Banned Books Week: AARP edition.

People have called me an old soul. They've also called me a curmudgeon. Maybe this is why I somehow came across the AARP Bulletin--the monthly kinda-sorta magazine about hearing aids, Alzheimer's, and the costs of diabetes medical supplies. (Really. September's issue lives up to stereotypes that usually take generations to cultivate. When you read it, pretend Wilfred Brimley is narrating. It makes the experience all the more surreal.)

But old people read. That's why AARP offers a hat tip to banned books to commemorate Banned Books week. AARP just creates their own list based on...well, I don't know what statistics actually. They don't say. Maybe books banned at the assisted living community? Thelma's coffee clatch? The local doctor's office? The Sizzler?

Among their selection:

Books Banned for Being too Political:

2.) All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque: Generally banned because it shows that war is bad. Which, clearly, is just too subversive. Whaddaya mean war is bad? War is fun! It's just like playing with water guns when you were a kid, except, you know, with bullets now!

4.) The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck: Deemed as too political because it showed bigotry and poor people starving. Good thing it was banned, too. If there's anything America should avoid thinking about, it's how much we eat.




  
Books Banned for Being Too Sexual:

5.) Lady Chatterley's Lover by DH Lawrence: Really now, what did you think the book was going to be about with that title?

Hint: (((psssst))) There might be some neckin' in the book. ((wink-wink, nudge-nudge))

11.) Jaws by Peter Benchley: Admittedly, sharks do have a lot of pent-up sexual aggression.







Books Banned for Being Too Irreligious:

1.) On the Origin of Species by Charles Darwin: Personally, I like to think I evolved from flying lemurs. Just throwing it out there.

5.) The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling: People need to think broad view here. It's all an allegory. Dumbledore? The pope. Ron? A priest. Harry? A priest with a really snazzy walking stick. Hermione? A nun. Voldemort? The seven deadly sins all wrapped into one.

((wipes hands clean)) Most religious book ever now?

Most religious book ever now.