Now you can look like a lover of fine literature and/or quality nicotine.

Ever want to read one of the classics of literature, but hoped someone thought you had a jones for a Marlboro red instead?

Tank Books hears your plea. They have an array of famed literary titles all designed to look like a classic pack of cigarettes, but without all those pesky carcinogens!

An entire 'carton' of cigarettes is available for £42.35, or individual packs for £7.65--except Joseph Conrad's works, which retail for £8.07.

Why Conrad's costs a little extra is unexplained. Considering the title is Heart of Darkness, it's probably to dissuade you from torturing yourself.

If only Stieg Larsson had thought up his book titles while he was alive.

Better Book Titles is a website I wish I thought of first. (Just like how I wish I thought of the ShamWow or Slap Chop before someone else. And don't even get me started on the Graty.)

Better Book Titles re-names books as they should have been titled all along. In essence, it's a book summary/critique in ten words or fewer.

Put another way: it'll save you at least twenty-five hours you would have spent reading Tolstoy or Dickens.

Book Review: The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck

This is part of the continuing series of random book reviews that'll be nothing like a New York Times book review. Gone is the ten thousand word analysis. Instead, here is a book review like you'd tell your friends.

The Book: John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath

Review:

Chapter One Reaction: It can't be this boring for 600 pages, can it?

Chapter Two Reaction: No, seriously, it has to get perkier than this, right? What page am I on?

Chapter Three Reaction: Okay, really, can you pick up the pace a little? I have a date with life I'd like to keep.

The pace doesn't quicken. The Grapes of Wrath makes War and Peace look like a light summer beach read. It's the type of book where if you just lost your job and your 401(k)...and then came home and found your spouse in bed with your best friend...and then mistakenly ran over your precious golden retriever as you peeled out of the driveway...and then you happened to read The Grapes of Wrath that night, you'd say, "Well, hey, life can always be worse I guess."

You know those books where you read 50 pages and then probably never get back to reading it because you're easily distracted by shiny objects and Entertainment Tonight on tv? That's The Grapes of Wrath. You know those books that get listed as a "great novel," but after reading those first 50 pages you question the sanity of book reviewers? That's The Grapes of Wrath. You know when you have no patience for a book after those first three chapters...but that when you get to the end of the book you understand that patience was all part of the master plan of the book? That there's an emotional payoff at the end? That there was a point after all to trudging through 600 pages because the author looked for a message that transcended literature for a change? That the point of the whole book is that it actually has a point?

That's The Grapes of Wrath.

Where to start?

Quotes are always a good way to start off something new. You grab a quote by someone more famous than yourself and use their words to make your point. English majors love using quotes for multiple reasons. Quotes sound deep. Quotes sound profound. They're a lifetime's worth of wisdom in one tidy sentence. But English majors also love them because they're lazy. I should know, because I was one. Starting essays off with a quote by someone more famous than myself was my bread and butter. Staring at a blank Microsoft Word document for 45 minutes usually didn't inspire me, but grabbing a quote by Oscar Wilde always helped, if only to put ink on the page.

Ahhh, we won't start this blog off with a quote though. This is a blog, not an essay. It's the trashy cousin to the elegant essay. This blog is meant to be a venue for English majors past and present from Fitchburg State College to let their mind mosey and meander, all without fear of being graded or worrying about grammar.

In short, this is an English department after all. That includes writing. Lo and behold, blogs require writing. What you get is a match made in literary heaven. We have literary journals and school newspapers already, so why not a blog? So...here's a blog. Will we mock ourselves? Yes. Will we mock famous writers? Yes. (And then we'll wonder why they won't visit our campus.) Will we take oursevles seriously? No. It's a blog, not a Leo Tolstoy epic. It'll be random and irreverant and quirky. And hopefully it won't been shut down in two weeks.

So, enjoy. Even if we didn't start this off with a quote, it promises to be good. Or at least marginal. Or at least capable of distracting you for two minutes. And that's a start.