"AM I BEING LOUDER THAN YOU??" Uh...well...sorry to say...but...

So this video has been making its way around the interwebs the past few weeks. It shows a student at Cal State Northridge going apes*it because some other students were "breathing loudly."

Which is to say, if you're an asthmatic it's probably best to steer clear of this woman.

Best part of the video is whenever Little Ms. Cranky Pants stomps her feet and charges back to lay down some more vitriol. Preschoolers weep with pride over how masterfully she pulls off the foot-stomp parade.

If only Stieg Larsson had thought up his book titles while he was alive.

Better Book Titles is a website I wish I thought of first. (Just like how I wish I thought of the ShamWow or Slap Chop before someone else. And don't even get me started on the Graty.)

Better Book Titles re-names books as they should have been titled all along. In essence, it's a book summary/critique in ten words or fewer.

Put another way: it'll save you at least twenty-five hours you would have spent reading Tolstoy or Dickens.

Know Your State College English Departments Simply Based on Their Website, Part Four: Framingham State College

State schools are plucky. Massachusetts state colleges are pluckier than most. When you're the (sort of) next door neighbor to the Harvards and M.I.T.s of the world, you need to put your best foot forward to get recognized. It's all in the presentation. So, in an attempt to learn more about our Massachusetts state college brethren, it's time to examine the English department websites of all state colleges and see what they put out there to the general public for all to learn about them.

Next Up: Framingham State College

Also known as:
"the other FSC"
"the FSC of Route 9"
"Fitchburg State College's doppelganger of lower Massachusetts"

Have you always wanted to attend an English Department with the personality of Al Gore, circa pre-2000? Then you're in luck, because Framingham State College's English Department has taken a page out of their Dragnet handbook, and offers the facts, and just the facts, ma'am.

The webpage cuts straight to the point. It has goals for the English major.

1.) Demonstrate an aesthetic appreciation of language and literature.  (They don't want to see just any sort of appreciation--just the aesthetic variety.)

2.) Interpret a range of texts in American, British, and world literature, providing those texts with appropriate historical and cultural contexts.  (Only "appropriate" contexts now. No funny business.)

3.) Demonstrate advanced analytical reading skills.  (This implies most college students have actual reading skills to begin with.)

4.) Understand a variety of critical theories, approaches, and methodologies and apply them to the interpretation of texts.   (All English majors know that critical theories are where the action's at. And that action is usually displayed by quiet sobbing.)

5.) Demonstrate substantial communication skills, including the ability to write lucid prose for specific rhetorical situations.  ("Substantial communication skills" is something Billy Mays exhibited in infomercials. Greatest English major in history then? Quite possibly.)

6.) Demonstrate advanced ability to conduct and use academic research, from locating and evaluating print and electronic sources to integrating research materials into substantial critical essays.   (I'll help with half of that statement: you can locate most research material in your school's library.)

And...that's pretty much it.

No, really. 

That's about it for the website of this FSC's English Department. You can find some courses offered in pinpoint detail--find some background on the faculty--or find some ideas of career paths with an English degree.

Some things you won't find:

1.) a link to a writing center
2.) a link to any school activities
3.) a link to any school creative journals
4.) a link to any English clubs or organizations
5.) a sense of humor.