Also know as National Fantasticness Month.
Except National Caffeine Awareness Month is a trap. "Awareness" should have been a red flag. No one uses the word "Awareness" when referencing a commemorative month unless they hate the thing they're commemorating--like breast cancer or heart disease.
Turns out there's a non-profit group called The Caffeine Awareness Association (who I must assume is a verrry sleepy group) that hates your morning cup o' Joe. Clearly, they've never had a quality latte made for them...
But the CAA has a book! According to their own description, this book covers...:
...tales of the first coffee buzz to the myths surrounding decaffeinated beverages, this book reveals the darker side of caffeine.
Mmm. It's making me thirsty for some Pepsi Max already.
In 2010, the group announced their Worst Caffeinated Product Award. The honor went to Buckfast Tonic Wine, a drink with the equivalent of eight cans of Coke made by Benedictine monks in Devon, England. (Little known fact: these monks are known to pray so fast even God can't keep up with them.)
Obviously, no one who works for The Caffeine Awareness Association has ever been a college student. 75% of all productivity at colleges and universities is associated with caffeine. (Rough estimate.) Research papers are written in marathon midnight writing sessions single-handedly because enough caffeine to kill a water buffalo is pulsing through the veins of a college student. Take away caffeine and, quite possibly, you take away modern education.
And if you take away education who's going to educate people about the side-effects of caffeine?
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