Friday, March 25, 2011

Codes of Conduct: Liberty University Edition




This is part of a continuing series where we examine the codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

I can't make this stuff up.








Next up:

Liberty University



Located in Lynchburg, VA, Liberty University takes a very old school approach to education, the kind you usually only see when referencing a butter churn. That said, they take a modern approach to the word "liberty" and make sure there is as little liberty as possible on campus. How progressive!

How restrictive are they? Well, for one, they have curfews on campus. That's not terribly unreasonable. But they have a schedule:

Sunday and Monday: 12am
Tuesday: 10pm
Wednesday and Thursday: 12am
Friday and Saturday: 12:30am

Assisted living facilities for your grandma have a wilder schedule. In reality, it turns out that Liberty holds residential hall meetings every Tuesday at 10pm. This is to instill "unity" in the halls, which I can only assume is an attempt to unify a group of people against a 10pm curfew.

The On Campus Living Guide generally is vague with explaining rules. Let's dive into it (my thoughts in parentheses):

Liberty University encourages all students to abstain from any form of entertainment that would compromise their testimony to the world and their relationship with God. (In other words, God isn't a fan of Teen Mom. He's more a Bachelor fan.)

Movies:
Liberty University has always attempted to maintain a conservative standard in its approach to the arts and entertainment. (Lawrence Welk is pushing the envelope.) Current policy for movie viewing allows for attendance at theaters but prohibits viewing of movies rated "R", "NC-17" or "X". (Good to know XXX is still allowed though.) The penalty for viewing such movies is a reprimandable offense. It should be remembered that in no way is Liberty University endorsing the movie industry's rating system as appropriate or Christ-honoring. (Or the fact that Hollywood is capable of releasing a sequel to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.) In addition, the Division of Student Affairs will continue teaching guidelines and principles to students related to all forms of entertainment. This would mean that many "PG-13" and some "PG" movies, although not prohibited by policy, may also be inappropriate. (Did you see how Bambi's mom was gunned down? Traumatized me for years.)

Video Games:
“M”-rated games depicting violence will be at the discretion of Resident Directors. Liberty University refers to the Bible for all moral standards.
(My guess? Violence shown in the Bible is fair game for video games. That means murder, plagues, murder, more plague, some other murder, floods, an occasional second dose of Godly-dictated plague, and a little extra murder.)

Music:
Philosophy, tastes and personal convictions concerning music vary greatly among our students.
(This explains why Justin Bieber has a career.) Liberty University endeavors to teach discernment in evaluating and selecting all music. (So you recommend listening to Nine Inch Nails?) It is Liberty's desire to maintain a music standard that is conducive to a healthy Christian atmosphere. Students should learn to choose music that honors the Savior and is in harmony with God's word. (So that's a no on the Nine Inch Nails?) Music that is offensive--i.e., lewd lyrics, anti-Christian messages, etc.--to Liberty's Christian stand is not permitted. (Definitely a no on the Nine Inch Nails then.)

Pets:
NO pets are allowed in the residence halls. Fish and hermit crabs are the only exceptions.
(Do I dare ask where the hermit crab exception comes from?)

Restricted Areas on Campus:
A student may not be alone with an individual of the opposite sex in the academic classrooms or offices.
(It seems one-on-one meetings with professors are sexier than I ever imagined in Virginia.) Students may not enter the residence halls of the opposite sex. (Hermaphrodites is a vague area.) After dusk, a student may not be alone with an individual of the opposite sex in any unlighted area, such as the ball fields, the ravine, parking lots, parked cars, etc. (As long as you keep that car moving at 1mph, you're in the clear.)

Sunbathing:
Sunbathing is not permitted on campus with the exception of Campus East pool.
(Half the student body at Fitchburg State wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they went here.)

Theft:
Students should take precaution against the possibility of theft of personal items. To aid the student in this effort, the following is required:

  • Always keep residence room locked when unoccupied or sleeping. (Otherwise, you might get stolen while you're asleep.)
    ...
  • Large amounts of cash should never be kept in a student's room. A student should keep his/her money with him/her at all times or in the bank. (If you're going to be robbed, you want to make sure you're robbed in person.)
  • All clothing should be marked in such a way that it can be easily identified. (It's like preschool all over again.)
Demonstrations, Petitions and Picketing:
Student participation in on-campus demonstrations, petitions or picketing is prohibited unless approved by Liberty University administration. (Nothing lends more credence to the idea of liberty quite like the suppression of dissent.) The administration may also prohibit or restrict student participation in demonstrations, petitions or picketing at places other than on campus, where such participation would contradict or otherwise compromise the principles and policies of Liberty University. (Little known fact: this form of liberty is also popular in many free countries, like China, Libya, and North Korea.)

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What makes Liberty stand out from many universities is its dress code. It's been drastically relaxed in recent years once university administrators were alerted to the fact that the 17th century passed. The dress code raised such a ruckus in years past that Liberty doesn't even post it online any longer. You need to be using a computer on campus to read it. But Liberty does post the dress code on Facebook. This is because Facebook has long been known as a bastion for privacy.

Dress Code for Women:
Hair and clothing styles related to a counterculture--as determined by the Student Conduct Review Committee--are not acceptable. (Has "counterculture" been used in serious conversation since 1969?) Dresses and skirts should be no shorter than the top of the knee--sitting or standing. (It's like Little House on the Prairie!) Skirt slits should be modest; open slits should be no higher than the top of the knee, closed slits should be no higher than two inches from the top of the knee. (Someone must go around campus with a tape measure.) Shoulder straps should be no less than two inches wide. (A linebacker in the NFL wears more revealing clothes.) Anything tight, scant, backless, see-through, low in the neckline or revealing the midriff--in any position (hey now!)--is immodest and unacceptable. Slips should be worn under thin material. (But HOW thin? I need specifics.) Earrings and plugs are permitted in ears only. No other facial piercing or plugs are allowed, including tongue. (I guess that means body piercings are a go, ladies!)

Class Dress
Sweaters, loose-fitting tops, sweatshirts (no inappropriate logos), skirts, dresses, pants, which would include capri/cropped pants and neat jeans (no holes, patches, or tears), footwear (sandals or flip-flops are acceptable). (I hear Amazon carries a wide array of burqas that work just as well.)

Class Dress must be worn in academic and administrative buildings before 4:30 pm on weekdays and in all classes, regardless of time. (Even if a time warp opens up, Liberty wants you looking your best.)

Casual Dress
Shirts, neat pants, jeans, wind suits (a wind-what?), loose-fitting, modest shorts--mid-thigh or longer (they'll look fantastic with the slip you're required to wear), shoes--sandals or flip-flops are acceptable. (Footwear seems an ill-defined area. They really push the sandals. Good enough for Jesus, good enough for you.)

Casual Dress is acceptable in academic and administrative buildings after 4:30 pm on weekdays and in the Reber/Thomas Dining Hall for all meals. (Ohh, I get it now--the loose-fitting shorts are in case you eat too much.)

Swimming Pool
Swimwear is only appropriate at the swimming pool. (AT the swimming pool. In it? That's a different matter.) Students are to wear appropriate casual or sport attire going to and from the pool. (Now would be a good time to wear that linebacker uniform.) Women are required to wear a one-piece suit that is in good taste. (Honey, stripes just don't work on your figure.) Swimsuits that are see-through/mesh, expose the midriff and/or are low in the front or back or cut high on the legs are not acceptable. (The 100m freestyle in the Olympics is borderline porn to Liberty.)

Dress Code for Men:
Hair and clothing style related to a counterculture--as determined by the Student Conduct Review Committee--are not acceptable. (Bert and Ernie = drug-addled '60s hippies.) Hair should be no longer than the middle of the ear. (Bonus points if this is accomplished with just extensive ear hair.) Hair should be cut in such a way that it will not come over the collar or eyebrows at any time. (Take that, Bieber!) Ponytails for men are unacceptable. (Tell me about it.) Earrings and/or plugs are not permitted on or off campus nor is body piercing. (Don't judge until you see how good my belly button piercing looks.)

Class Dress
Collared or polo shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts--no inappropriate logos (The SHOCKA! sweatshirt isn't going to fly here, sorry), pants--includes neat jeans, properly worn, with no holes, patches, or tears (just borrow them from your grandpa), footwear--sandals or flip-flops are acceptable (male sandals, aka: mandals), no hats, durags ("Durags"? Merriam-Webster spells them "do-rags," thanks) or hoods in class or convocation.

Swimming Pool
Swimwear is only appropriate at the swimming pool. Students are to wear appropriate casual or sport attire going to and from the pool. Speedos, spandex suits, or cut-off jeans are not acceptable. (No Speedos, eh? Clearly an anti-European crowd.)

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So, in essence, Liberty University's Code of Conduct boils down to this:
You're a masochist.



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