F. Scott Fitzgerald loves him some turkey.

Noted booze-hound and all-around party boy, F. Scott Fitzgerald, had a funny streak in him--which can be hard to believe when you see how dour The Great Gatsby is.

Well, Fitzgerald once made a list during a moment of ha-ha about what to do with extra turkey after Thanksgiving. Duly noted, the website Lists of Note has preserved it for our perusal.

Some of the notable entries on his list:

1. Turkey Cocktail: To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of angostura bitters. Shake.

4. Turkey Mongole: Take three butts of salami and a large turkey skeleton, from which the feathers and natural stuffing have been removed. Lay them out on the table and call up some Mongole in the neighborhood to tell you how to proceed from there.

6. Stolen Turkey: Walk quickly from the market, and, if accosted, remark with a laugh that it had just flown into your arms and you hadn't noticed it. Then drop the turkey with the white of one egg—well, anyhow, beat it.

10. Turkey à la Maryland: Take a plump turkey to a barber's and have him shaved, or if a female bird, given a facial and a water wave. Then, before killing him, stuff with old newspapers and put him to roost. He can then be served hot or raw, usually with a thick gravy of mineral oil and rubbing alcohol. (Note: This recipe was given me by an old black mammy.)

Ehhhhhh.

Not like a reference to "an old black mammy" makes things awkward or anything...