Washington, DC, is most literate city in America, says study that blames you for not reading the newspaper.

Did you know there is no universal, worldwide definition for what constitutes literacy? It's pretty much up to any country, organization, university, library, or Oprah's book club to decide if you qualify as literate. Don't believe me? The CIA (yes, that CIA) even states as much in their own literacy database.

That doesn't stop Central Connecticut University (potential school slogan: "Centrally located on your drive between Boston and New York City!") from proudly declaring that Washington, DC, is the most literate city in America. This is a shocking development, considering that only recently it was pointed out that Washington, DC, area sports teams are confused by the awesome complexities of how vowels work.

Central Connecticut University based their study on very high-minded reasoning:


1.) Newspaper circulation (hahaha...ha...sorry)
2.) Number of bookstores
3.) Library resources
4.) Periodical resources
5.) Educational attainment
6.) Internet resources.

CCU says this measures a society's "use of literacy." It's very noble of them to use newspaper circulation then. Very old-timey and nostalgic if you ask me. You half expect a reporter named Scoops McGee wrote this story using his typewriter and then transmitted it via Western Union Telegraph.

Washington, DC, is literate...STOP.
Central Connecticut University cites newspapers...STOP.
FDR promotes war bonds to finance push in Pacific...STOP.
Greta Garbo becomes more reclusive by the day...STOP.