A.) A fat kid is to cake.
B.) Lawyers are to slip and falls.
C.) Vermont is to Birkenstock wearing.
D.) A Phish concert is to hazy memories.
If you feel like this is a trick question, then you're a sharp one. Nothing gets by you. All four apply! Congratulations on being perceptive! You win nothing. Sorry.
If you're completely unaware, or if you simply haven't brushed up on your acronyms in awhile, the GRE stands for Graduate Records Examinations. It's like the SATs, except only for go-getters and masochists: those who really want to get a Masters degree or a Ph.D. The GRE is run by the fine folks at ETS. They sure do love them the acronyms at ETS. ETS is "Educational Testing Service," a company founded in 1947 and based out of New Jersey. (Nothing comes from Jersey without raising a few eyebrows. Not even Bruce Springsteen.)
ETS runs countless standardized tests, from the ones you've heard of (SAT, GRE) to the head-scratchers (TOEFL, TOEIC, NMSQT). They're also a registered nonprofit organization with the United States, specifically a 501(c)(3). Most of us envision a quaint little group of do-gooders with Crest smiles trying to make the world a better place whenever we hear the words "nonprofit organization." We picture people handing out medicine to sick children or saving trees or rebuilding homes after a devastating hurricane. You know, doing the stuff you and I are too lazy to do.
But ETS can't be bothered with noble measures to earn their non-profit status. They're too busy living large in Jersey on a 376 acre campus and making some sweet, sweet handfuls of cash. Now, we could quibble over the very legal definition of what a "nonprofit organization" means, but why be such a Debbie Downer about it all? Okay, sure, a "nonprofit organization" means an organization that distributes its surplus funds only for the benefit of their cause--not as money for shareholders, individuals, or executives. And being a non-profit means you get a delightful little federal tax-exempt status AND never have to report any financial information to the Securities and Exchange commission. But using legal definitions is such a downer when ETS is the epitome of class.
See, ETS claims they're simply creating standardized tests for the benefit of the individual. They're not trying to make a buck off anyone. (Pretend the GRE doesn't cost $150 to take.) And, yeah, sure, they've pretty much monopolized the marketplace on standardized testing around the world to the extent that Wal-Mart looks like a quaint mom and pop country store. But that's just because they offer a quality product!
Actually, a good number of people are questioning what kind of product ETS is really offering, and whether they're quite as noble as a nonprofit organization should be. New York state passed the Educational Testing Act, which requires ETS to become a little less opaque to students when it comes to questions and graded sheets.
That's amateur hour compared to what's going on in the good ol' U.K. According to David Laws, a member of the House of Commons in Parliament, ETS Europe was considered to be in "shambles" (presumably said in a very thick English accent while drinking a spot of tea). Read all about it...here. See, it seems the British run a standardized test as well for their schools, and it appears they gave the testing contract to ETS in 2008. Except ETS screwed up a little. And by "a little" I mean they forgot to score some of the tests...or scored them improperly...or completely lost people's tests and scores altogether.
Or, as my grandmother used to say, "If you're going to screw up, screw up royally and really make your mark." (She was a sage. Especially after a few cocktails.)
Americans for Educational Testing Reform (who like to go by the acronym AETR, because apparently the world is obsessed with acornyms) have begun raising a ruckus about ETS, claiming that ETS violates its non-profit status routinely. ETS does have to file tax forms to the IRS, even if they're tax-exempt, and if you do a little digging you can find out some fun facts, which is what AETR did. Like:
1.) ETS' CEO Karl Landgraf makes seven times the average of the compensation-to-revenue of the top five non-profit CEOs in the country.
2.) Landgraf makes just a wee less than $1 million dollars at ETS.
3.) ETS has sixteen "trustees" that make an average of $32,688 a year. The trustees work so little that they actually get paid about $419 per hour on average, with some making $600 to $800 an hour.
4.) The "trustees" collectively make over a half million dollars a year.
5.) ETS made a profit of $94 million in 2007.
Now, the one thing about being an English major is that reading comprehension is usually one of my main skills. So, consider me a bit confused when ETS--a non-profit company--makes a $94 million profit. How does that work? And, more importantly, why do I need to pay $150 to take a GRE test when ETS is floating on $94 million profit from its last reporting period? But, like I mentioned at the beginning, being designated a non-profit company means the SEC doesn't have to investigate any curious financial dealings by ETS. Thank God. I wouldn't want to feel like I was going broke for some unseemly reason.
Karl Landgraf, the CEO making almost $1 million for a non-profit, once said, "Tests and quality go hand in hand. At ETS, we're doing our part."
And Karl is right. ETS sure is doing its part. The question is if that part is to fatten their wallet.
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