If only Stieg Larsson had thought up his book titles while he was alive.

Better Book Titles is a website I wish I thought of first. (Just like how I wish I thought of the ShamWow or Slap Chop before someone else. And don't even get me started on the Graty.)

Better Book Titles re-names books as they should have been titled all along. In essence, it's a book summary/critique in ten words or fewer.

Put another way: it'll save you at least twenty-five hours you would have spent reading Tolstoy or Dickens.

Stieg Larsson is really living the high life.

It's the hope of every writer to become rich and famous. And if you can accomplish that while alive, even better.

This brings us to the case of Stieg Larsson.

Stieg wrote a collection of crime novels, most famous of which was all the rage with the inked-up literate set, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Now Stieg is famous. And apparently filthy rich. As in really rich. As in he should always get the check if you go out to dinner. As in make-sure-you-get-lobster-when-you-go-out-to-dinner-with-him-and-while-you're-at-it-order-a-few-desserts-too kind of rich.

Stieg is also dead.

Forbes Magazine says he's the sixth richest dead celebrity, which is akin to saying you're the sixth fastest comatose athlete. It sounds good and all, but it loses a little in translation.

Dead writers are making a killing. They make up nearly 1/3 of the thirteen on the list. This includes...

3.) J.R.R. Tolkien: Behind only Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. Tolkien raked in $50 million last year. Just goes to prove that if he could dance he'd have made more money.

4.) Charles Schultz: The creator of Charlie Brown--sure, it's a stretch to say he's a writer. But someone had to write those killer ampersands of angst in those little thought balloons over Linus's head.

7.) Dr. Seuss: Horton hears a sweet retirement check being delivered in his mailbox.

John Lennon was #5 on the list. If Schultz counts as a writer, than I guess Lennon should count, too. Sure, he didn't write anything good after 1968--but, eh, whatever. We'll just consider him the songwriting version of JD Salinger. Plus, he died violently. If Stieg were alive, he'd probably make a novel out of it.

Beauty is in the eye of the book holder.

Last year I covered that fact that, well--how do we say this politely?--most writers are only sexy for their brains. It says something (figuratively, unless psychosis is kicking in for you) that doing a Google search, again, using "good looking authors" this time (as opposed to "sexy authors" last time) brings a return question by Google asking, "Did you mean 'good looking actors'?"

So, let's look to see if any writers are turning heads for reasons other than their written work. The writers? Those listed as the top ten bestselling authors on Amazon.com as of May 25, 2010.


 1.) Book:  The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
     Author:  Stieg Larsson

From the school of uncomfortable photography--

Middle-aged man paunch is a killer attribute for the ladies. Really, it's a killer. He's dead. From a heart attack.







2.) Book:  George Washington's Sacred Fire
     Author:  Peter A. Lillback

Okay, so he looks like a spokesperson for the 700 Club. I half expect him to ask me to donate $40 a month so I can become a Gold Club Member.








3.) Book:  Eat, Pray, Love: One Women's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia
    Author:  Elizabeth Gilbert

She appears to be one Birkenstock away from a one-woman Woodstock revival.

But she is the first person not overweight on the list. Not having heart disease can be appealing.





 
4.) Book:  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
     Author:  Stieg Larsson

Stieg is back! Figuratively, of course.

You usually only see such awkward grimacing during certain medical procedures.








5.) Book:  Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything
     Author:  Geneen Roth

It seems a certain someone is naming her books suspiciously like other books higher up on this list to confuse shoppers. Maybe that's why she's so happy.








6.) Book:  Dead in the Family
     Author:  Charlaine Harris

 Admittedly, writing at a computer all day is a sedentary lifestyle.

7.) Book:  The Girl Who Played with Fire
     Author:  Stieg Larrsson

Stieg has resigned himself to his fate.

Worldwide fame and fortune after you die. It sucks.







8.) Book:  Open Leadership: How Social Technology Can Transform the Way You Lead
     Author:  Charlene Li

Winner of the Most Boring Bestselling Book Title, Charlene is a rare double-threat with the most boring photo as well. Fourth grade class photos are more action-packed.







 
9.) Book:  The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella
     Author:  Stephenie Meyer

Sometimes authors start to look like their characters.









10.) Book: The Help
       Author:  Kathryn Stockett

Soccer moms need someone to look up to.










But we here only have eyes for one man, whether he has a bestseller or not.

The one--

The only--