Kobe Bryant retires with a poem, enjoys stealing socks.

Thumbs-up if you love socks!

As a Celtics fan, I remember when Larry Bird retired, announcing it with a series of obscure haikus that combined the allure of caterpillar mustaches and 1980s short-shorts.

And Bill Russell! That scamp! When he called it a career he sent out a press release in iambic pentameter, full of floral imagery.

Which brings us to the Los Angeles Lakers' Kobe Bryant, who announced his retirement yesterday via a poem he wrote.

Some highlights:

Dear Basketball,

From the moment
I started rolling my dad’s tube socks
And shooting imaginary
Game-winning shots
In the Great Western Forum
I knew one thing was real:

I fell in love with you.

A love so deep I gave you my all —
From my mind & body
To my spirit & soul.

Ampersands! The spaghetti lovechild of a conjunction and the word 'and.' And Bryant lets his inner-Emily Dickinson out with the em-dash. Bonus points.

And we both know, no matter what I do next
I’ll always be that kid
With the rolled up socks
Garbage can in the corner
:05 seconds on the clock
Ball in my hands.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1

Poor dad. His multi-millionaire 37-year old son won't stop stealing his tube socks. Won't someone please buy Kobe a six-pack of socks for Christmas?