The Mormon Church fires back at LGBQT students at BYU, says being homosexual is still a no-go.

Nine years ago, this blog jokingly started writing about the comically curious, absurdly strict, and just plain odd codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

The first school chosen to showcase? BYU. From haircuts to clothes to who uses your bathroom, BYU lists a delightful array of absurdity by modern conventions.

Things haven't really changed in the near decade since. That was until a few weeks ago, when the university's Honor Code Office (yes, they have a full office for this stuff) surprisingly deleted a passage in the honor code that banned gays and lesbians from hugging, hand-holding, or sharing a kiss on campus. Students of all sexuality backgrounds were thrilled and excited. It seemed like a new day at BYU!

That lasted about the time of a cup of coffee, if The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints actually allowed adherents to enjoy coffee. (Psst: They don't.)

Church Elder Paul V. Johnson penned a letter rebuking Brigham Young University and its students regarding homosexual behavior.

Today this letter from Elder Paul V. Johnson, Commissioner of the Church Educational System, regarding the updated Honor Code was sent to students and employees at all CES schools. pic.twitter.com/sADljd8lQT

— BYU (@BYU) March 4, 2020

"Lasting joy comes when we live the spirit as well as the letter of God's laws," Johnson states.

This is where the trouble starts. The same passage of the Bible that says a man shall not lay down with another man also notes a cloth should not be made out of two types of thread, or a garden made with different seeds. I don't know about you, but I love me some cotton/poly blends and a good cucumber and tomato salad I grew myself. But I guess I'm packing a suitcase to Satan as I speak.

"Same-sex behavior cannot lead to eternal marriage and is therefore not compatible with the principles included in the Honor Code," Johnson continues.

So, if we're following Johnson's declaration about "the word" of God, then he also REALLY doesn't want you wearing those 98% cotton shorts with 2% spandex that stretches over your love-handles. Sorry, BYU.

Code of Conduct: Boston College Edition

This is part of a continuing series where we examine the codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

I can't make this stuff up.









Next up:

Boston College

Don't confuse Boston College with Boston University. There's a couple ways to tell the difference.

1.) BC's mascot is an eagle. BU's is a terrier. Put another way, one is a ubiquitous bird mascot. The other is a buggy-eyed dog.

2.) BC's student body is largely made up of Harvard rejects. BU's student body is largely made up Brown rejects. Which is to say, BC's student body is a slightly more pompous group of rejects. That includes me! ((high five!))

3.) BC is a Catholic university. You can tell this by the crucifixes they subtly place in every classroom. It's like a Where's Waldo? moment trying to find them. But they're there.

BU isn't Catholic. You can tell this by their sheer lack of Catholic guilt.

Codes of Conduct: Liberty University Edition

This is part of a continuing series where we examine the codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

I can't make this stuff up.







Next up:

Liberty University


Located in Lynchburg, VA, Liberty University takes a very old school approach to education, the kind you usually only see when referencing a butter churn. That said, they take a modern approach to the word "liberty" and make sure there is as little liberty as possible on campus. How progressive!

How restrictive are they? Well, for one, they have curfews on campus. That's not terribly unreasonable. But they have a schedule:

Codes of Conduct: Oral Roberts University Edition

This is part of a continuing series where we examine the codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

I can't make this stuff up.








Next up:


Oral Roberts University

Oral Roberts University is named after ((wait for it...wait for...it)) Oral Roberts, a Pentecostal minister who once said that a bible passage he read was a message from God that it was okay to be rich. No word on whether God also gave a head-nod for naming universities after yourself, too.

Oral Roberts University has an Honor Code that all students and faculty must agree to and sign. The highlights are as follows (my thoughts in parentheses):

In signing the Honor Code Pledge, I fully recognize that Oral Roberts University was founded to be and is committed to being a leading academic institution serving the interdominational Body of Christ (Leading? Is there a lot of competition in this specific a category?), offering a lifestyle of commitment to Jesus Christ of Nazareth as personal Savior and Lord. (Jesus Christ of Nazareth--not to be confused with Jesus Christ of White Plains, NY.)

The Honor Code goes on to list eight specific areas in which you must abide. Such as:


1.) I PLEDGE to apply myself wholeheartedly to my intellectual pursuits and to use the full powers of my mind for the glory of God. (Spontaneously levitating is a natural occurrence at ORU.)


3.) I PLEDGE to develop my body with sound health habits by completing the required aerobics program and by participating in wholesome physical activities. (So walking to the convenience store for some cigarettes is in a gray area I guess...?)


4.) I PLEDGE to cultivate good social relationships and to seek to love others as I love myself. (Indeed, I am very huggable.) I will not lie (...I am actually this good looking in person); I will not steal (except the hearts of lonely women); I will not curse (aww, what the--); I will not be a talebearer. (But I'm an English major!) I will not cheat or plagiarize (Really, baby--she meant nothing to me...); I will do my own academic work and will not inappropriately collaborate with other students on assignments. (But inappropriately collaborating on everything else is apparently fair game...woohoo!)


5.) I PLEDGE at all times to keep my total being under subjection from all immoral and illegal actions and communications, whether on or off campus. (FYI: talking with the North Korean government isn't cool, man.) I will not take any illegal drugs or misuse any drugs (...any illegal drugs? It's possible Amsterdam is overwhelmed with ORU students then.); I will not engage in or attempt to engage in any illicit, unscriptural sexual acts (only abide by a certified how-to manual), which include any homosexual activity and sexual intercourse with one who is not my spouse through traditional marriage of one man and one woman. (Little known fact: Massachusetts traditionally allows gays and lesbians to marry.) I will not drink alcoholic beverages of any kind (What's your take on NyQuil?); I will not use tobacco (So much for my goose down and tobacco-stuffed pillows...); I will not engage in other behavior that is contrary to the rules and regulations listed in the Student Handbook. (Open-ended definitions = gotcha!)


7.) I PLEDGE to attend class, all required chapel services on campus, and my choice of a house of worship wherever God is honored and lifted up. (Lifted up...because God's hips aren't getting any younger.)


So, in essence, Oral Roberts University's Honor Code boils down to this:
Neck beards and handlebar mustaches are allowed. Take that, BYU!

BYU Code of Conduct isn't a fan of your manscaping skills.

Brigham Young University has a Code of Conduct--which they call an Honor Code. Most schools have one--except most schools don't ask you to keep the hipster sideburns above your earlobes. BYU? Yeah, they're not a fan of your Neil Diamond look.

BYU is in the news this week because that very same Honor Code laid down the law on a student athlete who was caught sleeping with his girlfriend. Yes, as stunning as that sounds, it appears 20-year old male college athletes are having sex. And sleeping with your long-term girlfriend at BYU means you'll be suspended from playing basketball for them.

As a result of this, BYU's Honor Code--with all its intricacies and quirks--has come under national scrutiny. But forget national scrutiny--what about Toolbox scrutiny? We'll look at various school's codes of conduct on occasion--starting with BYU.

1.) Brigham Young University

Their Dress and Grooming Standards for men states (my thoughts in parentheses):

A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. (How about wearing SpongeBob pajama pants to class?) Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, revealing, or form fitting. (So you're saying the SpongeBob pajamas are good?) Shorts must be knee-length or longer. (Short shorts of the 1980s were a very painful fashion trend for BYU.)

Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extreme styles or colors, and trimmed above the collar, leaving the ear uncovered. (And if you're someone like Prince Charles with protruding ears, you don't even need to worry about this.) Sideburns should not extend below the earlobe or onto the cheek. If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. (Good news, Tom Selleck!)

Men are expected to be clean-shaven; beards are not acceptable. (But you haven't seen how fashionable my neck beard is yet!) Earrings and other body piercing are not acceptable. (So much for those diamond stud earrings that really bring out my eyes.) Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas. (I guess that means four inch stiletto heels are a go then.)

Then there's the whole issue of visiting friends at their dorm. Do you want to drop by and say hello? You might not want to after BYU tells you what's acceptable.

1.) Visiting opposite sex friends is permitted only in lobbies of on-campus residence halls...
2.) ...unless it's during open house hours.
3.) Then you can visit the dorm room...
4.) ...but only if the dorm room door is open.

But wait! It gets better if you live off-campus. According to the Code regarding off-campus housing:

Visitors of the opposite sex are permitted in living rooms and kitchens but not in the bedrooms in off-campus living units. (No word on what to do if you live in a studio apartment.) The use of the bathroom areas by members of the opposite sex is not appropriate (you and your small bladder are just going to have to wait...) unless emergency or civility dictates otherwise (really, I just drank too much Diet Pepsi, I swear...), and then only if the safety, privacy, and sensitivity of other residents are not jeopardized. (Note to self: do not eat the black bean fajita at lunch.)

So, in essence, BYU's Honor Code boils down to this:

If your bladder is weaker than Jay Leno's comedy, and you look like the lovechild of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Bob Vila, then BYU would prefer you attend college elsewhere.