Attention all librarians: The CIA is hiring.

Martha just came back from
overthrowing a Central American government.

When thinking of librarians it's natural for the mind to wander to the wonderful world of espionage, covert operations, and a license to kill. Why's the book late again, Bobby? What are you hiding behind this edition of Paddington Bear? Who's financing you, Bobby??! Quit stuttering and tell me!

Thank goodness the CIA is apparently hiring the next James Bond with a sensible hair bun then. According to a report, the job description states "librarians also have opportunities to serve as embedded, or forward deployed, information experts in CIA offices and select Intelligence Community agencies." And receive, I assume, a solid 401(k) plan.

The report also states that future spy librarians "must generally not have used illegal drugs within the last 12 months." I think we all know hedonistic behavior is typical of your average librarian. If it's not gluten-free bread and soy milk, it's subtle scowling while taking in a cup of chamomile tea. Potential future assassin? Likely.

That's where the vague "generally" comes into play. If there's one thing the CIA is good for, it's for ambiguity.

As Bobby learned with his late fees.

Who's Bobby?

Exactly.