Saturday, November 30, 2013

Apparently the period is a passive-aggressive punctuation mark.





According to a report in The New Republic by Ben Crair
, texting is changing the way we perceive punctuation--and no other piece of punctuation is in such an emotionally tangled web than the period.

Since texts are quick blurbs of writing, punctuation has evolved (or degraded, depending on your viewpoint). Whereas periods have been used for over 2,000 years to simply mean a distinct pause and end of a thought, today's text messaging now infers emotion behind its use.

The example Crair uses starts with texting your girlfriend to ask if she'd rather eat in than go out for her birthday. Her response without a period

we could do that

comes across as open-ended, liberated, and possibly agreeable, says Crair.

But her response with a period

we could do that.

comes across as closed, standoffish, final.

The problem appears to be that texting has created an entirely new emotional response requirement. While phone calls allow voice inflection, texting is based solely on the typed word. This explains why the exclamation point now implies absolute certainty (I really think this is all crazy!), but periods are distant and cold.

In essence, for years I've come across like a rude, emotionally-stunted person when I text friends and family because I'm a grammar stickler. I've also apparently just offended you with the 13 periods that appear in this post--14 if you count the subject line. Sorry about that. (15) (Damnit, 16.) (Arrhhhh...)



Yao Ming commutes to college, eats a bagged lunch, is an obedient son.


Yao Ming was China's most notable athletic export since...well, ever. But despite crisscrossing the globe as China's most famous basketball player, he's a regular 30-something college student now.

Before he left China as a teenager with the national basketball team, and later joining the NBA, he promised his parents he'd graduate from college after his playing days were over. Eight seasons in America and multiple ankle and knee surgeries later, Yao retired--but began the quest to keep the promise to his parents. As the New York Times reported:

"On class days, Yao Ming, the 7-foot-6 retired N.B.A. center, wakes up at the crack of dawn to beat the Shanghai traffic. Carrying a lunch prepared by his wife, Ye Li, a 6-foot-3 former player in China’s professional league, Mr. Yao drives more than an hour to Jiao Tong University, where he sits through his required courses in the economics and management department. According to one Chinese news report, Mr. Yao would prefer to live in the dorms with his 20-year-old classmates, a move that would save time and energy, “but the beds are too small.”

No word on how Yao is at campus intramural sports, but let's assume he's a natural at mixed league pickup basketball.



Friday, November 29, 2013

Previously unreleased J.D. Salinger stories discovered online.



It's a lucky day for fans of annoying teenage characters full of angst.

Someone uploaded three J.D. Salinger stories. "Birthday Boy," "The Ocean Full of Bowling Balls," and "Paula," to various internet file-sharing sites this week after an illegal printing occurred.

Previously, they have only been available to researchers at the University of Texas and Princeton University.

"The Ocean Full of Bowling Balls" features Holden Caulfield's younger brother as the main character. Meaning that, yes, the angst continues.




First book published in United States of America sells for record $14.2 million at auction.


A year ago, the Old South Church in Boston decided to sell
one of two copies they owned of the Bay Psalm Book, published in 1640, and the first book published in what would become the United States.

This week it sold at auction for $14.2 million, becoming the most expensive printed book ever sold. The previous record price was held by John James Audubon's Birds of America, which sold for $11.5 million in 2010.

Billionaire financier and philanthropist David Rubenstein bought the Bay Psalm Book. He previously purchased the last privately owned copy of the Magna Carter in 2007 for $21.3 million.

The guy must wipe out a Barnes & Noble when he shows up.





photo: WBUR

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Famous Writers Shirtless: Bob Dylan


A fleeting internet meme happened of writers in underpants--but it passed too quickly to be truly appreciated.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today: Bob Dylan


Sure, he plagiarizes some of the songs he writes, but good writers don't borrow, they steal.

It's not often you get to see a grown man with the physique of a 12-year old boy do a belly flop.

I haven't seen that much boney flesh since last year's anemic Thanksgiving turkey.



4 minutes detailing the various dialects of American English.


The Atlantic surveyed various Americans and asked them to pronounce a variety of words and phrases largely based off North Carolina State's Joshua Katz's dialect maps of the United States, which he, in turn, developed off Harvard's 2003 Dialect Survey.



Cape Cod lights up for 85% of the answers. There's your linguistic melting pot of America--the part trying to get as far away from America as it can.


Stanford University sent a recruiting letter to Tiger Woods when he was 13-years old.


Business Insider has the photo of the letter
, which apparently resides at Nike's world headquarters along with other Tiger Woods memorabilia and trophies.

Stanford's golf coach, Wally Goodwin, sent the letter to the then 13-year old as a means to get a jump on the competition and offer some sage advice.


"Here at Stanford I am finding it is never too early to get the word out to you exceptional young men," starts Goodwin, before getting weird, odd, and/or creepy.

"In your best interest, you should strive to achieve a 3.6 or above GPA in your sophomore, junior, and first half of your senior year [at high school]. Freshman year is not really considered."

Hear that, kids?! It's okay to screw around your first year in high school! Any other tips, Wally?

"[Y]ou should know right now that what Stanford looks for is a high level verbal score on the SAT. Now, boys are more inclined to get higher scores on the math part of the test, and girls do better in the verbal...but Stanford is a verbal university."

So 1989 is the last time a university cared about an English program. Good to know.

"I coached at Northwestern University prior to coming out here...Northwestern was a math oriented place.  This is verbal!"

So verbal even the golf coach won't shut up about it.

"It takes SAT scores of 1200 or so. Athletes get a bit of a break."

NO! My assumptions of education equality are dashed! Dashed!

"Stanford plays for and wins more national championships than any other university in the country, and we do it with highly talented scholastic kids, not the other kind."

Just make sure it's a verbal talent, kid.

"I am looking for a few tough kids. Winners!"

It's just like the Marines, except with putters.

"The golf facilities here are exceptional, with a glorious golf course."

Stanford has a golf course? No--really--they have a golf course? Thank goodness that alumni money went to build a golf course instead of paying the tuition for a smart, yet poor kid who can't afford to attend Stanford.


Ayn Rand is a miserable human being, Jack Kerouac is succinct, and Ray Bradbury is a chatty guy: Various writers and their responses to a 16-year old's questions.


Back in 1963, a 16-year old high school student named Bruce McAllister was tired of looking for symbolism in his high school English assignments. Instead of complaining, he decided to be proactive. McAllister wrote to 150 writers from a wide array of genres, asking them four questions on the matter of symbolism in their own writing as well as the classics.

75 writers responded. Most offered thoughtful replies to McAllister's questions, if even just for a sentence or two. Some were downright chatty. Others were rude. (Responses can be found at the Paris Review.)

Jack Kerouac, Ayn Rand, Norman Mailer, Ray Bradbury, Ralph Ellison, Saul Bellow, John Updike, Isaac Asimov, and Joseph Heller were some of the famous names to reply.

McAllister's letter started out with a thought:

“My definition of symbolism as used in this questionnaire is represented by this example: In The Scarlet Letter there are four major characters. Some say that Hawthorne meant those four to be Nature, Religion, Science or other similar symbols in disguise. They apply the actions of the four in the story to what is presently happening or will happen to Nature, Religion, Science, etc.”

Ayn Rand responded: "This is not a ‘definition,’ it is not true—and, therefore, your questions do not make sense." (She proceeded to ignore McAllister's follow-up questions.)

__________________________________________

McAllister's Question #1:
“Do you consciously, intentionally plan and place symbolism in your writing?... If yes, please state your method for doing so. Do you feel you sub-consciously place symbolism in your writing?”

Jack Kerouac:
"No."


John Updike:
"Yes—I have no method; there is no method in writing fiction; you don’t seem to understand."

Isaac Asimov: "Consciously? Heavens, no! Unconsciously? How can one avoid it?"

Norman Mailer:
"I’m not sure it’s a good idea for a working novelist to concern himself too much with the technical aspects of the matter. Generally, the best symbols in a novel are those you become aware of only after you finish the work."





_________________________________________

McAllister Question #2:
"Do readers ever infer that there is symbolism in your writing where you had not intended it to be? If so, what is your feeling about this type of inference? (Humorous? annoying? etc.?)"

Ray Bradbury: "One critic once thought my vampire family story HOMECOMING was intended as a parable on mankind in he atomic age, under the kkk threat of the atom bomb. I was mostly amused. After all, each story is a Rorschach Test, isn't it?"

Saul Bellow: "They most certainly do. Symbol-hunting is absurd."

Ralph Ellison: "Yes, readers often infer that there is symbolism in my work, which I do not intend. My reaction is sometimes annoyance. It is sometimes humorous. It is sometimes even pleasant, indicating that the reader’s mind has collaborated in a creative way with what I have written."




__________________________________________

McAllister Question #3:
"Do you feel that the great writers of classics consciously, intentionally planned and placed symbols in their writing? ... Do you feel that they placed it there sub-consciously?"

Joseph Heller: "The more sophisticated the writer, I would guess, the smaller the use of symbols in the strictest sense and the greater the attempt to achieve the effects of symbolism in more subtle ways."

Jack Kerouac: "Come off of it—there are all kinds of ‘classics’—Sterne used no symbolism, Joyce did etc."



__________________________________________

McAllister Question #4:
"Do you have anything to remark concerning the subject under study, or anything you believe to be pertinent to such a study?"

Jack Kerouac:
"Symbolism is alright in ‘fiction’ but I tell true life stories simply about what happened to people I knew."

John Updike: "It would be better for you to do your own thinking on this sort of thing."

Ray Bradbury: "Not much to say except to warn you not to get too serious about all this, if you want to become a writer of fiction in the future. If you intend to become a critic, that is a Whale of another color. [...] Playing around with symbols, even as a critic, can be a kind of kiddish parlor game. A little of it goes a long way. [...] Good symbolism should be as natural as breathing...and as unobtrusive. [...]"


__________________________________________


What do we take away from these answers? John Updike, Ayn Rand, and Jack Kerouac were kind of jerks.

At least Kerouac could blame the booze for his attitude.

Ayn Rand and John Updike had no excuse.




photos: The Paris Review




George Plimpton, co-founder of The Paris Review, once criticized Wishbone, a television show about a Jack Russell Terrier that reenacted famous novels. In short, Plimpton was not a fan.

As a snotty teenage brat, I wrote Plimpton (old school! stamps! envelopes!), taking him to task for being myopic about what Wishbone accomplished, namely reaching kids who might not think to read such literature otherwise.

Weeks later, a letter arrived from Plimpton. He was polite, charming, sweet--handwritten letter and all. He remarked at the fury he had received from young people like myself, apologized for not seeing how Wishbone might be beneficial to people years younger than himself, and that he saw the error of his ways.

George Plimpton > Ayn Rand.



Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thanksgiving in Prairie Mississippi: A Charles Kuralt Story


The only story reposted here every year is this story.

Discounted toys and clearance rack bargains needn't be what Thanksgiving is about, nor the gluttony of seeing how much tryptophan it takes to mimic entering a diabetic coma from too much pecan pie.

So here's the annual reposting of a Charles Kuralt story that aired on CBS in 1978 about a rural Mississippi family that had something to be truly thankful for:



May you and your family have many things to be thankful for this year. Happy Thanksgiving, folks.



Young student told to change natural hairstyle or be expelled.


Vanessa VanDyke wears her hair in a natural African-American manner, free from relaxants or other styling--but this is a problem for Faith Christian Academy in Orlando, FL, where she attends.

According to WMKG in Orlando, the Faith Christian rules handbook states hair "must be a natural color and must not be a distraction." Fellow students have begun teasing VanDyke for her hair, which the school aligns with being a nuisance.

The school gave VanDyke one week to decide whether to cut or reshape her hair, or leave the school altogether.

Granted, this is Florida. Natural is blue hair, pet aligators, and not-so-subtle racism.

Once word publicly got out on Faith Christian's problem with natural black hair, the school quickly changed course. Suddenly--magically--they no longer wanted to expel Vanessa VanDyke.

Because racism is only acceptable if no one finds out.



photo: WMKG

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Elderly Connecticut teacher and her twin were secret millionaires, donate huge sums to charity upon death.


Among the money donated, the Simsbury, CT, native left...
  • $480,000 to Simsbury public schools, where she taught.
  • $500,000 to University of St. Joseph in West Hartford, CT.
  • $375,000 to her local parish, St. Mary's Roman Catholic Church.
  • $400,000 to McLean Nursing Home, where she died.
Kathleen Magowan and her twin brother, Robert, amassed nearly a $10 million fortune during their lifetime. Both never married, yet lived a quiet, unassuming life together in a single family home they inherited from their parents decades earlier.

Robert once worked at Prudential Insurance and was the financial wizard of the family, which included investing his sister's money. When Robert died in 2011, and his sister a year later in 2012, Kathleen was worth over $6 million, while her brother was worth nearly $4 million.

Kathleen taught for three decades as a first grade teacher in the Simsbury public school system, and always looked fondly at her time there, as well as her alma mater, the University of St. Joseph. Yet no one at the public school system or at the university knew Magowan was a millionaire. In fact, neither did Magowan herself. When she showed up to a law firm near the end of her life for some financial advice, a lawyer asked how much Ms. Magowan thought her estate was worth.

Her reply? $40,000.




photo: Hartford Courant and estate of Kathleen Magowan

Missouri driver offended by license plate 'WH0 R8X' assigned to her.


"Who Rakes"?

Deb Levy claims the letter and number combination is offensive and tells FOX2 St. Louis she demanded a free new license plate from the DMV.

Apparently not a raking enthusiast, Levy says the DMV claimed the plate only read "who," and told her to pony up an extra $17 for a new plate.

"Can you spell?!" Levy yelled to the clerks. She believes the wording suggests she's a "whore 8 times."

Fox 2 reports that plates are created with a standard formula, meaning there are a number of other cars driving around Missouri that question "who...?"




photo: KTVI

Monday, November 25, 2013

Texas school board battles over evolution versus creationism in biology textbooks--again.


Good news for everyone worried that logic was coming to Texas education!

A committee of Texas volunteer textbook reviewers (because this is how Texas works) looked over proposed science textbooks submitted for use throughout the school system and found what they allege are twenty factual errors. The most egregious textbook in question comes from Pearson Education, one of America's largest publishers, who--crazy as this sounds--has highly educated experts in their field write those textbooks, not a parent with some free time and a red pen in hand.

The volunteers brought forth this matter to the Texas Board of Education, which was in the process of making final decisions on science textbooks. The alleged errors range from how long it took the Earth to cool and issues regarding climate change, to natural selection with how species evolve.

Reviewers claim facts regarding climate change haven't been settled concretely enough by scientific research, while natural selection is suspect because "selection operates as a selective but not a creative force." It's kind of like how the United States sometimes wishes it was more creative in selecting Texas as a state all those years ago.

The Board directed three of its members to select a trio of experts to further analyze the textbook and return with their opinion on the facts for January's Board meeting.


Fashionable Words: Nincompoop


[Sometimes words die out of fashion. But sometimes those words are good words, words with a certain appeal that can't be denied forever. Those words should be brought back into fashion, used frequently and used often. These are those words.]

Word:
Nincompoop



Definition:  noun
A foolish person; an individual lacking common sense.

Origin:
No respectable dictionary will dare say with confidence. "Origin uncertain" is about as hard edge as they'll get.

Samuel Johnson--he being the grandaddy of all modern dictionaries--was throwing things against the wall and seeing what stuck when he wrote that nincompoop came from the Latin non compos, usually seen in legal terms like non compos mentis (not mentally competent).
Samuel Johnson double-checks his Latin.


Sounds legit, right? Not so, said the Oxford English Dictionary, as they picked a fight with a dead man and called out Johnson decades after his passing, suggesting his logic didn't account for variations of nincompoop that were around in the 1600 and 1700s. Today, the OED believes there's a chance nincompoop's origins come from the Dutch, especially the poop side of the word.

Poep, a 17th century Dutch derogatory word talking trash about Germans, was bandied about and adopted by English folk. Yes, poep gives us our modern use of poop. Today, whenever you casually mention the need to take a bowel movement, you're actually speaking ill of 17th century Germans. Remember that.

The nincom side of the word is equally obscure, with little proof of how it originates. The OED subtly suggests it might come from the French
nicodème (a simple person), which in turn comes from Nicodemite--a Middle French term that describes someone who is a timid adherent, especially religiously (think: Protestants in Catholic countries, or vice versa, 400 years ago), with allusions to the ancient gentleman named Nicodemus.

Why does the name Nicodemus sound familiar to you? No, he wasn't an early mathematician or third-rate mobster in a Martin Scorsese flick. In the bible, Nicodemus appears during the Gospel of John as a Jewish ruler who showed favor to Jesus Christ, most notably visiting Jesus at night to learn about his teachings. Later, after Christ's crucifixion, Nicodemus is mentioned as helping remove the body of Jesus from the cross.

That's right. Nincompoop somehow potentially combines Christ's crucifixion with the Dutch lingo for feces.

Most obscure UrbanDictionary.com definitions of nincompoop:





4. 
A braindead self important little turd given an impressive sounding job title to keep him blissfully ignorant of the world shattering nefarious machinations of his keepers. Derived from army slang 'non-com' short for non commissioned officer.

13. 
Slang term for anyone who is a devoted fan of Nine Inch Nails, or NIN, usually only used by other fans.






Used in a sentence:

1. That nincompoop used dirty dish water to fill up the coffee maker.


Why you should use nincompoop in your daily life:

It makes you sound like a nebbish academic, circa 1920.


Word Awesomeness Scale (1-to-5):
Four.

It's the only time you can say 'poop' without sounding like a kindergartener.


Friday, November 22, 2013

Robert Frost and the poem never recited at John F. Kennedy's inauguration.


Time is gentlest on our memories. On the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's death, we remember everything that occurred that day in Dallas. We know the story of the man from a privileged family who would become president, we know his skills, his flaws, the potential, and the idealism we like to imagine would have come forth if history changed. 

But instead of focusing on the the man's end, let us focus on the presidential beginning.

By the time Robert Frost was nearing his 85th birthday, he was long cemented an elder statesmen of American culture and entrenched as New England's poet. On March 26th, 1959, at a gala to celebrate his 85th birthday, Frost was part of a news conference at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City, according to Poets.org. At one point, a journalist asked if New England's influence on America was declining. Frost's reply?


"The next president of the United States will be from Boston. Does that sound as if New England is decaying?"

When pressed, Frost suggested the junior senator from Massachusetts, John Kennedy, would be that president. From that point, the two men with ties to New England were intertwined, praising one another at every turn. Frost routinely mentioned Kennedy's candidacy whenever he gave lectures or spoke, and Kennedy often quoted Frost's poem 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' during campaign speeches.

After Kennedy's election, Frost was asked by the incoming president if he might offer a dedicatory poem at the inauguration. Frost cabled back a reply:

IF YOU CAN BEAR AT YOUR AGE THE HONOR OF BEING MADE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, I OUGHT TO BE ABLE AT MY AGE TO BEAR THE HONOR OF TAKING SOME PART IN YOUR INAUGURATION. I MAY NOT BE EQUAL TO IT BUT I CAN ACCEPT IT FOR MY CAUSE—THE ARTS, POETRY, NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME TAKEN INTO THE AFFAIRS OF STATESMEN.


Kennedy left it open to Frost to decide if it would be an entirely new poem or an old classic from his canon (the president-elect favored 'The Gift Outright'). Frost, possibly inspired by the events and rarity of such a scenario--being the first poet asked to read at a presidential inauguration--chose to write a brand new poem, entitled 'Dedication.'

IF YOU CAN BEAR AT YOUR AGE THE HONOR OF BEING MADE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, I OUGHT TO BE ABLE AT MY AGE TO BEAR THE HONOR OF TAKING SOME PART IN YOUR INAUGURATION. I MAY NOT BE EQUAL TO IT BUT I CAN ACCEPT IT FOR MY CAUSE—THE ARTS, POETRY, NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME TAKEN INTO THE AFFAIRS OF STATESMEN. - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20540#sthash.hfok8VI4.dpuf
IF YOU CAN BEAR AT YOUR AGE THE HONOR OF BEING MADE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, I OUGHT TO BE ABLE AT MY AGE TO BEAR THE HONOR OF TAKING SOME PART IN YOUR INAUGURATION. I MAY NOT BE EQUAL TO IT BUT I CAN ACCEPT IT FOR MY CAUSE—THE ARTS, POETRY, NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME TAKEN INTO THE AFFAIRS OF STATESMEN. - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20540#sthash.hfok8VI4.dpuf
Inauguration day couldn't have had worse conditions for the then 86-year old poet, who was of failing sight. A heavy blanket of snow covered Washington, D.C. the night before, leaving the morning with a high pressure system that ushered in crystal blue skies, bright sunshine, and biting wind. Frost's poem was typed out in faint ink on a hotel typewriter the night before--and Frost feared the combination of glare from sunlight and snow mixed with faint ink would make it impossible for him to read.

And it did, as this video snippet below shows. Frost struggles with the start of 'Dedication,' before Richard Nixon offers his top hat to create a shadow, and Lyndon Johnson and others tries to lend a hand. But, much as Kennedy predicted months before when he told an aide "Oh, no. You know that Robert Frost always steals any show he is a part of," Frost casually takes the top hat, creating a good laugh for all.

But Frost would give up after struggling to read in the glare and wind. Thinking quickly in a moment--and apparently well-versed in remembering his poetry of days gone by--the old poet immediately recited 'The Gift Outright' from memory.

The four minute video snippet of Frost on inauguration day:



The original poem, 'Dedication,' was long forgotten. History remembered Frost reciting 'The Gift Outright,' and time moved on.

Forty-five years later, at the JFK Presidential Library in Boston, a package arrived in the mail unexpectedly. Inside was a copy of 'Dedication,' handwritten by Frost. As Deborah Leff, Director at the library, told NBC News, "We didn't even know that this was something that we didn't have. We didn't even know this existed."

The archivist at the library noticed some faded, penciled words written on the back of the paper. The message was from Jacqueline Kennedy to her husband. The message: "For Jack, First thing I had framed to put in your office — first thing to be hung there."

John F. Kennedy's inauguration somewhat started a tradition. In total, five poets have read at presidential swearing-ins, starting with Frost, then Maya Angelou, Miller Williams, Elizabeth Alexander, and Richard Blanco. For what it's worth, only Democratic presidents have asked poets to recite (Kennedy, Clinton, and Obama). No one has ever deciphered why Republican presidents haven't joined in the tradition--and we won't tackle that here.

As for Frost's original poem from that day in 1961, the poem shielded from glare and lost to time, it is as follows:

Dedication

Summoning artists to participate
In the august occasions of the state
Seems something artists ought to celebrate.
Today is for my cause a day of days.
And his be poetry's old-fashioned praise
Who was the first to think of such a thing.
This verse that in acknowledgement I bring
Goes back to the beginning of the end
Of what had been for centuries the trend;
A turning point in modern history.
Colonial had been the thing to be
As long as the great issue was to see
What country'd be the one to dominate
By character, by tongue, by native trait,
The new world Christopher Columbus found.
The French, the Spanish, and the Dutch were downed
And counted out. Heroic deeds were done.
Elizabeth the First and England won.
Now came on a new order of the ages
That in the Latin of our founding sages
(Is it not written on the dollar bill
We carry in our purse and pocket still?)
God nodded his approval of as good.
So much those heroes knew and understood,
I mean the great four, Washington,
John Adams, Jefferson, and Madison
So much they saw as consecrated seers
They must have seen ahead what not appears,
They would bring empires down about our ears
And by the example of our Declaration
Make everybody want to be a nation.
And this is no aristocratic joke
At the expense of negligible folk.
We see how seriously the races swarm
In their attempts at sovereignty and form.
They are our wards we think to some extent
For the time being and with their consent,
To teach them how Democracy is meant.
"New order of the ages" did they say?
If it looks none too orderly today,
'Tis a confusion it was ours to start
So in it have to take courageous part.
No one of honest feeling would approve
A ruler who pretended not to love
A turbulence he had the better of.
Everyone knows the glory of the twain
Who gave America the aeroplane
To ride the whirlwind and the hurricane.
Some poor fool has been saying in his heart
Glory is out of date in life and art.
Our venture in revolution and outlawry
Has justified itself in freedom's story
Right down to now in glory upon glory.
Come fresh from an election like the last,
The greatest vote a people ever cast,
So close yet sure to be abided by,
It is no miracle our mood is high.
Courage is in the air in bracing whiffs
Better than all the stalemate an's and ifs.
There was the book of profile tales declaring
For the emboldened politicians daring
To break with followers when in the wrong,
A healthy independence of the throng,
A democratic form of right devine
To rule first answerable to high design.
There is a call to life a little sterner,
And braver for the earner, learner, yearner.
Less criticism of the field and court
And more preoccupation with the sport.
It makes the prophet in us all presage
The glory of a next Augustan age
Of a power leading from its strength and pride,
Of young ambition eager to be tried,
Firm in our free beliefs without dismay,
In any game the nations want to play.
A golden age of poetry and power
Of which this noonday's the beginning hour.


The Friday Poem: But Listen, I Am Warning You, by Anna Akhmatova


Occasionally on Fridays we'll have The Friday Poem. (A capitalized title--and italicized!--so you know it's official and whatnot.) Famous poets, obscure poets, amateur poets, whatever poets--just a poem to end the week.

Like this one:


But Listen, I Am Warning You
, by Anna Akhmatova

But listen, I am warning you
I'm living for the very last time.
Not as a swallow, nor a maple,
Not as a reed, nor as a star,
Not as spring water,
Nor as the toll of bells…
Will I return to trouble men
Nor will I vex their dreams again
With my insatiable moans.





Famous Writers Shirtless: Mo Yan


A fleeting internet meme happened of writers in underpants--but it passed too quickly to be truly appreciated.

So, occasionally we'll post some literary beefcake for your perusal.

Today: Mo Yan


Casual group partial nudity is always a great bonding experience amongst friends, as last year's Nobel Prize winner Mo Yan (second from left) proves.

Feeling shy? Concerned about love handles? When in doubt, pull those pants way up around your ribs. It's both slimming and coquettish.



Thursday, November 21, 2013

Stamp collectors aren't Harry Potter fans.


Xenophobia has struck the stamp collecting world after the United States Postal Service announced a collection of stamps honoring Harry Potter.

The issue?

"Harry Potter is not American. It's foreign, and it's so blatantly commercial it's off the charts," said John Hotchner, former president of the American Philatelic Society, to the Washington Post earlier this week.

American stamps used to have a long history of only honoring the long dead, noted heroes of the past, or other distinguished people of note from our domestic shores. From Chester Arthur to Arthur Ashe, Susan B. Anthony to Anthony Wayne, Babe Ruth to Ruth Benedict--all have appeared on a stamp, but all are notably American. But as USPS revenues have declined in recent years, attempts for more interesting stamps to reach a broader base have occurred.

Cue Harry Potter.

Don Schilling runs a blog about stamp collecting, and he sums up the philatelic crowds animosity to the Post. "The attitude should be that stamps are works of art and little pieces of history. They shouldn't be reduced to the latest fad..."

Yeah, that Harry Potter fad of sixteen years, seven novels, and eight movies.


Google Maps now has Hobbit maps.


That subject line sounds a lot better for Lord of the Ring geeks than it actually is.

That's because Google's maps of J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth aren't a deep, expansive view you might expect from those that brought us Street View, but instead a cross-promotion between Google and the variety of movie studios overseeing the film production--where the maps lazily examine the topography where Hobbits mingle while strangely, yet routinely, encouraging you to download Google Chrome to gain the full mapping/movie hustling experience if you dare use a different browser.

So if you're really desperate to get a satellite-like view of the Misty Mountains that looks just like the Appalachians, don't anger the Google machine.



Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Harvard students asked what the capital of Canada is. No one knows.


As someone who grew up and spent most of their life near the campuses and students of Harvard, MIT, Tufts, etc...

Yeah.



Admittedly, Ottawa is a strange, mystical city of the north, full of elves and gnomes. You can't expect people to know that.

Famous Writers with Cats: Mark Twain


Writers need inspiration somewhere in life, and for many that inspiration comes from their pet cats.

This is a running series where we post pictures of famous writers with their feline companions--the cute, the cuddly, the creepy. And that's just the writers.

Today:  Mark Twain


Weirdest Werther's Original commercial ever.

Give him some sharks with lasers attached to their heads, and Twain looks like a James Bond villain.




Not for nothing, but all of that furniture looks massively uncomfortable. I'm certain no one ever sat in that wannabe wingback chair and spontaneously took a nap because they were in a cozy cocoon of snuggliness.



Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Oxford Dictionaries' word of the year? Selfie.


According to the editors, the use of 'selfie' has increased by 17,000% in the past 12 months.

If prior words of the year are any indication, you'll probably forget 'selfie' by this time next year. Why? The previous four winners of Word of the Year:

2012  omnishambles
2011  squeezed middle
2010  big society
2009  simples

There's a 17,000% chance I haven't used any of those words or phrases ever.




photo: Oxford Dictionaries, via The Guardian.

Hallmark omits word 'gay' on Christmas ornament.


Don we now our fun apparel!


So goes the new lyric to 'Deck the Halls' after greeting card giant Hallmark swapped out the word 'gay' for 'fun' on a Christmas ornament created to look like a sweater. The uproar from annoyed customers over the linguistic limbo is not something Hallmark was expecting, according to ABC News--but they have an excuse.

"When the lyrics to 'Deck the Halls' were translated from Gaelic and published in English back in the 1800s, the word 'gay' meant festive or merry. Today it has multiple meanings, which we thought could leave our intent open to misinterpretation," explained Hallmark.

Sure, Hallmark is digging a grave for themselves, but why stop them? Let them continue to explain their logic.

"The trend of wearing festively decorated Christmas sweaters to parties is all about fun, and this ornament is intended to play into that, so the planning team decided to say what we meant: 'fun.' That's the spirit we intended and the spirit in which we hope ornament buyers will take it," said Hallmark.

There are a few things to surmise from Hallmark's explanation.

1.) Hallmark admits the word 'fun' was a secondary choice.

2.) Hallmark is afraid of being thought of gay-friendly. Otherwise, why would they worry about "leav[ing] our intent open to misinterpretation"?

3.) They assume their customers are unintelligent, and collectively those consumers neither know the original lyrics to 'Deck the Halls,' nor understand the history of the word 'gay.'

Now, I wouldn't want you to be confused the word 'hallmark,' which originally had no association with greeting cards or Christmas ornaments.

Indeed, 'hallmark' originates from London, where the assay office in Goldsmith's Hall marked various metals for standard designations. The metals couldn't be legally sold without the mark.

This has nothing to do with greeting cards. In fact, it might be best to skip the word 'hallmark' altogether. You might misinterpret it.


The Gettysburg Address is 150 years old today.


In ten sentences, Abraham Lincoln did what no American politician, living or dead, is capable of accomplishing. He gave a speech that mattered.

In roughly 270 words (depending on the manuscript you use), Lincoln shared exactly how Americans felt at a time when the Civil War raged 150-years ago.

The featured orator that day at the Consecration of the National Cemetery at Gettysburg was a Mr. Edward Everett, who proceeded to give a 13,607 word speech. Lincoln was a secondary speaker.

If you're an American, you don't remember Everett or his speech. You do remember Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

150-years later, here's Lincoln's speech in its entirety.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.



Monday, November 18, 2013

Facebook makes for better writers, says teacher.


Facebook makes students emotionally better writers, writes high school English teacher Andrew Simmons on The Atlantic. The social media giant especially helps boys, as young men are opening up and becoming more introspective and honest online, and that transfers over to their school writing.

Simmons also notes that students are still a train wreck with incomplete sentences, lack paragraphs, and use emoticons within their essays.

But are they emotionally better emoticons? That's the real question here.




Florida student receives a C and D on his report card, is placed on honor roll. Mom is not pleased.


It's smooth sailing at the Pasco Middle School in Dade City, FL, where everyone's a winner!

Douglas Tillack, a student at Pasco, received a large number of As, but also a C and D on his latest report card. Those last two grades might cause a moderate rebuke from the school, but his report card said "good job" with a smiley face.

Because everyone wins!

This wasn't enough to please his mother, Beth Tillack, who didn't take kindly to her son being praised for such varied grading. In Beth Tillack's world, a C and D don't cut it for the honor roll. Mom wanted some educational frontier justice for little Dougie, so she complained to the principal at Pasco.

But everyone wins!

Kim Anderson, the principal at Pasco, tells ABC News that, technically, a student can receive an F in a class and still make the honor roll, because a student only need a cumulative GPA of 3.15. A boat load of As and one F equals a 3.15. Moreover, according to Anderson, 45-to-50 percent of all students make the honor roll at the school.

Because everyone wins!

It's a numbers game, says the principal--teachers have no say in what constitutes an honor student. Even better, says Anderson, "I'm not sure if we'll change it, but we're looking into it."

But everyone wins!





photo: ABC Action News

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Doris Lessing: 1919-2013


Known for saying "Oh, Christ! [...] I couldn't care less," upon learning she won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2007, Doris Lessing died today at the age of 94.

Christ...I kind of care.



Saturday, November 16, 2013

Boy reportedly suspended from school for carrying a purse.


Skylar Davis, a 13-year old student at the Kansas Anderson County Senior-Junior School, had been slinging a Vera Bradley purse over his shoulder since the school year started in August, with little reaction from school officials, according to KCTV 5.

Everything changed last week. Davis was called into the principal's office and told to take the purse off. He refused, and was promptly suspended.

The school claims the only egregious action here was Davis breaking a rule against wearing bags and purses into core classrooms. Davis claims the only egregious action here is the school's discriminatory behavior against a boy wearing a purse.

I claim the only egregious action here is the choice in Vera Bradley purses. Skylar, Skylar, Skylar...stop channeling your inner retiree from Boca Raton. A Kate Spade bag won't kill you.



Pennsylvania newspaper apologizes 150 years after the fact, says Gettysburg Address didn't suck after all.


In 1863, after Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address, the Patriot-News of Harrisburg, PA, panned the speech.

Said the newspaper in 1863:

"We pass over the silly remarks of the President. For the credit of the nation we are willing that the veil of oblivion shall be dropped over them, and that they shall be no more repeated or thought of."

Yeah, good luck with that.

Time changes opinions though, and so it changed the Patriot-News' view on things. The paper retracted their previous editorial opinion--150 years later.

Their thoughts in 2013:

"Our predecessors, perhaps under the influence of partisanship, or of strong drink, as was common in the profession at the time, called President Lincoln's words 'silly remarks,' deserving 'a veil of oblivion'. [...] In the fullness of time, we have come to a different conclusion. [...] The Patriot-News regrets the error."

No rush or anything.

Showing they really had their fingers on the pulse of history, the Patriot-News also stated in 1863 that "the Secretary of State is a man of note."

Yeah, I don't know who that was either.




photo: Patriot-News

Famous Writers Arrested: Dalton Trumbo


Much like the Famous Writers Shirtless posts, here we'll occasionally dive into mugshots of the criminally-inclined writers who found themselves in the big house.

Mugshots? Yes, please.

Today:  Dalton Trumbo


When the United States entered its Cold War panic phase looking for Communist sympathizers, it put the squeeze on Dalton Trumbo.

In 1947, the novelist and Academy Award winner was called before the House Committee on Un-American Activities to testify if he knew any Communist Hollywood friends. When he refused to snitch, Trumbo was sent to the hoosegow for contempt of Congress. Uncle Sam doesn't like when you don't play nice.

He served 11 months in the slammer before being released.


Friday, November 15, 2013

Arizona high school cross-country runners are joined by a coyote.


The coyote pulled a Rosie Ruiz and jumped into the middle of the 5K race--but even then he still didn't finish.

This is why the Road Runner always wins.

Beep Beep!





Photo: Twitter, Marylin Aune