Carrot cake? Carrots? Same nutritional quality to me.

Somewhere lost between Jackie Collins and William Faulkner is good writing. I'm sure of it. You don't find many knitting circles talking about a Faulkner classic that just tickles them pink, just as you don't find many pipe-smoking literati wearing ascots talking about the latest trashy Jackie Collins book that kept them up all night. Do Faulkner and Collins both serve their purpose? Sure. But are both good writers? Eh. Somewhere lost between the mental candy of Collins and the synapse-firing overload of Faulkner is a happy medium of writing.

I'll probably be excommunicated from the religion of literature for saying Faulkner does nothing for me, but so be it. Math textbooks have kept me more excited than most any Faulkner story. Maybe it's the force-feeding of Faulkner that loses me. When my mother tried force-feeding me beets as a child I rebelled. Faulkner = beets. My only redemption is that I don't rebel against Faulkner just to embrace the lusty nature of Jackie Collins. If Faulkner is beets then Jackie Collins is an ice cream sundae dessert on steroids. But I'll pass on getting literature diabetes as well, thanks.

Debates over good and bad taste are as old as humanity. I'm sure cave dwellers 20,000 years ago argued with one another over charcoal drawings of fish and horses on the cave walls. Today, we have people arguing with Gwyneth Paltrow on her own blog about books she, Madonna, and supermodel Christy Turlington say are good. (I don't know what part of that last sentence disturbs me most--that Gwyneth Paltrow has a blog, or that Christy Turlington is telling me what books to read.) So, if Christy Turlington can sashay down the runway and then turn around and tell me to read The Sound and the Fury by Faulker (as she does...here), then I can turn around and argue what's as equally overrated. Here are a few random strays to get you going:

1.) Catcher in the Rye, by JD Salinger: I've come across more pubescent angst in a Miley Cyrus song than I ever read in this book. Yet, again and again and again I'm told this book cuts to the bone on examining society and human relations. Maybe it was cutting edge when it was published in 1951. "I Love Lucy" still had Lucy and Ricky sleeping in separate beds after all, so maybe society wasn't ready for Holden Caulfield getting reprimanded by a pimp. Still, I don't see the genius behind it. Shakespeare had cross-dressers 350 years earlier, so it's not like touching on taboo issues was only broached by Salinger.

2.) The Twilight books: Like lawyers and mosquitoes, blood suckers in the form of vampires never did anything for me. A literate 6th grader amped-up on Little Debbie snack cakes and 7-Up could probably conjure up a more interesting premise.

3.) Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison: Morrison is a great writer, don't get me wrong. Sula? Good stuff. It's just that Song of Solomon feels as realistic as a Days of Our Lives plot line. But if this is all it takes to be considered for the Nobel Prize for literature, then I can't wait to win my own in about 30 years. I could use the money.

4.) The Poky Little Puppy by Janette Sebring Lowrey: Hey, don't knock it. The Poky Little Puppy kept me captivated as a wee one. But the devastation I had at the conclusion of the book when he goes to bed without strawberry shortcake and feels very sorry for himself cut too close to the heart. Here was this puppy--a rebel ten times more powerful than Holden Caulfield--and he gets his comeuppence at the end. Can't we send our children off to bed on a high note??

5.) Anything by Mitch Albom: Like The Poky Little Puppy, only for adults, and more ruthless in trying to convey a "lesson." Pretend The Poky Little Puppy decided to die at the end for no other reason because he led a misbegotten life and didn't hug his children enough. Then you get a Mitch Albom book.

That's it for now. If you don't mind, I need to go see what Christy Turlington and Gwyneth Paltrow are telling me to do next. They promised a "yummy meal" at the end of their best books blog post, so I've got my fingers crossed for a tasty Sunday meal in store!