Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here: Key West, Florida

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here is where we check out cities or towns that--you guessed it--a famous writer once lived. Picture the illegitimate lovechild between the US Census report and a tourist pamphlet from a local chamber of commerce. What's it like there today? Here's where we find out.


Today:  Ernest Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, and others once lived in Key West, Florida:

The Florida Keys are like a Diet Hawaii with half the travel time to get there in you live in the 48 contiguous states. You won't get leis, volcanoes, and the smooth, smooth rhythm of Don Ho's music to spice up your day like you would in Hawaii, but the Keys offer retirees in abundance, narrow roads, and the dulcet tones and bum lifestyle of Jimmy Buffet.

Diet Hawaiian waves as well.

While there are 1700 islands in the archipelago that makes up the Keys, most islands are ignored like a red-headed stepchild. Celebrities and tourists flock to Key West mostly, including Ernest Hemingway and Tennessee Williams. You know how you were forced to read To Have and Have Not in high school by your English teacher? You can blame Key West for stirring Hemingway's creative juices, as he wrote the book there.


The basics of Key West, Florida:

Location:
Nearly 160 miles from Miami via car, Key West is only 94 miles from the Cuban coastline. Whichever direction you choose to go, you'll end up at a nightclub swiveling your hips, which is probably a sight no one wants to see.

2010 Census:
Population: 24,649, down 3.3% from the 2000 Census. Florida is God's waiting room after all, so it looks like God's been busy.

Racial Makeup: 83.8% white, 9.7% African American, 2.1% two or more races, 1.6% Asian, and 0.4% Native American. No word on how many identify as Jimmy Buffet Parrotheads.

Great news for single women, as 55.4% of the population is made up of men. As long as you don't mind the smell of cheap beer, suntan lotion, and illicit Cuban cigars, you've got it made.

12.9% of locals live below the poverty line. Apparently poverty wasn't interesting enough for Hemingway to write about, though.


What to see, what to do in Key West:

Do you live in the middle of the desert and have never been to an aquarium before? The MOTE Marine Laboratory & Aquarium is there to fill the void in your life. On their website, they say, "The answers are in the ocean." I don't know what that actually means, but I hope it's the answer to what the Powerball numbers are for tonight's drawing.

Where were the answers in the ocean that night, MOTE?? Hmm?

If you're jonesing for a fix of Hemingway, don't worry. Key West is practically a shrine to the man, with a Hemingway Days festival held every July. The highlight is the Hemingway look-a-like contest, where mildly overweight 60-ish year old men with white hair and beards dress up like they're on safari. It's kind of like when your crazy uncle Frank forgets to take his meds and drinks too much at Thanksgiving.

Hemingway dress-up not enough for you? You can tour the house he lived in for nearly a decade, now a museum, and come across 50+ felines. Hemingway loved cats back in the day, and was once given a polydactyl (six-toed) cat called Snow White by a passing boat captain. Snow White was seemingly the amorous sort, as today there is an untold number of cats in Key West--including the 50+ at Hemingway's house--that are polydactyl.

One of Hemingway's cat's descendants with a mitt large enough to play baseball.

If you really need a break from Hemingway, there's always the Tennessee Williams Key West Exhibit. The exhibit is in a separate building and is not the house Williams owned and lived in from 1949 until his death in 1983. That house is privately owned today, and apparently the owners aren't interested in inviting hundreds of tourists into their living room every afternoon. So much for HGTV-style "entertaining."

The Chamber of Commerce has a section on their website about "Places to Propose" if you want to get married. The website page proceeds to simply tell you how much the license fee is ($93.50!),  some basic rules, and that you can get married in the Clerk of Courts office. After all, nothing says romance like the Clerk of Courts office. But let it be known that at no point on the "Places to Propose" page does the Chamber of Commerce actually tell you where to propose. Small missed detail.


Where to eat in Key West:

Looking for that restaurant that hitches its wagon to famous writers some way or another? There's the Hot Tin Roof restaurant. Sure, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof deals with alcoholism, but why focus on the negative? The restaurant is upscale, and charges $22 for a basic cheeseburger, showing that alcohol might even affect menu pricing decisions, too. That's called synergy, folks!

Time to get boozin'.

Two Friends Patio Restaurant claims its history goes back to 1886, where it opened as a saloon. They say the restaurant's name came sometime after World War One, but don't explain how. Personally, I always enjoy vague allusions in my history lessons. Keeps me guessing.

If you REALLY want to see that Ernest Hemingway look-a-like contest mentioned earlier, swing over to Sloppy Joe's Cafe, where it's held annually. Get your fix of impersonators and cheap American beer all in one.

So...much...Ernest.

To cap off the night, there's Better Than Sex, which is an intimate dessert-only restaurant. Their drinks go by the names "The Klimax," "Shelby's Shocker," and "The 'Money' Shot," while their desserts are named the likes of "Cookie Nookie Pie," "Tongue Bath Truffle," "The Missionary Crisp," and "Fork You Fondue." I don't know if any of this is better than sex, but my curiosity is piqued.



Isn't Judy Blume occasionally a resident of Key West, too?

She is, but no word if she has a polydactyl cat.


Tennessee Williams' thoughts on Key West:

"There are punks here. That’s because a couple of gay magazines publicized this place as if it were the Fire Island of Florida. It isn’t. One Fire Island is quite enough. But it attracted the wrong sort of people here: the predators who are looking for homosexuals. I think the violence will be gone by next year."

Followed up with: "I’ve been here longer than (the predators of Key West) have, and I’m not leaving."

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here: Oxford, Mississippi

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here is where we check out cities or towns that--you guessed it--a famous writer once lived. Picture the illegitimate lovechild between the US Census report and a tourist pamphlet from a local chamber of commerce. What's it like there today? Here's where we find out.



Today:  William Faulkner once lived in Oxford, Mississippi:

William Faulkner has been called the Shakespeare of America. This is startling because it's difficult to picture Shakespeare with a southern accent and brandishing a shotgun.

At some point in the last hundred years, Mississippi gave up the title to most frightening American state to Alabama after a lengthy struggle where multiple lives were lost in a muddin' fiasco involving pickup trucks and four-wheelers largely adorned in Confederate flags. No one knows what happened specifically, but rumors abound that it involved light beer, six brain cells, and Alabama coming out on top. Strangely, it was a high point in Mississippi's history.

Alabama celebrates victory and defeat at the same time.

While you can still hear the frightening pluck of banjos and subtle din of monster trucks in the distance, Mississippi does have some fairly polite, even classy areas largely infiltrated by a strange phenomenon called "education."

Although anyone who has ever seen a professor wear a paisley sweater vest knows education can be frightening, too.


The basics of Oxford, Mississippi:

Location:
Far north from the Gulf coast, Oxford is only 85-miles away via major highways, or 78-miles via the minor variety, from Memphis, TN, reminding people that while it might not be Xanadu or desirable, Memphis is nearby and sure as hell isn't Mississippi.

Do not confuse Oxford, MS, with Oxford, England. Common mistake. But Oxford, England, is 4,336 miles away and involves heavy amounts of dry humor and rejoicing in the rain.

2010 Census:

Population: 18,916 people make up Oxford, up 61% since 2000. Almost 1-in-3 residents resides in poverty though, proving that--oh, wow--oh, god. A third are in poverty? One of the best parts of Mississippi has that much poverty? Oh, Christ. I give up. Just continue on without me. I'm done.

Racial Makeup: In 2010, 13 people claimed to be of Hawaiian or Pacific Islander backgrounds. That's up from 2 people during the 2000 census. Those 2 people were horribly, horribly lost from rogue Google Maps coordinates, it appears.


What to see, what to do in Oxford, Mississippi:

The top thing to do in Oxford, according to TripAdvisor? Visit the University of Mississippi! Nothing says a sexy vacation quite like spending all day roaming a random college campus in 90-degree heat, sipping bourbon, and yelling something about rebel pride. That'll be the envy of everyone on your Instagram feed.

The University of Mississippi goes by the nickname Ole Miss, which they claim is from their old yearbook title, the Ole Miss Annual, and has nothhhhing to do with slaves calling the wife of a plantation owner "ole miss." As if Mississippi would ever do something subtly racist. It's practically the ACLU of the south after all.

No Rhett Butler here.

There's also William Faulkner's estate, Rowan Oak. It's like Gone with the Wind's Tara Plantation, except with less Scarlett O'Hara chest-thumping, and Rhett Butler actually doesn't give a damn and never wants to be seen at Rowan Oak. For $5 you can tour the house and remember all of those Faulkner books you made sure never to read in college.

Do you like feeling depressed? There's the Confederate Cemetery in town. Yes. That Confederacy. Says Regina from Memphis on TripAdvisor, it is "wonderful history." Oh, Regina, no matter how you approach cemeteries or slavery, no one ever pauses and thinks, "Well, you know, that's some little slice of wonderfulness right there."

Feeling like a little church revival? Swing on into College Hill Presbyterian Church, famous for its antebellum architecture and where Faulkner got married. Are you a Presbyterian? Do you want to be? No? You're making this difficult for all involved.

When in doubt, there's always Wal-Mart located about two minutes outside of the University of Mississippi's campus. Phew.


Where to eat in Oxford:

Are you tired of Colonel Sanders and Kentucky's claim to fried chicken? Visit Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken then. Do you know Gus? No. Neither do I. Is Gus lying about being world famous? Let's just agree Gus has overstepped his proclamation just a tad.

Ajax Diner sells fried food as well, but also has toothpicks in the ceiling. I'm not sure why, but if the food doesn't sell you, low expectations might do the trick.

Looking for awkward names for your restaurant of choice? There's Handy Andy. Admit it--you raised an eyebrow wondering what Andy's getting handsy over, too. Is he good with general contracting work? Sure, let's assume that.


Isn't Aubigny-sur-Nère, France, a sister city of Oxford?

Yes. And like most siblings, it really doesn't want to talk much.

Second guessing its parentage.

William Faulkner's thoughts on his hometown:

(In reference to Yoknapatawpha County, a fictional stand-in for Oxford in his books.)

"I like to think of the world I created as being a kind of keystone in the universe; that, small as that keystone is, if it were ever taken away the universe itself would collapse."

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here (or still does): Bangor, Maine

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here is where we check out cities or towns that--you guessed it--a famous writer once lived (or still does). Picture the illegitimate lovechild between the US Census report and a tourist pamphlet from a local chamber of commerce. What's it like there today? Here's where we find out.


Today:  Stephen King currently lives in Bangor, Maine:


Maine is a state with two identities. One is the postcard perfect rocky coastline that greets the Atlantic Ocean, dotted with lighthouses and harbors brimming with lobster trawlers and dappled sunlight. The other is a densely wooded interior, thick with moose and unsmiling bearded men wearing camo and the weight of fifty New England winters.

Bangor is a halfway house between the two Maines, from mainlining heroin (rural interior) to sobriety (the coastline).

Clearly Bangor, Maine, doesn't have the sex appeal of San Francisco or Miami--or even Burlington, VT, for that matter--but it does have Stephen King. If you lived in Miami you'd write about Cuban drug smugglers named Tony Montana who have with a cocaine jones. If you lived in Bangor, Maine, you'd write about rabid dogs named Cujo who want to murder you and your children. That explains Bangor, and that explains Stephen King.


The basics of Bangor, Maine:

Location:

About thirty miles north up the Penobscot River from Penobscot Bay and the Atlantic Ocean you'll find Bangor, hanging at the midway driving point between Portsmouth, NH, and Saint John, NB, Canada.

When given the choice between New Hampshire or Canada, always go with Canada.

2010 Census:

Population: 33,039 people, up nearly 1,500 people since 2000. Stephen King's next novel will be about population control.

Racial Makeup:  93.1% white, 1.7% African American, 1.2% Native American, 1.7% Asian, 1.5% Hispanic or Latino. If you ever doubted Maine was racially diverse, well, it's apparent that you were right, and your pessimism didn't help.

Of those listed as families by the U.S. Census, 12.6% had a female householder with no husband present, while 4.2% had a male householder with no wife present--proving once and for all that men can't live by themselves.


What to see, what to do in Bangor:





It's always good to dabble in a little culture before venturing into the forest to kill a few moose. The University of Maine Museum of Art has over 6,500 pieces, including works by Marsden Hartley, Berenice Abbot, Winslow Homer, and John Marin. And at least one of those people is vaguely famous, too!

You cannot see this Winslow Homer painting in Maine.

The Mount Hope Garden Cemetery has over 300 rolling acres to walk, and was the setting for the filming of Stephen King's Pet Sematary. Homicidal offspring rising from the dead? Sounds like a family tourist attraction if I ever heard of one. Bring the kids!

He carries a big stick...and a smile.

There's a Paul Bunyan statue to visit, claiming to be the largest Paul Bunyan statue in the world. Because you don't want to see just any second-rate gigantic Paul Bunyan statue...you want to see the largest.

Interested in Bangor's #1 tourist attraction, according to TripAdvisor? Nothing says a hot, happening good time like the Cole Land Transportation Museum, which has a variety of transport vehicles that have graced the dirt and paved roads of Maine. According to Wikipedia, the museum has "various vintage automobiles, including [...] a Buick, a Volkswagen, and the Oldsmobile 98, the official vehicle of Governor Joseph E. Brennan of Maine, who served from 1979 to 1987."

That's right, folks. You, too, can visit a museum and see not only a Volkswagen, but a Buick as well. That's the kind of suburban titillation usually reserved for strip malls.


Where to eat in Bangor:


The Fiddlehead Restaurant has a $16 burger and $25 pork ribs, but their website links to a news article that claims Fiddlehead is inexpensive. You know what's inexpensive? Ramen.

Cheap! And remotely tasty!

If you're looking for a taste of Alabama, but minus the feel of 1860's Confederacy, venture in to Moe's Original Bar B Que, which has locations through the U.S., including 13 in Alabama...and one in Bangor. Is Bangor the Birmingham of the north? Yes. Yes, it is.

You know when a restaurant is too cool to have a website because it gets by on word of mouth? So then they like to add some level of mystery in today's modern world by keeping themselves off the web? That's Friars' Bakehouse, which apparently makes ginormous sandwiches that make Bangor residents' hearts flutter like a protagonist in a Stephen King novel about to be murdered. Since we can't learn about this restaurant revelation, let's all assume it's like the cross between a Subway and a Chipotle, only classier.


Wasn't the modern recipe for brownies created in Bangor?

Yes. But don't we all kind of prefer cupcakes?


Stephen King's thoughts on Bangor:
"Where we live in Maine is one of the poorest counties. A lot of the people we see and hang with cut wood for a living, drive trash, that sort of thing. I don’t want to say I have the common touch, but I am just a common person, and I have this one talent that I use."

(In Neil Gaiman's interview in the UK Sunday Times Magazine.)

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here: Amherst, Massachusetts

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here is where we check out cities or towns that--you guessed it--a famous writer once lived. Picture the illegitimate lovechild between the US Census report and a tourist pamphlet from a local chamber of commerce. What's it like there today? Here's where we find out.


Today:  Emily Dickinson once lived in Amherst, Massachusetts:

Outside of Boston, whenever you think of a nebbish, scholarly, cultured New England type, the stereotype you're envisioning is largely located in Amherst, MA, where academic elitists blend with barefooted hobos in a delightful human fondue of awkwardness with a quaint, small town vibe.

Sure, she never left the house much, but that doesn't stop the good folk of this western Massachusetts enclave from building its agoraphobic reputation partly around Emily Dickinson and the socially uncomfortable, depression-inducing ideals you'd come to expect from a powerhouse literary neighborhood.

Amherst College, Hampshire College, and UMass-Amherst all call the town home, placing tens of thousands of students into the cozy confines of a rural New England hamlet. It's the equivalent of having an Insane Clown Posse concert in your grandma's living room.


The basics of Amherst, Massachusetts:

Location:
Just shy of 75 miles away as the crow flies from Boston, but nearly 100 miles on surface roads, Amherst is directly closer to Albany, NY, and Hartford, CT. But you should never want to visit Albany or Hartford under any circumstances, so 100 miles to Boston it is.

2010 Census:
Population: 37,819, up nearly 3,000 since 2000. Some college graduates just won't leave.

Racial Makeup: 76.9% white, 5.4% African American, 0.2% Native American, 10.9% Asian. Out of the 37,819 people in Amherst, only 13 defined themselves as a Pacific Islander, verifying once and for all that Amherst is nowhere near a Pacific island.

Good news for single men: 51.1% of the population is female, and only 99.98% of that population wants you to wear shoes.

10.6% of Amherst residents live below the poverty line, while 56% of the work force works in education. Sounds like those three colleges need to start paying their employees more coin.


What to see, what to do in Amherst:

Ravenous hungry caterpillars wear shoes.

Do you enjoy Emily Dickinson, but find looking at words to be too much of a hassle with the reading experience? Good news! The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art is located in Amherst. Is there a monument to The Very Hungry Caterpillar? There is if they know what's good for them.

After you're done examining the artistic complexity of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, head on down to the National Yiddish Book Center. As one One Yelp reviewer describes it, it's "worth a trip for the whole micschpokhe."

And when you're looking to take the edge off, there's the Amherst Farm Winery, where an old dairy barn has been converted into a modern, cozy, den of boozy deliciousness. $5 gets you a logo glass, a taste of five wines, and a brief buzz.

Of course, there's the Emily Dickinson Museum, a National Historic Landmark, and what used to be the poet's home during her secluded life. Remember, folks, agoraphobia is less depressing when you see it on a guided tour!


Where to eat in Amherst:

For intriguing menu item names alone, The Black Sheep Deli wins for sandwiches called the Purple People Eater (eggplant), Fowl Play (chicken), and the Humongous Fungus (grilled portobellos). It sounds creepier when you say "grilled fungus on a roll" though.

Bistro 63 at the Monkey Bar and Grille is a mouthful to say, as is their description of their Oyster Rockefeller, which includes "lemon butter parnod besciamella sauce." At least three of those are real words. That said, everything tastes more delicious when it sounds deceptively French and/or Italian.

Looking for a Denny's experience but with 99% less shame than a Denny's experience? Head over to the breakfasts of The Lone Wolf, which straddles the bitter culinary breakfast divide between Israel (Challah French Toast) and Mexico (Chilli Relenos).


Didn't Robert Frost once live in Amherst?

Gypsy.

Indeed, but he lived everywhere in New England, so it hardly counts. Robert Frost was like a Johnny Cash song come to life.













Emily Dickinson's thoughts on her hometown:

"[C]ould it please your convenience to come so far as Amherst, I should be very glad, but I do not cross my father's ground to any house or town."

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here: Salinas, California

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here is where we check out cities or towns that--you guessed it--a famous writer once lived. Picture the illegitimate lovechild between the US Census report and a tourist pamphlet from a local chamber of commerce. What's it like there today? Here's where we find out.


Today:  John Steinbeck once lived in Salinas, California:

If you've eaten a salad at some point in your life, there's a reasonable chance the lettuce came from Salinas. Thirty percent of the word's lettuce comes from Salinas and the Salinas Valley, along with untold numbers of peppers, spinach, broccoli, strawberries, etc., etc. That $9 seasonal salad you buy at Panera? Rabbits eat it for free here.

While Salinas hitches its economy to lettuce, it hitches its history to John Steinbeck. Steinbeck was born and raised locally and incorporated the nearby agricultural lifestyle into many of his works. When Lennie needed to accidentally kill a small, soft animal in Of Mice and Men, he probably found it running in a field like the one above.


The basics of Salinas, California:

Location:

Nearly 100 miles south of San Francisco, it'll take roughly two hours for you to get to a city worth visiting, assuming we all agree San Jose isn't a real city.


2010 Census:
Population: 150,441, a decrease of 501 from the 2000 Census. Lennie's on a rampage!

Racial Makeup: 45.8% white, 2% African American, 1.3% Native American, 6.3% Asian, 0.3% Pacific Islander, and 39.2% "other" races. (75% of citizens identify themselves as Latino or Hispanic of any race.)

Listen up single women: For every 100 female citizens, there are 102.1 males. It's great if you're single and don't mind your date smelling like fertilizer. Oooh, the ambiance!

As for wealth, Steinbeck wasn't jerking around about poverty. Today's statistics have 16.7% of Salinas's population under the poverty line, including 20.1% of individuals under the age of 18. The Joads? Yeah, they apparently never left.


What to see, what to do in Salinas:

What an adobe!!

Do you like adobes? Do you think adobes are computer software? Do you even know what an adobe is? There's the Boronda Adobe History Center, which has a restored adobe from 1848 that looks like, well...uhh...a modern day American home in suburban California. Change comes slowly.







If you're in Salinas and hate Steinbeck, well, why not drop into the National Steinbeck Center and realize why you're misguided? They're forgiving there.

Good news for everyone who loves them some hot rodeo action: Salinas is a stop on the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association tour of America, which showcases everything that's special of seeing clowns gored and violently flung forty feet in the air by a pissed off bull.


Where to eat in Salinas:

It wouldn't be America unless Salinas had a restaurant named after their most famous resident. The Steinbeck House (yes, he lived there) is not only a museum and National Historic Monument, but also a restaurant which serves such delightful Steinbeck-themed offerings like East of Eden Pasta, Steinbeck Tea, and...Heineken.

Or hit up First Awakenings, whose menu, while totally lacking in Cannery Row references, does have a salad named after Popeye and a burger called The Blue Lagoon--neither of which has anything to do with Steinbeck, but, meh.

Ellie's Great American Restaurant's menu eschews all pop culture references, but still reads like a J. Peterman catalogue entry on Himalayan sheepskin boots.


Wasn't Sammy Hagar, formerly of Van Halen, born in Salinas?

Yes. But Salinas wants a paternity test.


John Steinbeck's thoughts on his hometown:

"If the city of my birth should wish to perpetuate my name clearly and harmlessly, let it name a bowling alley after me or a dog track or a medium price, low-church brothel. But a school?"

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here: Hannibal, Missouri

Some Famous Writer Once Lived Here is where we check out cities or towns that--you guessed it--a famous writer once lived. Picture the illegitimate lovechild between the US Census report and a tourist pamphlet from a local chamber of commerce. What's it like there today? Here's where we find out.

Today:  Mark Twain once lived in Hannibal, Missouri.

If you've ever wanted to plan a trip to the middle of nowhere, but find Nebraska is just too out of the way--good news! Hannibal, Missouri, exists.

For being such a small town, Hannibal, Missouri, has a disproportionate number of famous former residents. This includes Margaret Brown ("The Unsinkable Milly Brown" of Titanic fame), Ron Powers (Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist), Cliff Edwards (the voice of Disney's Jiminy Cricket), Carroll Beckwith (Impressionist artist), and William Lear (founder of Lear Jets, and creator of the car radio and old 8-Track cassettes).

But Hannibal's heart and tourist tax dollars are built off the back of one Mark Twain, whose family moved to Hannibal when he was four years old. Twain only spent the better part of fourteen years in Hannibal before heading toward more lucrative pastures, but that doesn't dissuade Hannibal from latching onto Twain's name. After all, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn are both mirrors on Hannibal. Because if you can't make a buck off being interpreted in a racist 19th-century climate, when can you?


The basics of Hannibal, Missouri:

Location:
With the Mississippi River to the east, Hannibal is roughly 100 miles northwest of St. Louis, 200 miles east of Kansas City, and 300 miles south of Chicago--with all the heart-pounding excitement of wheat crops in between.

Hannibal claims to be 'America's Hometown.' Which is news to America.

2010 Census:
Population: 17,916 people live in Hannibal, an increase of 159 stragglers since the 2000 Census.

Racial Makeup: 88.8% white, 7.1% African American, 0.2% Native American, 0.6% Asian, 0.1% Pacific Islander, 0.5% "other races", and 2.7% respondents declaring themselves as multiple races.

Listen up, single gentlemen: For every 100 female citizens, there are 86.7 males. For every 100 females aged 18 or older, there are 81.8 males. It's like the Missouri version of Swingers, except with less Vince Vaughn.

Financially, money is a little tight in Hannibal. The average median income for a household is $29,892, and $37,264 for a family. The median income for a male is $30,677, and for a female $20,828, showing that the glass ceiling is alive in well in rural Missouri. About 14% of the total population and around 18% of people 18 and younger are under the poverty line--which finally explains why Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn always lacked shoes.


What to see, what to do in Hannibal:

You better love yourself some Mark Twain.

There's the...
Mark Twain Memorial Lighthouse
Mark Twain Cave
Mark Twain Boyhood Home & Museum
Mark Twain Riverboat
Sawyer's Creek Fun Park
Huckleberry Park
Huckleberry Disc Golf Course
Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn Statue
Mark Twain Statue
Mark Twain Memorial Bridge
...and Tom and Becky appearances, where local children are chosen to portray the characters from Twain's book at local events and in downtown Hannibal on weekends from March to October.

There's a total lack of Bill Lear museums or 8-track cassette player sculpture parks.


Where to eat in Hannibal:
The obligatory Mark Twain-named restaurant exists. Check out the Mark Twain Family Restaurant for the Mark Twain Fried Chicken, homemade root beer, and a Starbucks coffee bar. (I know, I know. I didn't see the Starbucks coming either.)

Drakes Steak & Ale offers casual family dining at fairly affordable prices. Also, it's possibly the only place in America where a Sam Adams and Corona are listed as "specialty beers."

LaBinnah Bistro is somewhat more upscale, and wins bonus points for having the option of translating their website into German, Spanish, or French.


Is there any homage to Hannibal Lecter in Hannibal, Missouri?

No.


Mark Twain's thoughts on his hometown:

"Hannibal has had a hard time of it ever since I can recollect, and I was 'raised' there. First, it had me for a citizen, but I was too young then to really hurt the place."