Or you can go to Dunkin' Donuts and save yourself the hassle.

You'll never look at olives the same way again.

Confederacy of Dunces bridged the gap between Pulitzer-winning cult classic and outright classic sometime in the 1990s. When exactly, no one knows. The 1990s were a confusing time in American pop culture. It was a moment in history when we thought Winona Ryder might have a career, and that Johnny Depp was too odd to maintain one. What'd we know?

I'll admit, I spent the better part of a year thinking Confederacy of Dunces was channeling Doris Kearns Goodwin before I finally knew what it was all about. Not the civil war? It's about an overeducated fat guy in New Orleans who sells hot dogs from a pushcart?

And so it is. And like all pieces of literature that gain classic status in the 21st century, there's now a cookbook in its honor. Because if your nostrils don't flare at the delightful smell of hot dogs stewing in their own juices for a solid 12hrs, very little in life will.

While Confederacy of Dunces alludes to plenty of gastronomical curiosities, the cookbook is really about the delicious coronary bypass that is New Orleans food. That includes a recipe for jelly donuts, which the cookbook's author, Cynthia LeJeune Nobles, shares with NPR.

The recipe notes that the dough only requires 2.5 hours of rising time before you get around to frying--but it's preferable you wait 12 hours.

That's just wait time. That doesn't count making that dough. Or frying it. Or inserting jelly into each. And making a glaze. And sprinkling it with sugar. Sixteen hours later you, too, can devour four fluffy doughnuts in 35 seconds.

But the guilt and shame will last a lifetime.