It's not often that the world of automobile magazines and poetry cross paths, but it's not often that automobile magazine writers have to reach for a dictionary to understand how a car has been described. That's what's happening in Australia. When Rolls-Royce recently released their new model, the Dawn, the company decided to get flowery with language--and the folks at Motoring.com.au's editorial board have had enough.
Torsten Mueller-Oetvoes, CEO of Rolls-Royce, described the Dawn as...
"[T]he most social of super-luxury drophead motor cars for those who wish to bathe in the sunlight of the world’s most exclusive social hotspots."
That's a start. I know I don't want a snobby $749,000 car--I want a car that wants to make friends with other cars, like a Bentley. What else, Torsten?
"The name ‘Dawn’ perfectly suggests the fresh opportunities that every new day holds – an awakening, an opening up of one’s senses and a burst of sunshine."
What if you're not a morning person, Torsten? Or, better yet, what if I just want a Toyota?
But finish strong, Tors. Hit us with complete poetic babble.
"In its tentative, inchoate, anticipatory state, dawn is the world coming to light from the ethereal dark of the night. The early-day chill of dawn provides an erotic tingle on the skin, awakening the senses and passions as the day begins."
SO. MUCH. TO. TAKE. IN.
Never in modern history has anyone ever described a car as tentative unless it had family issues. And 'inchoate'? 'Inchoate'? He dropped an 'inchoate' in there?? Half the English major population just paused a second to remind themselves what 'inchoate' means, never mind those in the auto industry.
And I don't know, but a "chill of dawn" has never once provided an "erotic tingle on the skin" for me. Chill ≠ erotic. I'm getting cold just thinking about sitting in this Rolls, and no amount of heated seats is going to stave off the budding hypothermia.
photo: Rolls-Royce
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