Proposed Missouri law could land librarians in jail for objectionable material

A Missouri lawmaker has proposed a law aimed at making libraries "safe" for children--a law which critics say could land librarians in jail.

Rep. Ben Baker (R - Neosho*) introduced a bill that would create a five person parental review board to make sure "inappropriate material" does not fall into the hands of minors.

"The main thing is I want to be able to take my kids to a library and make sure they’re in a safe environment, and that they’re not gonna be exposed to something that is objectionable material," Baker told KOAM-TV news.

Missouri must be a hotbed of library hedonism, where the Judy Blume books practically throw themselves at small children.

"I just think that we need to be careful about funding something with our taxpayer dollars without parental consent," Baker said. Indeed, the parental board's decisions on what is or isn't "appropriate" will be final, with no appeal allowed from librarians.

Doubling-down on the legislation, librarians found to "willfully" disobey the board's rulings may be fined $500 or face up to one year of imprisonment in a county jail.

Before you dismiss Representative Baker's bill as being misguided, his own campaign website lists his belief in fighting for "excellence in education" and "defending personal liberties."

Because nothing educates a child quite like taking away their freedom to read a book.



* While Neosho sounds like the name of a futuristic city in some Japanese anime show, it's a small town of around 12,000 people in the southwestern corner of Missouri, down near the Oklahoma and Arkansas borders.

Don't assume it's a backwater no man's land. Its citizens have a multitude of things going for it, including a Walmart, a Taco Bell, and a gnawing sense of desperation and melancholy you just won't find anywhere else.

The latest craze: children reading to shelter pets.

It's a win-win situation that's catching on lately: children practicing their reading skills on animal shelter dogs and cats. Children develop their reading abilities, all while Fido and Mr. Whiskers receive some attention while cooped up day after day. The added incentive? Fido can't offer feedback.

One of the latest videos to come out is from the Humane Society of Missouri showing kids reading during the recent holiday season.

The dog at the 0:11 mark seems deeply intrigued by the book's gripping narrative. The drama! The suspense!

And the dog at the 1:36 mark? He's had enough, thanks.

Time for that annual story of a person graduating school without ever missing a day.

Hannibal, MO, high school senior Philip Dauma is graduating without ever having missed a day of school. He credits his grandmother for visiting his house and cooking him breakfast--whatever breakfast he wanted--as one reason he never missed school.

"Sure, I went to school with a stuffy nose or a sore throat, but I never went with chicken pox or something that would make somebody else sick," Dauma told CNN.

Sigh.

If anything, at least we know the next flu pandemic that wipes out half the world's population will probably find Missouri as ground zero.

The largest known prime number has been discovered.

It's that big.

Mathematicians are an exciting bunch. Nothing thrills them like numbers, decaffeinated green tea, and moss. So finding the biggest known prime number raises the hair on the back of their necks.

The Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search (GIMPS...yes) is a computer collective from around the world that has sought out uninterruptedly (for over 20 years!) the largest known prime numbers.

Dr. Curtis Cooper of  the University of Central Missouri has announced GIMPS's newest find.

It's the number 274,207,281– 1. Also known as some number that's 22 million digits long (really) that will never affect your everyday life (really).

This new finding is so important that it was actually discovered in September by the computers, but no one noticed until recently when routine maintenance was performed.

I don't know about you, but I haven't been this excited since I last blinked my eyes about 2.67 seconds ago. The chills!

88 college tag lines in the form of a poem.

The Chronicle of Higher Education took the tag lines of 88 colleges and universities and made it into a haphazard poem. It shows the repetition of pretty much a dozen words, rearranged in different ways, yet all saying the same thing.

Go to the site, as you can click on each line of the "poem" and see what college used such bloviating words.

The poem, as they constructed it:

Change Your Life. Start Here.
Life's Calling
It's Your Life
Your Extraordinary Life
The Life of the Mind
Change Your Mind. Change Your Life.
Minds. Motivated.
Inspiring Minds
Inspiring Innovation
Innovation Is Our Tradition
Innovation. Education.
Education for Service
Education for Individual and Social Responsibility
Education for a World Stage
Education for an Inspired Life
Education Redefined
Education on Your Terms
Your Education. Your Way.
Personal Education. Lifetime Success.
Personal Education, Extraordinary Success
Where Success Begins
Where Success Is a Tradition
Your Success. Our Tradition.
Experience Tradition. Expect Success.
Real Tradition, Real Success
Real Education. Above All.
Real Education. Real Results.
Real Life. Real Knowledge. Real People.
Real People Start Here
A Great Place to Start
It All Begins Here
Higher Education Begins Here
Your Career Path Begins Here
Great Stories Begin Here
Start Here. Go Anywhere.
Going Anywhere Starts Here!
Go Farther Than You Ever Dreamed!
From Here, It’s Possible
Possible Is Everything
Realize What’s Possible
Redefine the Possible
New Beginnings. Endless Possibilities.
Believe in the Possibilities
Seek Your Dream
Be Your Dream
Dream Big
Big Dreams Come True Here
Dream Bigger. Do Greater.
Do Something Great
Imagine What You Can Do
You Can Do That Here
Think. Do.
Think Big. We Do.
Dreamers. Thinkers. Doers.
Learn by Doing
Learn. Do. Live.
Let's Do This
Are You In?
What Will You Do?
Who Will You Be?
It’s All About You
Your Dreams. Our Mission.
One Purpose. One Mission. One Dream.
Start With a Dream, Finish With a Future
Imagine Your Future
Walk Into Your Future
Your Future Starts Here
Your Future Is Our Future
Your Future. Our Mission.
Your Future, Our Focus
The Focus Is You
You First
The Education You Want. The Attention You Deserve.
The Perfect Fit for You
As Distinctive as You
Like No Place Else on Earth
Exceptional Education. Exceptional Value.
Become Exceptional
Set Yourself Apart
Invent Yourself
Declare Yourself
Transform Yourself. Transform the World.
It's Your World
Your Place. Your Purpose.
Your Life. Your College. Your Way.
Why Go Anywhere Else?
When You Get Here You Understand
You're One of a Kind. So Are We.


A few thoughts:

1.) Colleges love tag lines using one word, maybe a few, and then a period, as if that makes it sound more powerful. It doesn't, but, hey, why be unique?

2.) "Like No Place Else on Earth"?

I thought that was Disney World or Dorothy from 'The Wizard of Oz,' but apparently it's the University of Hawaii.

I'd also like to point out that no place else on Earth is technically like anywhere else on Earth. Really.

And an educational bastion is running with this tag line.

3.) "Why Go Anywhere Else?"

Because you're the Iowa Lakes Community College, that's why.

I didn't even know Iowa had lakes. I thought Minnesota had a monopoly on those in the Midwest.

4.) "Real Education. Above all."

That's apparently the tag from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University (which really rolls off the tongue) in Arizona.

Thank god it's real. I've been tired of all this fake learning I do.

5.) "Real Life. Real Knowledge. Real People."

Moberly Area Community College in Missouri is responsible for that gem.

Real people? If androids and robots are running other local colleges, I think we have a right to know.

6.) "Real People Start Here."

Kankakee Community College in Illinois offers us this.

What the hell is going on in the Midwest with fake humans strolling the hay fields? I, for one, welcome our robot overlords manning our crops.

7.) "Going Anywhere Starts Here!"

...says Cloud County Communty College, in Kansas.

I want to go to Mongolia, but does that mean I need to take a flight out of Kansas?

8.) "Believe in the Possibilities."

So says Gannon University in Pennsylvania.

Well, I believe I've possibly gotten poison ivy three times this summer, so thanks for the heads-up, Gannon.

9.) "You Can Do That Here."

A gem from Alderson-Broaddus College in West Virginia.

They clearly have a very liberal policy of what you can do. Because there are things I want to do that are illegal in at least 47 states, but I guess Alderson-Broaddus College lets me do it. (((high five!!)))

10.) "You're One of a Kind. So Are We."

University of Rio Grande, Ohio.

I think the only thing we need to wonder is...there's a Rio Grande in freaking Ohio?

University of Missouri is teaching a course on the friendship of Jay-Z and Kanye.

Taught by Prof. Andrew Hoberek, the English class looks at Jay and Ye from both a poetic and friendship level.

The official class description:

MWF 11-11:50
This course looks at the career and work of Jay-Z and Kanye West from three perspectives: (1) Where do they fit within, and how do they change, the history of hip-hop music? (2) How is what they do similar to and different from what poets do?, and (3) How does their rise to both celebrity and corporate power alter what we understand as the American dream?  In addition to listening to music and watching videos, we will also read Jay-Z's Decoded; histories of and critical works on rap music by Jeff Chang, Adam Bradley, and others; and one or two good studies of how poetry works.

Watching videos?? You mean we get to re-live this Kanye and Kim magic in an academic setting? (Lyrics are a little touchy, so don't blame me.)

The eyes cannot unsee what they've already seen--and I'm just talking about Kanye wearing two plaid shirts at the same time.

The dialects of American English, mapped in wavy, neon colors.

The Washington Post reposted Robert Delaney's map from back in the day to show how we Americans speak.

There are quirks. Boston, New York City, Chicago, San Francisco, and the coastal regions of South Carolina and Georgia all have tongues with linguistic uniqueness.

As does the Ozarks. On this map it's like the beauty mark of America. And just like a beauty mark, it's something you want to keep an eye on just in case it metastasizes.

Missouri driver offended by license plate 'WH0 R8X' assigned to her.

"Who Rakes"?

Deb Levy claims the letter and number combination is offensive and tells FOX2 St. Louis she demanded a free new license plate from the DMV.

Apparently not a raking enthusiast, Levy says the DMV claimed the plate only read "who," and told her to pony up an extra $17 for a new plate.

"Can you spell?!" Levy yelled to the clerks. She believes the wording suggests she's a "whore 8 times."

Fox 2 reports that plates are created with a standard formula, meaning there are a number of other cars driving around Missouri that question "who...?"




photo: KTVI