Potential Future Education Secretary: Schools might need guns to protect themselves from grizzlies.

Don't try that polite waving bear shtick, pal.

Bears. They're the real enemy.

Betsy DeVos is Donald Trump's nominee to lead the Department of Education. Like all nominees, she needs to go through typical senate confirmation hearings where she's asked her views on a number of topics.

Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy--who represents a state that saw one of the deadliest school shootings in American history (Sandy Hook Elementary)--asked DeVos if guns have "any place in and around schools."

DeVos replied she thought the matter should be decided by individual states, specifically referencing an earlier question by another senator:

"I will refer back to Sen. Enzi and the school he is talking about in Wyoming. I think probably there, I would imagine there is probably a gun in a school to protect from potential grizzlies," DeVos replied.

Oh, sure, you're soooo polite.

The killer rampages of grizzly bears at America's schools needs to be stopped! Sure, no grizzly has ever killed an American student, but you can never be too sure when their reign of terror might commence.

But why stop at bears? If we're going to have American schools strapped to the teeth to kill anything dangerous, what's the deadliest living thing out there picking humanity off one-by-one--not including humans themselves?

Top Ten Animal Killers of Humans:
10.  Hippopotamus
9.  Crocodiles
8.  Tapeworms
7.  Ascaris Round Worms
6.  Freshwater Snails
5.  Assassin Bugs
4.  Tsetse Flies
3.  Dogs
2.  Snakes
1.  Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes kill 725,000 humans a year worldwide through disease. How America isn't raining the summer sky with bullets trying to take out mosquitoes is beyond me. Think of the children!

Nice try, slick!

Dogs? They kill 25,000 people a year around the world. That little ball of fluff dozing next you on the couch right now? He has murder in his heart. Better holster a couple of Glocks in case he ever turns on you. I'm sure Betsy DeVos approves!

Jazz hands is trying too hard, bub!

Even jellyfish, horses and cows kill more humans every year than all bears combined, never mind just the grizzly bear. That's right--an elementary school visit to a farm to watch cows being milked has the potential to turn into a blood bath at any second.

On average, twenty-two people in the United States are killed by cows every year. Hell, the Wisconsin dairy industry is just cow carnage! Get the kids in Milwaukee a six-shooter and extra ammo, stat!

Today a wave, tomorrow a knife in your back.

Sure, sure--you're reading this being rational and thinking,"Arming schools might be overdoing it to kill a mosquito...or a bear."

And I say to you:

Since when did you start hating America's children?