Dr. Seuss loved himself some Schaefer's Beer and Holly Sugar.

Dr. Seuss needed to make some coin back in the day, and there was no better way to make it for a cartoonist than to draw advertisements.

The University of California--San Diego has a huge database of most of Dr. Seuss's work from the 1920s to the 1940s for companies as varied as Ford and General Electric to Holly Sugar and Schaefer Beer.

While nearly all of the advertisements look like fringe characters from Green Eggs and Ham, it still takes a moment to wrap your head around a Cindy Lou Who clone promoting all the advantages of an oil heat burner.

And then there's the mildly awkward xenophobia that occurs with some ads.

A selection of all sorts of advertisements:

Example #1 of a mildly awkward advertisement.

Not like stereotypical representations of tribes people and a Rich Uncle Pennybags toting a gun is uncomfortable or anything.

Example #2.

Not sure if Dr. Seuss just said all women are kind of ugly.

Example #3.

Those Bavarians will stick damn near anything in their hats.
























Full Dr. Seuss Advertising Database at UCSD.

"I attempted to draw the sexiest babes I could, but they came out looking absurd."

So said Theodor Geisel--better known as Dr. Seuss, who would've turned 108 years old today.

In 1939, after leaving publisher Vanguard for Random House, Seuss told his new publisher he wanted to distribute an "adult" book first. "Adult" is put into quotes because it's hard to call something adult when it's technically a comic, of which every naked character is lacking nipples.

Nonetheless, released it was. The Seven Lady Godivas: The True Facts Concerning History's Barest Family came out in 1939, and was an immediate flop. Out of 10,000 copies printed, only 2,500 sold.

Why was it a flop? Well, the drawings looked exactly like how you'd expect Dr. Seuss to draw them. Picture the Cat in the Hat as a bodice-ripping hunk, and you sort of see where it gets odd. Judge for yourself, as here's one of the drawings from the book:

Those, my friends, are "the sexiest babes" Dr. Seuss could think of. I'm pretty certain the middle one plays linebacker for the Patriots. The one on the right might be Voltaire. And the white haired one has a striking resemblance to nearly everyone's grandma. If you think your grandma is a smoke show, well, good luck to you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going try my best to read The Lorax without pretending it's really Wilford Brimley in the nude.

Girl speed reads Dr. Seuss.

For those of you who've always thought that Dr. Seuss was a little too time-consuming to read:

I'm pretty certain she just slurs her way through after the first 30 seconds. But being a Dr. Seuss book, it all sounds the same no matter the speed.

Dr. Seuss was crafty.

It can be said the last thing Dr. Seuss ever did was write children's books. Take Yertle the Turtle. That's about Hitler. (Although it's Hitler minus the Holocaust. There's no real subtle way to reinterpret that into a children's book.)

And The Butter Battle Book? That's about the Cold War. (Although not about how cold the butter is in your Frigidaire.)

Mental Floss Magazine has a rundown of ten stories behind Dr. Seuss's books. The Lorax? About environmentalism. Horton Hears a Who!? Often used in abortion arguments. If I Ran the Zoo? It's responsible for first publishing the word "nerd."

Nerd? Really, Dr. Seuss? Really?? Well, at least you knew your target audience.

Banned Books Week: AARP edition.

People have called me an old soul. They've also called me a curmudgeon. Maybe this is why I somehow came across the AARP Bulletin--the monthly kinda-sorta magazine about hearing aids, Alzheimer's, and the costs of diabetes medical supplies. (Really. September's issue lives up to stereotypes that usually take generations to cultivate. When you read it, pretend Wilfred Brimley is narrating. It makes the experience all the more surreal.)

But old people read. That's why AARP offers a hat tip to banned books to commemorate Banned Books week. AARP just creates their own list based on...well, I don't know what statistics actually. They don't say. Maybe books banned at the assisted living community? Thelma's coffee clatch? The local doctor's office? The Sizzler?

Among their selection:

Books Banned for Being too Political:

2.) All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque: Generally banned because it shows that war is bad. Which, clearly, is just too subversive. Whaddaya mean war is bad? War is fun! It's just like playing with water guns when you were a kid, except, you know, with bullets now!

4.) The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck: Deemed as too political because it showed bigotry and poor people starving. Good thing it was banned, too. If there's anything America should avoid thinking about, it's how much we eat.




  
Books Banned for Being Too Sexual:

5.) Lady Chatterley's Lover by DH Lawrence: Really now, what did you think the book was going to be about with that title?

Hint: (((psssst))) There might be some neckin' in the book. ((wink-wink, nudge-nudge))

11.) Jaws by Peter Benchley: Admittedly, sharks do have a lot of pent-up sexual aggression.







Books Banned for Being Too Irreligious:

1.) On the Origin of Species by Charles Darwin: Personally, I like to think I evolved from flying lemurs. Just throwing it out there.

5.) The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling: People need to think broad view here. It's all an allegory. Dumbledore? The pope. Ron? A priest. Harry? A priest with a really snazzy walking stick. Hermione? A nun. Voldemort? The seven deadly sins all wrapped into one.

((wipes hands clean)) Most religious book ever now?

Most religious book ever now.