Let's talk song lyrics. Again.
We've covered romantic songs. (Statutory rape and abortion never sounded so good!)
We've covered Broadway songs. (Orphans and gang violence have a swinging beat!)
We've covered holiday songs (Dean Martin is dangerous!) on more than one occasion (agoraphobia in song!)
Now it's time to turn our attention to the greatest musical act of the past 100 years: The Beatles.
John, Paul, and George (sorry, Ringo) usually wrote about sweet, lovey things. Except for the fleeting songs about spousal abuse and threats of murder. In other words, puppy love!
Song: Getting Better
Written by: Lennon & McCartney (mainly McCartney though)
Lead singer: Paul McCartney
Album: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Life can be difficult. But no one likes a complainer. That's why all of life's troubles sound better when you let the hurt out.
I used to get mad at my school (No, I can't complain)
The teachers who taught me weren't cool (No, I can't complain)
I used to get mad at my elementary school, too. Usually my mornings started out with shaking a first of anarchy at the front door of my school and grumbling for freedom. Then snack time happened and I was easily distracted. Look! Twinkies!
Me used to be angry young man.
Me hiding me head in the sand.
You gave me the word, I finally heard.
I'm doing the best that I can.
That's not what your teachers are saying at school. "Doing the best that I can"? Sounds to me like someone has underlying daddy issues. You're only going to disappoint yourself with that kind of attitude.
I used to be cruel to my woman,
I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved.
Somewhere, Ike Turner feels like this song cuts a little too close to home.
Man, I was mean, but I'm changing my scene,
And I'm doing the best that I can.
Ri-i-ight. Listen, he's already told you he's doing the best that he can--so you're just going to have to accept a few punches being thrown. No harm. It's like a reflex at this point. One man's domestic violence is just another man's misunderstood wild gesticulation.
Song: Run for Your Life
Written by: Lennon & McCartney (mainly Lennon, though)
Sung by: John Lennon
Album: Rubber Soul
All love can turn sour, and at some point someone is going to need to file a police report on their ex. That's where John Lennon comes in.
Well I'd rather see you dead, little girl,
Than to be with another man.
So, in other words, he's saying he's a lover, not a fighter.
Well you know that I'm a wicked guy,
And I was born with a jealous mind.
And I can't spend my whole life
Trying just to make you toe the line.
Everyone knows that women love a bad boy, so we can see what went wrong with this relationship. He looked cool. He looked dangerous. Maybe he drove a motorcycle and wore leather in a non-creepy way. His girlfriend thought she could change him, maybe mold the bad boy into a good guy. But it turns out her boyfriend is one jealous rage away from modeling the latest in bright orange jumpsuits.
Let this be a sermon.
I mean everything I've said.
Baby, I'm determined,
And I'd rather see you dead.
Having drive and determination isn't necessarily a good thing. This is proof positive that your parents aren't always right with the advice they offer.
Song: I Saw Her Standing There
Written By: Lennon & McCartney (mostly McCartney though)
Sung By: Paul McCartney
Album: Please, Please Me
Paul cuts to the chase with how he feels about a young woman that's caught his eye.
Well, she was just 17.
You know what I mean.
Uhh, that she wasn't old enough to vote?
Song: She Came In Through the Bathroom Window
Written By: Lennon & McCartney (mostly McCartney)
Sung By: Paul McCartney
Album: Abbey Road
The story of a woman who finds bathroom doors lame.
She came in through the bathroom window.
Protected by a silver spoon.
Now, I'd think sucking on a silver spoon while climbing through bathroom windows might be a choking hazard. But that's just me.
She said she'd always been a dancer.
She worked at fifteen clubs a day.
If anything, with that kind of work schedule, you have to say she's driven. But so was John Lennon two songs earlier, and we saw how that turned out. It's probably best that we keep him away from her.
And so I quit the police department,
And got myself a steady job.
Might I recommend working at a doughnut shop? All those cops have lunch breaks after all.
Song: Mean Mr. Mustard
Written By: Lennon & McCartney (mostly Lennon)
Sung By: John Lennon
Album: Abbey Road
Getting old must be a miserable experience. And who doesn't want their elderly eccentricities put to song?
Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose.
Well, I think it's safe to say Mr. Mustard might need to be committed. Oh, I don't know. Pick any fact you like. He's sleeping outdoors in potholes. He's shaving in the dark. He's jamming British currency up his nostrils. Although, admittedly, you never know when a debit card might not work, so having some stray cash on hand never hurt anyone.
His sister Pam works in a shop,
She never stops, she's a go-getter.
Takes him out to look at the queen.
Only place that he's ever been.
Always shouts out something obscene.
Why doesn't social services jump in here? Clearly Pam is a poor guardian of her brother. The poor man has only been taken to one location his entire life--to see the queen. And from the looks of it, he sleeps in a pothole right after that. This sounds like the plot to Rain Man, without the road trip to Las Vegas and Judge Wapner shout-outs.
Song: Polythene Pam
Written By: Lennon & McCartney (mostly Lennon)
Sung By: John Lennon
Album: Abbey Road
Not to be outdone, Mr. Mustard's deadbeat sister gets her own song.
Well you should see Polythene Pam.
She's so good looking but she looks like a man.
Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag,
Yes, you should see Polythene Pam.
Wait--I'm confused. If she's a woman, yet looks like a man, but then dresses in drag--does that mean she looks like a woman again? How does this work? At least we know why she's neglecting her brother now. She's too busy getting dressed.
Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt.
She's killer-diller when she's jacked to the hilt.
She's the kind of a girl who makes the "News of the World."
Yes, you could say she was attractively built.
((Sigh))
I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out if she's transgendered or not.
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