CNN decided to write a bio of Dr. Seuss in rhyme. Children will not be interested.

Beloved children's author Theodor Geisel (aka: Dr. Seuss) would have turned 104 this past Monday. Not the most obvious anniversary to remember, especially since the good doctor died 29 years ago. 50th? 100th? 300th? Nah, let's remember 104th.

But Seuss is still beloved by generations regardless, which led to CNN fishing for some quick web clicks this week where they wrote the briefest bio of the man in rhyme. It was supposed to be cute, as if it was one of his books--but really it's only if Dr. Seuss hit-the-bottle-and-regretted-his-career kind of book. Little tidbits like the following:
__________

But do you know how it all started?
Do you know where it all began?
The story of the man who
brought the world "Green Eggs and Ham"?
No need to sit and worry
No — we'll explain it all
Just sit back in your chair, relax and
Silent that next call
__________

Oh, boy. First of all, they think I'm taking calls? Listen, CNN, you text me if you need me.

Secondly, it's "silence," not "silent." It doesn't even change the number of syllables. Not that CNN was remotely counting syllables with this.

But I digress:
__________

Then Suess, he was approached
By the director of a board
They needed something new, they said
The kids -- they are so bored!
So he began to make a book
With not too many words
Less words, he figured, that might work
That's what the kids preferred
__________

"Fewer," not "less." Does CNN ever hire proofreaders or editors for their website? Oh, don't be silly! Proper grammar when writing about books is overrated.

And "the kids"?
__________

The book he made, it had a name
"The Cat in the Hat"
A blend of rhythms and cartoons
A different format
That same year, he dropped another
"How the Grinch Stole Christmas!"
A story of an odd green man
who's rude and too ambitious

__________

Yeeeah, sorry CNN, but the "The" in "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" is capitalized, as Random House's own book--and the following photo CNN attached to the story--shows:

You literally had the photo on your site, CNN, and still spelled the word incorrectly.

You know what Dr. Seuss would think?

You need to read more children's books.


PS: Lest you wonder why I don't begrudge CNN for their spelling of "The Cat in the Hat," it's because damn near all versions of Random House's editions capitalize every letter of every word in the title. No media outlet, CNN or anyone else, is going to capitalize every letter of every word like they're screaming.

Semantics? Damn right, it's semantics.