Scripps National Spelling Bee / Skripz Nahshunul Speling Beeee

The Scripps National Spelling Bee concluded last week. This was great news for medical schools across the country, which had gone nearly an entire week without any applications from 13 year-olds looking for early admittance.

But it wasn't without controversy. The troubles?

1.) Two groups protested to get their names in the media try and streamline spelling. The American Literacy Council and the London-based Spelling Society begged for attention protested outside the bee, claiming that American spelling structure makes little sense. They advocate spelling "slow" as "slo" and "fruit" as "froot." One thing is for certain. Toucan Sam approves:

2.) Judging controversies broke out during the sixth round, when--halfway through the round--organizers decided all remaining contestants would move onto the final round. (This excluded the kids who began the round and misspelled a word.) Why? Because ABC television needed to fill two hours of spelling bee awkwardness excitement, and 13 year-olds can only spell so slowly. Round six was apparently slaughtering the sensibilities of proper vowel etiquette, and television executives worried they'd run out of spellers by the time prime time television kicked in.


3.) Canada!!

That's right, Canada has once again shown a complete disregard for worldwide language treaties with their illegal spelling immigration and placed one of its young citizens into the National Spelling Bee of America. The young girl from Toronto, Laura Newcombe, swindled judges with her complete lack of arrogance and attitude, and openly flaunted her Canadian-ness with smiles and politeness. In a complete lack of American spirit, she came in fifth place, and--get this--smiled at being the fourth runner-up. What's worse is that she projected a typical Canadian stereotype: she thanked her competitors. If she's trying to act American, well then, she's doing a horrible job at it.

Even worse, Canadian media--with its Canadian-leaning propaganda--had this headline on Canada.com:

CANADA FINISHES FIFTH IN WORLD EVENT.

Don't they even realize what it is to be American?!?