BYU Code of Conduct isn't a fan of your manscaping skills.

Brigham Young University has a Code of Conduct--which they call an Honor Code. Most schools have one--except most schools don't ask you to keep the hipster sideburns above your earlobes. BYU? Yeah, they're not a fan of your Neil Diamond look.

BYU is in the news this week because that very same Honor Code laid down the law on a student athlete who was caught sleeping with his girlfriend. Yes, as stunning as that sounds, it appears 20-year old male college athletes are having sex. And sleeping with your long-term girlfriend at BYU means you'll be suspended from playing basketball for them.

As a result of this, BYU's Honor Code--with all its intricacies and quirks--has come under national scrutiny. But forget national scrutiny--what about Toolbox scrutiny? We'll look at various school's codes of conduct on occasion--starting with BYU.

1.) Brigham Young University

Their Dress and Grooming Standards for men states (my thoughts in parentheses):

A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. (How about wearing SpongeBob pajama pants to class?) Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, revealing, or form fitting. (So you're saying the SpongeBob pajamas are good?) Shorts must be knee-length or longer. (Short shorts of the 1980s were a very painful fashion trend for BYU.)

Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extreme styles or colors, and trimmed above the collar, leaving the ear uncovered. (And if you're someone like Prince Charles with protruding ears, you don't even need to worry about this.) Sideburns should not extend below the earlobe or onto the cheek. If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. (Good news, Tom Selleck!)

Men are expected to be clean-shaven; beards are not acceptable. (But you haven't seen how fashionable my neck beard is yet!) Earrings and other body piercing are not acceptable. (So much for those diamond stud earrings that really bring out my eyes.) Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas. (I guess that means four inch stiletto heels are a go then.)

Then there's the whole issue of visiting friends at their dorm. Do you want to drop by and say hello? You might not want to after BYU tells you what's acceptable.

1.) Visiting opposite sex friends is permitted only in lobbies of on-campus residence halls...
2.) ...unless it's during open house hours.
3.) Then you can visit the dorm room...
4.) ...but only if the dorm room door is open.

But wait! It gets better if you live off-campus. According to the Code regarding off-campus housing:

Visitors of the opposite sex are permitted in living rooms and kitchens but not in the bedrooms in off-campus living units. (No word on what to do if you live in a studio apartment.) The use of the bathroom areas by members of the opposite sex is not appropriate (you and your small bladder are just going to have to wait...) unless emergency or civility dictates otherwise (really, I just drank too much Diet Pepsi, I swear...), and then only if the safety, privacy, and sensitivity of other residents are not jeopardized. (Note to self: do not eat the black bean fajita at lunch.)

So, in essence, BYU's Honor Code boils down to this:

If your bladder is weaker than Jay Leno's comedy, and you look like the lovechild of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Bob Vila, then BYU would prefer you attend college elsewhere.