huffington Post asks. Or something similarly along those lines when it comes to digital media. I try to spice it up because, ehh, it's the Huffington Post.

Is someone's Tweets worth saving? Are they literature? Is someone's Facebook status updates a form of artistic creation? According to Belz, the Library of Congress has started archiving Twitter posts for posterity. So, I guess some librarian believes it all has some merit.

Belz turns his article into a wannabe graduate student analysis of one man's Tweets, but the argument about permanence in digital media is a good one. Is digital-anything here for the long run? Yet, are books--which can deteriorate and turn to ruin--any better really at this whole permanence charade?

All I know is this blog has survived for over two years. That's 1 year and 364 days longer than I thought it'd last. In human years, this blog can finally talk and use the bathroom fairly proficiently.

Amanda Hocking is a millionaire from writing ebooks. By comparison, I am not.

Yahoo! has an interview with a 26 year old woman named Amanda Hocking, best known now as a self-made millionaire from writing paranormal romance ebooks.

Hocking says she started writing while she had a full-time job, working 3pm to 9pm (full-time, eh?), and then would write for up to 12 hours after that fueled on Red Bull and SweeTarts. (No, really. SweeTarts. It's the poor man's pick-me-up.)

I don't know what "paranormal romance" actually means though. I'm assuming it's about someone like Edward Cullen, minus the hair mousse. Maybe? Ghosts? Maybe the novels are about zombies. I've often thought that there was a huge void on the zombie romance novel front. Look how zombies are so dedicated to having people for dinner. How romantic!

Andy Rooney and I have our fingers on the pulse of young America.

Not for nothing, here's Andy Rooney's take on eReaders from tonight's 60 Minutes.

Because, you know, why not? Share it with your grandma. Consider it a bonding moment. You can tell her all about eReaders, and she can tell you who Andy Rooney actually is.