Randomness Corner: Did you steal three tons of chickpeas recently?

Thieves are on the run with three tons of chickpeas, it what can only be defined as the Great Hummus Theft of 2020.

A small, two-location Middle Eastern chain restaurant in Washington, DC, called Little Sesame is in a lot of trouble, as a recent UPS delivery of 6,150 pounds of chickpeas has gone missing, according to the Washington City Paper.

Little Sesame purchases the chickpeas from a grower in Montana, who typically sends quarterly shipments year-round of three pallets, or one ton each, per pallet.

Tracking records from UPS show the purloined 'peas at a distribution warehouse in Landover, MD, on February 10th. The delivery was supposedly made in an alley out behind one of the two restaurant locations two weeks later on February 24th, in what is apparently the slowest and most casual Big Brown drop-off ever.

Little Sesame's co-owner, Nick Wiseman, tells the Washington City Paper that they're working with other farmers for an emergency shipment of chickpeas before they run out. He notes that three tons of chickpeas roughly equals the weight of an African elephant. That's not necessarily the visual you had mingling with thoughts of hummus, but let it simmer.

In the meantime, clearly someone needs to keep an eye out on a ton of shipped tahini, too. If you happen to see a galore of garbanzos in your local neighborhood, you're urged to contact police.

Wait, I think you're a little off.

Well, at least spelling ineptitude sort of solves the brouhaha over what to call the team.

Washington Redskins: Innocent team name or racial slur?

The NFL's Washington Redskins are amongst the most popular--and richest--sports franchises in America. Established in 1932, the team's name has spent the last few decades under scrutiny as people have grown more attuned to racially charged word choices that, heretofore, were generally accepted.

In recent months the debate has grown exponentially. National sportswriters have refused to use the word in their columns, organizations and schools have advocated for a change, magazines and newspapers believe it's a matter of when, not if, a different team moniker is chosen, and even President Obama has suggested a new name is in order.

The nationally televised Sunday Night Football game had the Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys matched up. At halftime, respected sportscaster Bob Costas offered his opinion on the word:

By the way, the Washington Redskins franchise is worth an estimated $1.6 billion, of which, according to Forbes, $131 million of that value comes solely from the brand--specifically, the word in question.

Money wins in America. That's why, right or wrong, the name will unlikely change any time soon.

Honoriing the skills of spellcheck.

Last fall, I posted a story from the Washington Post that detailed the issues the Washington Nationals baseball team had with the insane complexity of vowels.

All was silent over the winter, as the Nationals couldn't figure out a way to misspell words when there wasn't any actual baseball being played.

But they wasted no time this week in showing the world that they spent their winter working on some new spelling skills.

The Washington Post, once again, had this story from the Nationals opening day this week, where a sign for the Washington, DC, Sports Hall of Fame was unveiled in the stadium.

We should cut them some slack. Maybe they just wanted us to drag out the double-I sound. Give the word some flavor, you know?

Washington, DC, is most literate city in America, says study that blames you for not reading the newspaper.

Did you know there is no universal, worldwide definition for what constitutes literacy? It's pretty much up to any country, organization, university, library, or Oprah's book club to decide if you qualify as literate. Don't believe me? The CIA (yes, that CIA) even states as much in their own literacy database.

That doesn't stop Central Connecticut University (potential school slogan: "Centrally located on your drive between Boston and New York City!") from proudly declaring that Washington, DC, is the most literate city in America. This is a shocking development, considering that only recently it was pointed out that Washington, DC, area sports teams are confused by the awesome complexities of how vowels work.

Central Connecticut University based their study on very high-minded reasoning:


1.) Newspaper circulation (hahaha...ha...sorry)
2.) Number of bookstores
3.) Library resources
4.) Periodical resources
5.) Educational attainment
6.) Internet resources.

CCU says this measures a society's "use of literacy." It's very noble of them to use newspaper circulation then. Very old-timey and nostalgic if you ask me. You half expect a reporter named Scoops McGee wrote this story using his typewriter and then transmitted it via Western Union Telegraph.

Washington, DC, is literate...STOP.
Central Connecticut University cites newspapers...STOP.
FDR promotes war bonds to finance push in Pacific...STOP.
Greta Garbo becomes more reclusive by the day...STOP.