Randomness Corner: Doughnut-stealing Canadian raccoon is a criminal with poor taste in sweets.

Canada has been overdue for a crime wave to sweep the nation. We all know this. The polite and kindly behavior most Canadians display has always been a front for the desire to shiv one another. Why do they play hockey--a sport with razor sharp blades? Exactly. Potential shivving action.

Humans are a little slow to get the crime wave started, but leave it to the animals to run amok. Case in point: A Toronto raccoon was caught red-pawed as it swung in through the roof--Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible style--of a bakery to steal a doughnut.

Even worse? It chose an orange-flavored doughnut stick over a chocolate glazed. Who does that?





This isn't the only Canadian raccoon up to nefarious behavior. The CBC reported earlier this month that a four-legged masked ball of fur hopped the local commuter train. According to Metrolinx, which operates the service, they had "no idea" how the "downtown freeloader" got on the train.

I'll tell you how. He refused to pay the fare and hopped the gate, just like any two-bit criminal.

Here's a photo of the scandalous scamp:

Looks like he's sleeping off a nooner, if you ask me. Easy on the Labatt's Blue, my friend!

It's mainly Toronto that is the den of raccoon duplicity hitting Canada hard, and the crime wave has been building with each passing month. Earlier this summer, another report by the CBC detailed how a raccoon was found to blatantly trespass onto a luxury condo's property, climbing 213 meters (699ft) up a crane, before being spotted by crane operator Rob Mac, who posted details to Twitter, including this bombshell proof:

That's the look of pure, unadulterated guilt.

According to Mac, upon being spotted, the trespasser hissed before hightailing it back down the ladder, apparently frightened by the prospect of doing hard time in a Canadian prison where he'd inevitably get belly rubs and free garbage to roll around in.

Not even a polite head nod or a desire to lend a hand, like you'd expect from a true Canadian! Today they hiss. Tomorrow they go all James Bond on you and throw you to your death. Mark my words.




photos: Rob Mac, Tyler Kay, via CBC

Anne Rice sold the movie rights to all of her vampire novels, which means Tom Cruise will have a job for awhile.

Interview with the Vampire was published in 1976 and later adapted into a movie in 1994, so things don't move quickly when it comes to Anne Rice.

Now, 20-years after the movie and nearly 40-years after the novel, Rice has sold the movie rights to all 13 novels in the Vampire Chronicles to Universal and Imagine Entertainment, which also includes the rights to any future novels in the series she may create.

This means everyone needs to get used to a pale, flaxen-haired Tom Cruise pulling his best Twilight impersonation for the next decade or so.