Codes of Conduct: Oral Roberts University Edition

This is part of a continuing series where we examine the codes of conduct at various colleges and universities.

I can't make this stuff up.








Next up:


Oral Roberts University

Oral Roberts University is named after ((wait for it...wait for...it)) Oral Roberts, a Pentecostal minister who once said that a bible passage he read was a message from God that it was okay to be rich. No word on whether God also gave a head-nod for naming universities after yourself, too.

Oral Roberts University has an Honor Code that all students and faculty must agree to and sign. The highlights are as follows (my thoughts in parentheses):

In signing the Honor Code Pledge, I fully recognize that Oral Roberts University was founded to be and is committed to being a leading academic institution serving the interdominational Body of Christ (Leading? Is there a lot of competition in this specific a category?), offering a lifestyle of commitment to Jesus Christ of Nazareth as personal Savior and Lord. (Jesus Christ of Nazareth--not to be confused with Jesus Christ of White Plains, NY.)

The Honor Code goes on to list eight specific areas in which you must abide. Such as:


1.) I PLEDGE to apply myself wholeheartedly to my intellectual pursuits and to use the full powers of my mind for the glory of God. (Spontaneously levitating is a natural occurrence at ORU.)


3.) I PLEDGE to develop my body with sound health habits by completing the required aerobics program and by participating in wholesome physical activities. (So walking to the convenience store for some cigarettes is in a gray area I guess...?)


4.) I PLEDGE to cultivate good social relationships and to seek to love others as I love myself. (Indeed, I am very huggable.) I will not lie (...I am actually this good looking in person); I will not steal (except the hearts of lonely women); I will not curse (aww, what the--); I will not be a talebearer. (But I'm an English major!) I will not cheat or plagiarize (Really, baby--she meant nothing to me...); I will do my own academic work and will not inappropriately collaborate with other students on assignments. (But inappropriately collaborating on everything else is apparently fair game...woohoo!)


5.) I PLEDGE at all times to keep my total being under subjection from all immoral and illegal actions and communications, whether on or off campus. (FYI: talking with the North Korean government isn't cool, man.) I will not take any illegal drugs or misuse any drugs (...any illegal drugs? It's possible Amsterdam is overwhelmed with ORU students then.); I will not engage in or attempt to engage in any illicit, unscriptural sexual acts (only abide by a certified how-to manual), which include any homosexual activity and sexual intercourse with one who is not my spouse through traditional marriage of one man and one woman. (Little known fact: Massachusetts traditionally allows gays and lesbians to marry.) I will not drink alcoholic beverages of any kind (What's your take on NyQuil?); I will not use tobacco (So much for my goose down and tobacco-stuffed pillows...); I will not engage in other behavior that is contrary to the rules and regulations listed in the Student Handbook. (Open-ended definitions = gotcha!)


7.) I PLEDGE to attend class, all required chapel services on campus, and my choice of a house of worship wherever God is honored and lifted up. (Lifted up...because God's hips aren't getting any younger.)


So, in essence, Oral Roberts University's Honor Code boils down to this:
Neck beards and handlebar mustaches are allowed. Take that, BYU!